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Entry 1 of 332
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6/1/2008
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Relationship Madness
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Maybe I am not meant to be in a relationship, maybe it is just not in my DNA. It seems that I seek out love and companionship but it just is not me as the relationship always fails - either by the other person not being able to accept me or by me losing interest in a romantic sense and just developing a friend type of a connection and then it just falls apart anyway. There seems to be a 6 month rule where I feel great and in love up until that point, then I drift away or sabotage the relationship. I want to be alone and be free to see other people and the world but at the same time I do not want to be alone or cannot tolerate being without someone. I also become attached to the person and cannot imagine myself without them and/or I feel guilty about abandoning them, which could be related to my own fears of abandonment . I just wonder if I was meant to be alone and if being alone would be better for me, mentally and emotionally. I guess time will tell what comes of this.
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