the good news is, it is only a year that i have to keep up with this, because you know what!? we'll be graduating next year and i guess it is about 99.99% that he'll be out of my sight...

the bad news!? a school year consists of ten, DAMNED MONTHS! can you believe it!? geez.

i do not want to go to college just yet. I am so not ready. i am afraid i'll get lost in manila, or be raped, or maybe i'll flunk grades, or i may have no friends at all! waaaaaa...i don't want college! i'm not grown up yet! i'm still so much immature! gimme time! more and more time! aw..i forgot..i still have ten more months..which is still bad because i'll have to stand myself falling helplessly in love with him over and over again!

ISN'T THERE ANY STUPID SILVER LINING IN MY CLOUD!?

*sigh* who am i kidding, anyway!? i just like him so much. eventhough i just pretend not to! i just like him! i don't love him...because i know love scopes a brighter meaning than this...because i know i am still a shallow highschool nut! i know i won't have much time for these monkey business when i'd be entering college...a lot of people tell me it'll be all about STUDYING! aw nuts..but still...i won't be seeing him anymore! which means i won't like him then! aw glory! i'd love to see you sooner than i can think of!^^

i just want to get RID of him off my senses!

i want college to splurt in front of me and tell me, "DUD, i still have so much to offer you than that..."

XD...

look....

i like him so much that i am thinking that it's already bad.

i shouldn't've ridden the boat with him...! i shouldn't've told him anything about him being my bestfriend, because i expected too much from him and he isn't willing to give me so! BEST gave me more than i expected her to, and i am extremely grateful! i thought he'd do the same, but the HELL HE DID NOT! i just got hurt! i really treated him as my best friend and all that crap.and what do i get!? a stinking, immature, insensitive boy for a bestfriend! i know that he never intended to do those things! but heck! ARRR!! maybe i am just too good for him, huh!? i deserve a lot more understanding guy for a bestfriend! ella told me that maybe i am thinking like this because i still like him...HECK, IT WAS ALL TOO NORMAL! GAD! mom told me that maybe he got into this bestfriend stuff that he was all willing to tell me anything without taking any precautions that i maybe getting hurt...LOOK, I JUST WANT HIM TO UNDERSTAND ME!

ALL I EVER WANTED IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE IS TO HAVE SOMEONE JUST LIKE ME BACK!

GEEZ, IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR!?

YEA, i know it is too crappy to be even called shallow, but what can i do!? i'm having the same problem for years! i'm not talking about days, nor even months, but YEARS! YEARS,ye hear!?

who am i kidding!? no matter how i try to be good to him, it all goes down the drain, because it doesn't take a minute nor a second for him to forget all about it!

I AM NOT HIS BESTFRIEND IN THE FIRST PLACE!

i do not matter! i never did! he called me his bestfriend, because what!? i've been his classmate since we were freshmen! GAD! even if i got swallowed by the earth in front of him, he'll worry for at least three seconds and then, BOOM, XEREZ never existed! RIGHT!?

I AM SORRY IF I EVER EXPECTED SO MUCH!

SORRY IF I EVER DID!

ALL I WANTED IS FOR YOU TO TELL ME THAT YOU DON'T WANT ME BUGGING YOU OVER AND OVER AGAIN! GO! TELL ME!

YOU'RE ALL WORDS, DONG! ALL WORDS! ALL STUPID WORDS!

YOU'RE ALL TEXTS! YOU HEAR ME!? TEXTS!

I AM SO STUPID TO EVEN TRUST YOU!

I AM SO STUPID TO LIKE YOU!

I AM SO STUPID TO LIKE SOMEONE WHO'S SO INSENSITIVE!

YOU'RE SO STUPID TO CONSIDER BEING FRIENDS WITH ME!

BECAUSE ALL I EVER GAVE YOU WERE PROBLEMS!

ALL I EVER GAVE MYSELF WERE PROBLEMS!

I THANK MYSELF FOR FOOLING MYSELF THAT I WAS HAPPY!

THANK ME, THANK ME!

I AM SORRY IF YOU THINK I FOOLED YOU AND TRICKED YOU!

SORRY IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER THAT I CONSIDERED YOU ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS!

SORRY!

SORRY!

I THANK YOU FOR NOT TELLING ME NOR TRUSTING ME ABOUT ANYTHING AT ALL!

THANKS THAT YOU DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE WHEN I'M NOT AROUND!

SORRY IF EVER I'M JUST JUMPING CONCLUSIONS WHILE WRITING THIS!

BECAUSE I DO NOT KNOW ANY BETTER!

BECAUSE YOU DO NOT TELL ME ANYTHING!

SORRY IF I FELT SO IMPORTANT TO YOU!

I THANK YOU FOR ACTING SUCH A REAL JERK TO ME, AND TO OTHERS, NOT!

THANKS FOR LISTENING TO OTHER PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS AND NOT MINE!

THANKS FOR GESTURING ME THAT YOU DON'T LIKE HEARING MY PROBLEM AND YOU WANT TO GO ENJOYING YOURSELF WITH OTHER PEOPLE!

SORRY IF I AM SUCH A PARTY POOPER!

thank you and sorry, dong!

YOU MADE LIFE A HEAVEN AND A LIVING HELL...

YOU ARE SO...

LAST SUMMER!

YOU MADE LIFE A STORY WITHOUT ANY HAPPY ENDINGS!

YOU JUST MAKE ME SMILE AND CRY ALL AT THE SAME TIME...

YOU'RE ONE OF A KIND...