Sometimes, I don't get the idea of standing myself. I'm just getting tired. All I ever wanted to talk was all about him. I mean...is there something wrong in my head? Maybe it's a disease..and I sure hope it would go away as if nuthin' ever happened. And now that he's not appearing anywhere by my side lately, it's driving me insane. I miss him so terribly, and I assure you I haven't missed anyone ((well, except for my family of course)) like this ever before. Look, best, and tsongz...I know you're all tired of hearing me say the same, stupid things all over again, and I act as if we haven't talked about this for the last three minutes, I AM SO SORRY. I always say that there's no reason to not be in-love, but you should always use your top. Why the hell do I even give off advices, anyway!? My heart beats faster than my head does...and my head...is alienated!XD...

~Crap. I'm so sick today. All I ever did the whole day was to sneeze and snort and lotsa other stuff. I feel so bad lately. Geez. I think this is much worse than Dong's case. My throats are hurting mad. In just one day ((or even less)), I finished a whole new roll of tissue, and now I am up against a brand new victim..bwahaha!!!

Back to the "real" topic. See here...pare and I talked about in while finishing Physics...and it so much sucks. She said that no matter what I say, he has always been there. I already gave almost everything I had to offer and it was difficult to move on not now that he's the one I'm always with. Look, I try my best to see him as a friend...but the HELL with it. It's really driving me to the brink of insanity. Yeah, maybe a part of it, I already took off...but..but...why do I even try...?

I am afraid that someday, when there would be another person who'd be willing to love me for who I am...will I ever give as much as I gave him?

~*sneezes* This is so much awful.

Look, suppose I was infatuated over Jerk # 1...((Best, I didn't mention his name...it's a conspiracy)). Maybe I really thought I was in love with him, but that  never made me stop about thinking of uhmm...him.((C'mon...you know how the story flows, don't cha?)) It forced me into thinking that I scorn his very existence, condemn him as a whole, but that never stopped me from thinking how he would react if I enter the school gates by June with a boyfriend. I always thought of him in every scene I get to. Even if I get to Manila! Shucks. I am so much hopeless.

Jerk # 2! Haha...I've met a lot of jerks lately. Anyway, this jerk number two is on the depths of my forgiveness. His japanese uh, blood, race, whatever tickled my fancy and so on and so forth. Then he jerked all his way until he met his match. BWAHAHA, hyup, it's me. Who does he think he is anyway? Crap you! Anyway, so then, I thought that maybe he would try to uh, you know...beat the crap out of jerk numbah two..so he did...er..in sms, that is.XD..good for him!

Past # uhm..1~!

This is so much stupid...*sniffles*

I thought that if I brought him up again, he'd be jealous...turns out he wasn't...*pouts*

Look, right now, it is a goal of mine to try not to be such a hypocrite to myself. I hate lying. I'm so tired of it. Just because people wouldn't think something was suitable I'd be giving up. This is 2006! I am now trying to be honest...not only to my family, friends...but most especially, to me. I mean, how could I talk to my friends about my problem if I myself wouldn't know what the heck the problem is?!

I'm not making any sense, am I?

Long story short...maybe I still like him. Maybe I do. But I am already happy with our current status because I know I am still now capable of handling a relationship. Hypocrism out, sure, what alien wouldn't want anyone to like him back? Sure I want him to like me back! But hey, if he really doesn't, no one's forcing him. If he doesn't, I'll get over it for the next two hours...then go crazy by the next and run all over EDSA naked by the next three...

jokeness...((TOP, TOP, TOP!))

If he doesn't, then don't! Geez! Problems! I can still look for that other person. The only problem is, I do wish I'll get over him by then. And I hope that I won't compare him to uhm, him..XD...

Sure I cannot avoid it...he's my best friend, and I love him. I am always there to look out for every step of the way, to support him and to cry wit' him. Tha's why besprens do, right? So on my way I'll go...wishing you won't...^^

I have no intentions of leaving him. All I ever wanted was to leave my emotions behind. All these crap in my head! Shoo! Shoo!

*HAAAAAACHOOOOOO!!!!*