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Entry 1 of 336
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4/13/2008
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Changing ??
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Change your thinking and change your life is something that I just heard and it seems to be true, however having a condition such as Bpd complicates things . It limits me and knocks me down when I feel motivated . I believe in God and I know God has great things in store for me , I have struggled with this of late but I know without God in my life then I have no hope, he lifts me up when I am down, he inspires me and believes in me , yes I was born with this awful disorder and have had a difficult life but I don't have to give up, I pray that God can get me the help I need and get into a Bpd program to work on some of these issues, and get the right medications and find that desire deep inside me to rise above and be all I can be . I did not blow up tonight, I wanted to but resisted the urge . I get more down at night and when I am at home with nothing to do, no Internet , no nothing, although Toby does give me Joy ( my puppy for those that do not know ) and happiness. I am having some really difficult times but I want to try and do my best to be something, to overcome it all. Some may say that going into a treatment program is weak and not an aspiration or goal to have, but I know that without help I can never do nothing with my life and to ask for help is strength , I can accept that I need help and if I can get that help and care then I can use that to do great things later in my life . Sure, there is no cure for Bpd but I am in a bad place and there is help for me , I know I cannot afford the treatment center I need and want but God put the thought in my head, the thought that this place can help me and to try to get in there, that place is Mclean Hospital in Belmont , Mass. and they have the leading Bpd treatment center in the U.S. and I know this is a great place and can really help me to get better and then do great things. I may feel like dying now, I feel so hopeless and sad , I feel like Nobody ever can help me but I know that there is a chance that I can get better , I can overcome and I can do anything that I want. God has more in store for me , I just have to believe that . |
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