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Entry 1 of 338
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4/19/2008
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More pain and dissapointment
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I cannot seem to fall asleep ; worries about this computer, money, Internet access, new house, etc . is keeping me awake with racing thoughts, obsessions and etc . I wanna keep going and fix the actual problems and get rid of the needless worries but cannot seem to do that; I feel like saying screw it and not even bother anymore as it just is too hard sometimes , I just don’t wanna try anymore . I just lay here with thought after thought and unable to just stop my mind and enjoy silence . I don’t even know what else to say right now ; I am at a loss of words even though I am not at a loss of thoughts . I hope my sleeping pill kicks in soon cause I need to just quiet my mind , I hope I can get through my feelings and obsessions that consume my every second , Who said life in sobriety would be easy ? 54 days now but feel like it’s day number one . That was last night and Today is no better; I feel depressed and hopeless and like I just wanna go back to bed and sleep the day away- I wanna watch the hockey game and all but I just am so frustrated and wondering why do I fuckin try when everything falls apart anyway. I cannot take it anymore, the things that seem so simple and could provide with relief are not available to me and that is killing me. |
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