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Entry 1 of 338
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4/18/2008
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Gotta have faith, somehow .
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Laying here writing, waiting for my Spaghetti to cook and then I will eat before bed; food has become such a drug for me as well, I use food to mood alter now in the same way that I used drugs, alcohol, and sex in past. I know it is not healthy but what is the lesser of two evils ? I listen to this religious sermon that maybe can motivate me to grow and go for what I want and need. I have such pain and negativity , such hopelessness and fear . I feel so defeated and angry and like it just is not worth it but I know that God, yes God ; has a better plan for me than the negative defeatism that I am so accustomed to . I just have to believe and have faith that I can do it, I can make it and yes; God has so much in store for me . Satan wants me to give up, he wants me to feel worthless and not good enough but I have to push on. I just finished my Spaghetti now and am about to sleep; I have lost faith a lot of late and wonder if there is a God sometimes but the mere fact that I am alive and still here trying shows me that no things are not perfect but God is here with me and is not yet done with me; I may be down and in the dumps now but I have great things in my future . I wanna believe, I wanna overcome ; and if I just wake up each day and try then it is all possible and Bpd or not I can and will do great things and be OK. |
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