Emotions and Recollections Going Haywire

12/24/2006 - GREETINGS!
Posted in Unspecified

AHA!

Christmas Eve! haha! Yesterday I got from my first ever Simbang Gabi in my sixteen years of living! Though I failed to wake up earlier this dawn to go to the church again!

Today was extremely busy. We cleaned the aquarium, I cleaned my room, we went to the market to buy groceries and stuff, and then we cleaned the aquarium again, and right now they're making refrigerated cake! Ah, Christmas rush!

I hate people talking about not feeling Christmas! They're lucky enough that they get to spend it! In fact, I don't feel as giddy as I was back then, but this is a season not worth all my teenage quirkiness! I should be happy! That we have a Christmas tree, noche buena, family, friends, and God! I am blessed, and they are too! They should be thankful! Since it is Christmas, I'd have to forgive them!

Anyway, for those who are enjoying the countdown, weee!~ I am thankful! I hope everyone gets to spend the Christmas day happily! let's pray for those who aren't able to celebrate christmas as prosperous! let's pray that everybody gets to be happy, okay?!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESUS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
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Posted in Unspecified

To tell you the truth, I cannot seem to understand what my brain wants to think.

One time I loved heavy drama,
and then I thought how irritated I was at this one person
then after I prayed I realized she's not worth the fuss
and then I loved a pretty shallow soap opera because I watched it with my gang
then right now I am trying to dive into the Christmas spirit
and then I have no idea whether I loved the party or not, because I don't know if it was sad or fun
and then Harry Potter fever seeps in...

T_____T gah.



I wanted to post a simple splatter whatsoever with three colors, but it won't work. I saw this and though I can really visualize my entry with this, I didn't want to look too emo. I found this from deviantart and I am a criminal not to remember who did this. One thing's for sure, it wasn't me.
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12/18/2006 - *refreshed*
Posted in Unspecified

I PROVE I AM NOT A ROCK!

 

For someone who has read The Notebook, no one can actually blame me for writing like this. I am even scaring myself, honestly. You go, Nicholas Sparks! XP Love it, love it, love it! wootwoot!

 

Once again, I am back to pursuing my dreams and my passion!

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Posted in Unspecified

 

I believe I have lived a thousand lives before this, I believe I feel something I felt back then...I believe that I will fall in love that one perfect day, that I no longer would ask myself whether I am pretending or not. That I would know that it is pure.

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Posted in Unspecified

 

 

"I remain to feel strongly about someone whose identity I know not,

Somehow, I know I have fallen in love with him,

That eventhough romantics never triumph over my heart of rock,

And that my logic overcomes with idealistic passion,

I remain to feel something inside which is pure and true,

That forces me to tremble for the fear I never knew,

Or maybe, just maybe, did not want to know,

That that someone, with equal passion as I,

That someone whose eyes I can read,

That someone who can easily read mine,

That someone who can see how beautiful the sky is,

The opportunity to meet him that one, perfect day,

The one chance, I obtain not."

 

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Posted in Unspecified

I forgot to mention that I won in the Rural Bank of Seven Lakes Maiden Essay Writing Contest last November! I was soooo happy!! The moment they mentioned my name, Mam P. shouted that it caught everybody's attention and mine as well, that I almost forgot why I was about to stand up! Haha! THANK YOU GOD!!! The announcement was made before Kapnayan, though I have gotten over it, I remain strong! THANK YOU THANK YOU GOD! FOR THE WISDOM AND STRENGTH YOU GIVE ME THROUGH THE PEOPLE CLOSEST TO ME! TO MY NANAY!TO MY TATAY! MY SIBLINGS!! I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU!!!

and last, last week our school held an essay writing contest and I won first place!! i expected a second or third, but still..AYIIIIIIIIIII!!! I AM SOOOO HAPPY!! THANK YOU GOD FOR THE BLESSINGS YOU GIVE ME! FOR THE OPPORTUNITY AND THE TRUST!!! I LOVE YOU! LONG LIVE GOD! HAHA!!!! MWAH! MWAH!!!T__T

 

 

I AM SO GLAD TO BE ME.

 

THANKS TATAY!

THANKS NANAY!

THANKS MAM P.!

THANKS ATE,

KUYA JAY,

KUYA KIM,

HIRAM!!!

THANKS, 4A1!

THANKS 4A2!

THANKS BEST!

THANKS BESPWEND!

THANKS BESPREN!

THANKS BES!

THANKS BES!

THANKS BESSY!

THANKS LIZ,

KIM, YVETTE,

TET, NIKKA,

PRINCE, GENZ,

DANIEL!!

 

I LOVE YOU GUYS..!

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Posted in Unspecified

It is only in this point when I started not to doubt my friend, that I begin to be right.

 

Ah, and my suspicions ((in which was eventually shrugged off after I wrote "Oh no.")) were perfectly perfect. Hah. Knew it. Though at first I didn't actually think that she's actually fallen for him, let's just say, it is a woman's intuition to predict these weirdo predicaments.

 

You know perfectly well what I am talking about ((which of course isn't true..if it is, I would be freaking out right now)), and I suppose you must have raised your left brow in the doubt whether I am all right about all these. Actually I am. I just got surprised. I didn't really expect any of these to happen. But the weird thing is, when she shouted his name, it's like it entered the right ear and off the echo goes to the left.XP I actually didn't care, I just smirked. WOAH! *clappers!*

 

I am speaking of the truth. I do not act like everything's all right when it is not((at least not now)), and well, I am happy to report that I am all right.

 

Okay, that right brow of yours is arching up.

 

Why am I making such a big deal about being all right?

 

I cannot deny the fact that I felt something back then, but I cannot deny the fact that I did change. I am happy, that I get to know him better, that he gets to know me better as well, but as best friends. Actually, at first, I did feel quite sad, thinking that nothing would grow any further from this relationship, but as time flew by, ((refer to "Othello")) I got over it. Ah, maybe we are just friends and are meant to stay like that. And you know what? I am so happy arriving to that conclusion!

 

I am acting quite odd this afternoon, and it's not about being mad and all that crap I would've felt if I were myself back in junior high, it's just that I was just very, very shocked. Of all the people, it was her. Though if I were just a distant friend, I would've expected it sooner or later. But we've been together and she is one of the closest friends I've got. I learned to trust her words, and I did. But she kind of lied, and I understand that. Actually, that was long ago, but the thing is I dared not to further question about her and him. I figured it out. I just have to ask her in a straight question, then I will no longer ask if I was given an honest answer. It is up to her if she wants me to end up believing in lies or the plain truth. And because she is my friend, I knew she wanted me to know the truth. That is why I didn't doubt her anymore.

 

As a normal senior highschool, I got excited about how it all happened, begging to her knees to tell me some details and how the heck did she ever arrive at such a jaw-dropping assumption. It surprised me that I actually acted like a friend, and not a friggin' green-eyed monster as I once were.

 

*Teardrop*

 

I am so proud of you, Tsewet. You have moved on!

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12/15/2006 - evolution!
Posted in Unspecified

A year ago I was a very sad person, and I didn't actually know why. Maybe it is because of the insecurity that the people around me have a reason to be sad, that is why I created one to be sad as well. I quote;

 

"The lie i do is when i smile. Mostly, i smile because i am happy. But there are times that my smile would be noticeable that it's practically fake. I am generally a happy person, i admit. But what kind of person wouldn't have sadness clinging by the sides of your intolerable brain...?! i really hate it. I am sad too. I don't know what to think anymore, and i honestly hate it."

 

Overly dramatic, I daresay. How did my brain ever generate such a convincingly corny phrase?!

 

I am happy right now. Well, of course, as I've said, I get these moments when I get melodramatic, but I am generally happy right now. I am against these emo whatevers for an excuse for teenagers to act cold and dark. I hate being so touchy about things that are not worth the fuss. Not that I deny that I once liked being dark and emotional, but sheesh. They still have to wake up as fast as possible.

 

Right now, I am happy with my family and my friends. I get the sudden uplifting feeling after praying. I think I am growing closer to God, though still not a very good progress. I am happy because of the comfort and laughter my friends and newer friends give me. Though we are still in the stage when we still need to get to know each other better, it is still as fun. Ferlyn! ^^ She manages to make me laugh out of the blue. She's uber fantastic, I feel like I can easily be myself when I am with her, and the comfort she gives me, uber unique! XP And Ella!She's just one of the most trustworthy people in the entire universe. Though we don't get to be together like the way we used to back then, we still are bestfriends! I love her so much! And my family!! Oh how they manage to keep their sanities by taking care of me. My Tatay! My Nanay! My siblings! Though far, I feel like we are always beside each other, and I am happy. Their support, their care and their love are responsible to my being here. *sigh* I LOVE YOU!!!!

 

I do not mean to laugh at myself a year back then, because I would've hated that. But the thing that i like most about it, is that, I HAVE CHANGED INTO A MORE SATISFIED AND HAPPIER PERSON. *sigh*

 

I LOVE GOD, I LOVE MY FAMILY AND I LOVE MY FRIENDS. ^^

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12/12/2006 - 0.o..oh no.
Posted in Unspecified

"mahal ku na ata xa..d nmn cguro.."

My heart skipped a beat. As much as I do not want to drive myself to another conclusively embarrassing and stupid predicament, I cannot avoid it. I do smell something fishy. As a loyal and trusting friend, I will eventually shrugging off this statement the moment I am to stand up from this ancient seat in front of the computer, but as a normal teenager, I couldn't help but doubt it. And since I care about her, I'll shut up and decide that it would be better if I wouldn't make the same mistake that I did last year.

 

My trust will be put to the test.

 

 

 

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12/12/2006 - Insanity
Posted in Unspecified

I would want to ask myself when the time comes that I know myself far better than I do now, that if...

 

I am really insane.

 

You are allowed to call me insane in any better way than that, I mean, who would ever thought of asking himself whether he's crazy or not.

 

In general terms, what are crazy people anyway!?

 

  • they see things most people do not
  • they fancy things out of the ordinary or common standards
  • they see gazing empty-minded in mid-air as a daily routine
  • they hear things others don't
  • they murmur to themselves
  • they hide secrets that they think would be possible to end humanity
  • they think more than other people don't

 

Then if that is the case, I could drive myself with a possible conclusion. All of us are crazy people. We see things other people do not. Like for example, I do see how beautiful the sky is, even if I just got out of school having flunked every other subject, and I do think it is really not objective to further argue whether most people see this as well.

 

Everyone of us likes something or does some things that are really not favorable or pleasing to others. Everyone of us fancies some things most people think are weird. We do things others don't. We think the way others cannot. And maybe that is why we are individuals. We are people, we are as equal as hell...But, we are also very special in our own ways. That would be a better way how to put it, and not the way of telling off a person that he's insane already, 'cause that would be insane.

 

If I were another person besides me and I have stumbled upon this entry for the first time, I might as well be asking myself why the hell did I arrive at this topic, and since I am not, I might as well answer that possible me looking at the other side of the mirror.

 

Well, you see, I've been very interested in books eversince I was in my childhood, though I wasn't really up to reading novels and alike. But since the division contest about literature and the like popped up last year, I've been an avid fan of the novels and the authors, though it must have been late that I have discovered that most of them got coo-coo's up there, and I guess that would be more than a century too late.

 

I got a little bit afraid. To be a writer was one of my greatest dreams, and maybe I am serious about pursuing it. Do I have to be crazy to be called one? I admit, I get caught with pensive moods often times than not, and that scares me. I have been really thinking a lot lately, and a lot of people do not always do that, even I don't back then. It is as if my life took a humungous U-turn that arrived me into this eerie momentarily routine, THINKING.

 

I find myself staring in mid-air and thinking. Just thinking. Thinking with a background music of Suneohair's Waltz Piano Version to match, and though it makes me feel melodramatic, I still find it very pleasing. To be able to pour my heart talking to myself. Maybe it was all I needed all along. I am not saying that I like being like it, half of it makes me feel sad. There are a lot of things in life that I want to do...or selfishly want to have.

 

I don't have to lose my head to become a writer. I don't think I lost it already at this tender age, and my father and mother, I proudly say, haven't either. I've come to a conclusion. I can proudly say I am a WRITER.

 

And all of us are. We live to tell a story, a story that has been there all along, and a few of those who are brave enough to talk about or WRITE about it only begins to discover his own legacy. We write our own story, OUR OWN LIFE. And would you imagine, God happens to be our editor, and the people we love and help us grow are our publishers.

 

I am crazy, the same way that you are. I am sane, the same way that you are as well.

 

I may think a lot, see things others don't, and I don't care. I am a WRITER, and I promise I won't lose my head nor chuck it into a microwave.

 

 

 

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11/26/2006 - Othello
Posted in Unspecified

The pain I feel inside is unbearable. The shameful pain of defeat still lingers on like an intoxicating poison.

 

I've become a very hard person. Just one night, my routine failed on making me smile just before I sleep. I have always imagined "what if's" between my best friend and me and it always felt so real and so pleasing. That one night, I felt so pathetic, I didn't want it. The feeling was so fake, I didn't want it anymore. It wasn't the same as it used to be. That one night, everything moved on without me even noticing it.

 

The songs I used to make me imagine of incredulous fantasies. Romantic or bittersweet, it didn't matter anymore. They were annoying. The songs that made me remind of those times just annoyed the heck out of me.

 

I've set my priorities, and it turns out love (in a sense in which teenagers could actually understand), wasn't really one of them. I hated it, I don't know why. I've been thinking I might've been having this weird kind of personality. Cold heart. Not in a sense when I brush people away from me..Cold heart in which apathetic teenage problems concerning heartaches don't affect me anymore. They all seem senseless. I am a rock. I am a rock. I am a rock.

 

Defeat. Tsk. I didn't give my best shot in my last essay contest, which was Kapnayan, and it comes only every after three years. Our school would've been grand slam if it wasn't for me. For me. 1st in the quiz contest, 1st in the poster making contest. NADA in the essay writing contest. What happened!? I won at the Rural Bank Essay Writing Contest..I expected the pattern again, and I didn't do my best. Of all the friggin' times I had to strike my unbearable misconception of the saying, "You win some, you lose some", it just had to be Kapnayan. I suck. I hate it. I feel so guilty. I didn't give my best shot. I can't give out excuses. Excuses are pathetic, my mother tells me. I lost. There would've been chances, but if only I came prepared! If they only told me that there would really be an essay contest, I would've prepared myself! What the hell would motivate me if they weren't actually sure I'd enter!? Those are my excuses, but they don't matter anymore. What's done is done.

 

I've been listening to Fantasia's, "I Believe". I am going to stand up again. I promise. Failures or victories, I'll accept them all the way.

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10/25/2006 - WEIRD.
Posted in Unspecified

NO, INSANELY WEIRD!!! FINALLY! I FINALLY GOT LOGGED IN IN MY VERY OWN ACCOUNT! HALLELUJAH!!! WAHAHA!! AND IN MY OWN HOUSE AS WELL!!!

 

BEWAAAAAAAAAARE! I AM BACK!!! HAHAHA!!

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10/12/2006 - HEY GUYS..
Posted in Unspecified

Since journalhome's still not going okay in my house, i went to update my livejournal.. gah, horrid as it is! XP anyway, i'll update here if i could, but i guess, since i spend most of my time at our house, dun expect too much..waaaaaaaaaa.. i miss being here, i miss my friends, my entries, OHHH, my whole crap of 165 entries!!!T___T here's the link, and i do hope you'll visit it..please!?XP

 

http://drabbling-idiot.livejournal.com

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10/3/2006 - YAY!!
Posted in Unspecified

so we lost in our creators and creations, but heck, the good Lord does bring glory!!!

 

we won!!! we won for our last year! we won second place, and we're freaking happy!!! we feel so blessed! we defeated errr!!! whatever! shopping!! hahahha!!! congrats 4a1!!! i labshoyuu!!!!

 

we won the debate as well!!! i love you GOD! thank you! thanks for my family and my friends!!! crap!! i love you!@@

 

thanks..i felt like i made lc feel that i was still alive..i was not deserving, but i was given a chance..thanks for believing in me..it does a lot...

 

i feel so friggin happy, but i hafta go... i am in the internet cafe. woo. dammit!

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Posted in Unspecified

I have been trying to log in n times and it has only been today this friggin' blogging site has ever allowed me to do so.

 

Well, thank you, and for that, i am to write an entry which have been swarming inside my head for two friggin' months and yea, beside this utterly annoying guy screaming just beside me. Crap. He has a freakingly annoying shout and a freakingly stupid voice, thank you. Okay so he's annoying me and he's freakingly stupid. Thank you. whotta place to sit in and just contemplate. be back later on.

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About Me

A diary in which it can still be called , though my pages have turned to be a little too different. My life. My pensive moods. My drabbles. My self.

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