Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our
lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install
voice mail?  Imagine praying and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling heaven¦

For English press 1
For Kiswahili press 2
For all other languages, press 3

Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others

I am sorry; all our Angels are busy helping other sinners right now. However,
your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was
received. Please stay on the line. If you would like to speak to:

God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy Spirit, press 3

To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his
social security # followed by the pound sign (If you receive a negative
response, please hang up and dial area code 666)

For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3.16.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, Tsunami, oranges and bananas,
life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in heaven for the
specifics.

Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up
and call again tomorrow.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact
your local pastor.

Thank you and have a heavenly day.

Let us journey on...