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Emotions and Recollections Going Haywire

11/27/2005 - what i want to tell you.

Posted in Unspecified

Holla, my dear blog, long time, no entry! BAd me, bad me! *smackerss!*

err yeah, i think everything's been completely fine, that i say. i am happily content right now! wheee! you know what? Being friends with him must be better off than even liking him. Though there these "issues" which concern my left out pieces of feelings of liking him. I am jealous. Insanely jealous, though i do not really show it much. I really do hate it if he always leaves me and does not even CONSIDER on helping me bring my things, my HEAVY freaking things, mind you. Like, for example, yesterday, i was bringing my stupid bag full of the most stupidest things any stupid person would bring, and yeah, i was carrying two miserable speakers not blessed with two feet, and yeah, the discman, might i forgot. Not that i was unable to bring all of them, but... isn't it supposed for a man, a man you even called your "best friend" to help you bring it!? even if it was only the discman that he brought!? And here, to add more for the rage, my katropa even called out, "O, yan, Dong, me kapalit na tayong tagadala!"AAAARRGGH!! Not her! The thing is, i wanted to bring those things just because i thought for the first time, i would have time walking with my bestfriend, and him alone! All day, i saw was him, and her, him and her!Can someone tell why i shouldn't be jealous, and how!? ARGH!

Sure, maybe there's still bits of stupid pieces still left out screaming his one and only name, but i don't want to have that situation of not talking to him again! I dun want that to happen! Being bestfriends with him as of now, must be God's best gift to me! And now i have this snake-of-a-friend swarming herself over him! i know my friend doesn't mean whatever she looks like doing, but, for God's sake! i told her thousands of time, why won't she understand!? oh for the crap of it!Lookie here, what i did!? i knew she loves "her" paulo, aka, her bestfriend, and what did i do?! i put my head on his shoulder and made fun of her with him! FINE! why won't we fight fire with fire!?

*calms down*

Maybe i have typed some unecessary stuff up there...but i really cannot help it! That's what i feel right now! I can't go on hiding again! It only creates disaster if i coop up more and more feelings! i really hate looking stupid, of all things! Not only am i already stupid, but God! She's my friend, and feeling like this must be the dumbest thing i've ever considered doing in my whole entire life! i am jealous over what stupid thing!i wish she could read this and somehow would understand! i can't go on pretending! i love her, i really do...but God's sake, cannot she understand what i feel!? isn't it too normal for me to feel this way, or is it too shallow!?

*sighs*

i dun want to create chaos, not ever. i just want her...them to know... that, i KNOW that not because we're bestfriends mean that i own him. But...i just wish they'd understand how normally i would feel. And if they are what they call my friends, i suppose they should be able to read between MY lines. THey do know that i do not normally speak truthfully about what i feel inside...so why haven't she noticed that!? oh help me...

you know what?! i think i am creating problems again, and i completely hate it, that i do.

and to think that i even started my entry saying that i was happy. crap it.

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