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Entry 1 of 332
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4/12/2008
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One more I wrote last night...
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Lost, sad, lonely, mad, fearful ,angry ,hungry and sensitive wanting, needing, losing, and being..but being what ? Feelings that come and go and I often feel I have nowhere to go. I need someone or something to keep the feelings of wanting to die at bay . Obsessions and worries fill me and keep my mind trapped as a prisoner where are you, who are you, do you even exist ?? I speak of someone that will save me , save me from me and my destructive ways and feelings of nothingness. Sometimes I forget , sometimes I wanna forget, and yet sometimes all I can do to stay alive is to remember where I have been and the pain I have felt. I just write and write with no real direction but that is so me and the theme of my so crazy life. I say to those that love me, You cannot count on me so if you need to go then I so understand . I lay here wounded but there is no blood that seeps from my wounds as they are injuries of the soul from the war that rages inside of me daily.. My soul contains weapons of mass destruction but there are no U.N inspectors to search the premises and no big brother to save me or free me . It is just me myself and I to deal with the emotional land mines that lay in every corner of my being waiting to explode and hurt innocent bystanders. At the top I described my current feelings and they are the ones that at the moment exists within me and often do makeup what I feel as a whole but one i forgot to add was Tired, Yes I am so very worn out and must cut this short as a result, I guess sleep is the best thing for me right now as it will help ease the madness . |
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