Why is that when you think you have found the perfect person you really don't even though people lie to you to get what it is that they want? When I tell my friends about stuff most times they don't believe me because I have never done that before and it doesn't seem like I would do that. Like the other day I told them that Javier this guy I have been talking to online for like a year told me that he loves me and I told him that I do too. Well they all said " It could be fake and it could be real so be careful." They should know me well enough to know that I would NEVER just go off to see some guy before we really get to know each other. My friend Jesse said that he would take a 4 by 4 and stick it all the way up his ass until it came out his mouth. The scary thing is that he would actually do that, I mean I would do that to if some guy hurt my friends and would also to that to some girl if she hurt Jesse. It makes me feel better about the fact that I have accussed Jesse of not wanting to be my friend. It makes me think that he was tellin the truth when he said he wants to be my friend. Jesse has been having a bad week and he had a really bad "Friday". SO I was trying to make him feel better yesterday so I was really preoccupied. I just want him to know that I really do care about him as a friend. That he is the best friend I have. No other friend has ever said they would hurt some guy if he hurt me. Now I am scared to tell him that Javier was probably using me so that he would have someone to talk horny to. Ever since he told me that he loves me he hasn't been online. So now I don't know what to think. Except that it was fake so now I don't want to tell Jesse because I don't know what he will do. Probably nothing because Javier didn't physically hurt me. I know that if he was using me I will be very hurt and depressed on Monday. If he is not on all weekend then I will never talk to him again. Because I have had enough of people saying they love me and then they leave me.
I want Jesse to know that I do want to be his friend it is just that I have not been getting that feeling lately. He says that he has not been ignoring me on purpose; I don't see how you can not ignore people on purose. Well I don't know I do really like talking to Jesse because he makes me feel better about myself and when I am having a bad day makes me smile. Like when my friend Christina was dating this guy James; Jesse was the first to notice that Christina was ignoring me. But now that she is not dating James we talk a little more and I feel better. So Jesse is the one person that I trust the most with my secrets becaus he notices how I feel more than anyone. Sharon my most favorite teacher who is more like a grandmother to me also knows when I am not myself. Which I have not been lately. So they are the two people that I tell when I am having a BAD day.
I will be graduating in November and then I won't get to see Jesse anymore which makes me sad because he is like my best friend. So I will miss him greatly, but people grow apart that is what they do. I am staying at school longer than I have to so that I can see him for just a little bit longer. Also to see Jaynel and Sharon.
Well I am going to go. I will write more later.