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4/21/2008
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It is always Raining in my head.
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I try to be the man that I am ; in times of my brokenness, shattered dreams and plans . I stand up to fight the pressures and demons; staring at the knife as I hold it in my hand ; Will I still be alive ?? I fear I will not , as the pain is just too much - I cannot get through it this time I feel. My dreams are fading , and no one can save me . I am clueless as what to do next ; there is no help for me , no escapes anymore and all I have is me looking down at the cuts I just drew on my arm; adding to the road map of my pain and hurt. I do want my life, I do not want to die ; at least not like this and not now. I feel I can never get out of this place I am stuck and I feel so alone ; nobody here to talk with, chat online with, or nothing; just me and my destructive thoughts ; I feel so much better when I am online or doing something that distracts me from me ; and all the Bullshit that goes on within me all of the time. Who can I tell my troubles to; someone that won’t laugh at me ; someone who will listen and care about what I have to say and what I feel . I guess I will Go now and call a suicide hotline back in the states since there is no other way I can get help.. |
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