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Entry 1 of 320
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4/17/2008
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And This morning..
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I am so angry this morning because I need to have Internet access at home and Leo ( my Gf ) does not seem to get how important it is that this happen and happen now, I tell her to work on it all day and to try different things, this is her country with her language and she can do things I cannot but no, she says I need to do other things and she says she has tried all that she can and this pisses me off, I told her that if it does not happen by Monday then I cannot stay here any longer, there are certain things I need to take care of myself and I need what I need when I need it, not later. I just feel so angry, frustrated, and upset. I just don’t get it, I do not want to be with her anymore, well maybe I do cause I cannot imagine leaving her as I do care about her but when she kisses me I pull away and when she does not do what I want and need I get angry and blame her, I know this is not her fault but I am helpless here and have no therapy, medicines, or nothing so having Internet at home IS my medicine.. I do not wanna go out everyday to use my computer, it is why I get scratches on it and such; all the rude people who bang into me with my laptop bag and such, being around all the drunk people, etc. I just am so frustrated right now It is dangerous how damn angry I am , right now I wish she would leave me; I am trying to make her leave me; I just wanna be all fucking alone , I think I actually do want this. I guess I feel better now , being a few hours after I wrote that last rant but I still do not understand why everything has to be so hard, I am trying to feel better but it just is so difficult, I wanna just be happy, to just be relaxed, and not worry about it all.  |
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