i really feel so stupid. i already knew that it was so wrong!

now i want to get rid of it!

jealousy is just another form of selfishness, and i never wanted to be selfish. Though i do think it is in my nature. I am selfish by my own reasons. I am selfish. I want everything to be my own. But the thing is...

i never shout out that i am selfish.

i keep it all to myself.

i am selfish. Everything i see, every title there is, i wanted it to be mine.

is it selfishness?

or is it just too natural!?

It is in the human nature to reach for something that would make them content and happy. Isn't it what i already have!? I am studying in a PRIVATE school, i eat, i can sleep, i have no sickness, i live under a safe roof.

i have my family.

i have my friends.

and i know i have God.

But why do i feel that there is a longing feeling crept under me!? I wanted that someone. I waited for that someone.

That someone who would sing me old-fashioned songs.

That someone who would brighten up if i'd show him my smile.

That someone who would willingly memorize an anime song for me.

That someone who would accept me for who i am.

That someone who would always put his arms around my shoulder.

That someone who would understand the means of personal space.

That someone who would smile even just for me.

i know it really does sound so cheeky...and yes, grossy. But i feel it. i am so young to be expecting such things, that is why i hated feeling like this. I have my whole life ahead of me, so i want to learn and at the same time, teach myself, that i need no one just to complete me. And i want myself to know that blaming my friend for feeling this way is STUPID. I want to say sorry, if ever she'd be acknowledged to that infuriatingly stupid entry. You're always there for me, you always walked together with me to just accompany me to the "sakayan"...and bargain you over a boy!? No, he's not just any boy, he was my bestfriend, but still...i was assuming things... anger got the best of me. selfishness got the best of me! i am sorry, i really am. You're my friend, my nutty friend. If ever you're angry at me as of now, SORRY. i want you to know that i feel so low, pathetic and so dumb...i am WORTHLESS! but still, you proved me that i was precious, that you people were determined to keep our kada relationship for as long as no one knows when! I am SORRY.

I want you to know that i'd be willing to give you just anything just to make you happy. You are my friend! That is why, first offense for me...XD... I promise i won't ever feel that way, ever again! i have a new perspective now. No matter what...even if i'd have nuthin, and you'd have everything you ever wished for, i'd be happy...because you are!

i love you, nikka! LUKA ka den, gaya ko!