Now that must stink.

waaaaaaaaaaaahh...

I hate myself...i never hated myself than ever in my whole entire life. I hate me. I despise myself. I despise my head! I condemn my heart! Hey, thanks a lot!...NOT! I hate it! NEver in my whole entire life have i ever expected moi, me, myself to act so low! i can see that i am pathetic, but to make things worse, i am acting like i am! Why!? Have i any use to anyone!? No! ARGH!

why is it that i hafta feel this way! I dun own him, and i do know that! I KNOW! I really do! But why does this stupid thing hafta beat every now and then that maybe i do have the right! No! I don't! He's his own individual and i am my own! OH CRAP! Why do i feel so....so...stupidly GREEN! I never ever wanted to feel this way! i never thought i would stoop this low! oh for the love of God! Of all the things i could feel, rage, annoyance, cheer, whatever...it has tuh be JEALOUSY?! I hate it! i HAte it...

seriously...is there any theraphy that could get rid of this emotion!? honestly speaking, it could drive me NUTS . I have no sufficient and rational reason to feel this way! I feel so shallow, i really do! I mean...she's my friend, they're my friend...he's my bestfriend! Whyyyy!! I never tolerated jealousy... i never did... but how come i feel this way! The way i just want to shout in front of Nikka's face whenever she flirtingly clings her stupid arm at him. The way I want to walk out when i see him mingling with almost every girl in the class. THe way i would just shut up if ever he'd choose other people ((especially girls)) instead of me. The way i'd just close my eyes if ever he'd not pay any little of attention to me...

I never wanted this feeling, not ever! But why do i feel like this!?! I feel so stupid! I know I still like him. I love him! But I try so hard to love him as my bestfriend, and i thought i was succeeding...but how come it grows stupidly stronger!? I HATE IT!

I am SORRY, okay!? For feeling like this... it never meant to happen, but it did.

I AM JEALOUS, and i know it.