i've set the entry to be published tomorrow. ehehhehe, sajer kasik title yg doramatico itu lagiks. just topik nih bermain di fikiran bila ada sesuatu diperkatakan kepada aku sejam yg lepas. hmmmm, i guess banyak org terjerumus, kawan2 pehtu tersuka, pehtu dah dilema. wahahhahah, baru jer ari tuh tgk cter joey, pun dilema si alex yg joey dah classified bespren itu tetiba suka sama joey plak. well, napa ek aku menaip entry nih? aaaaaaaa, tah, sajer jer ah. sebab ari tuh dah macam nak type tapi takder feel. ini feel tetiba datang, wahahhahaha. ari nih aku tanak bebel pepanjang, tapi aku nak featurekan 1 email yg somebody send pada aku, regarding this topic. sebelum salah sangka, biar aku katakan, bukan dia send kat aku sebab dia suka aku ker, wahahhaha, but this is from his best friend, so tarik nafas, baca pelan2

assalamualaikum wbt **** hmmm...how's day? any good? uiks...soklan ni jer aku salu tanyer kat org...hehe...ntah la...aku pon tatau naper tetiber aku hangin nak hantar email kat ****...mcm la tak leh nak messenger or sms...but maybe because through email...it's more comforting and i can speak my heart out.how's your plan going to ******? is the plan getting to perfection everyday? i wish you all the best on your pursuing career in ******....or anywhere you please. i'm your best buddy...damn sure i care for you. that's what a best buddy supposed to do...to care abaut her/his friends. that's what i'm always try to be...a best buddy for you, the one who cares about you. actually...in my life...i felt like people keep saying goodbye to me and i'm tired of it. it's damn tiring to see the people you care for to say good bye and leave...damn disappointing too...so i guess, this time i should be the one that wanna say good bye. i wanna say good bye for good to you. it's damn hard...but i guess, that's for my my own good.why? why is that? 1st of all...i'm tired of pretending. i'm tired of pretending being your most brilliant buddy in the world and feeling ok to be teased occasionally,when you feel like it. it's not that i hate it but that kinda attitude putting me in a level that i don't wanna be into.i don't wanna be just best buddy... 2nd, i'm once more hate of pretending. i'm hate of pretending that i'm ok when you tell nice things about these girls or how you joking about you like my roommate or the things you said about *****. i'm not ok with that. it's not that i hate them. i never hate them. not one bit. it just that i've this pang of jelousy slapping on my face just when you say about them. the day you told me about aleya...i feel so devastated, i almost cry...i felt so tempted to cry...my heart crushed...i still do...but i try to keep my composure...act casual about it and be like othe best buddy...congratulate you and support your back whenever you're in need. i like you a lot more than i can possibly imagine and that frightens me. i've told you about how disappointed i feel when i discover i'm in love with a guy. i don't want to feel insecure...or vulnerable. i hate that feeling. it's crucifying. and that guy is you. it amazes me how could i possibly like you this much when i know all your flaws...then i realize...i love you unconditionally...there's no reason to love you but i did. and that makes me haven't have a reason to dislike you. plus, i believe that imperfectness is making life more beautiful and interesting to discover. you must be in a great shock...or maybe you already guessed how pathetically i'm falling for you...so funny how life could turn up to be. how comical! life is a dark comical piece that's so entertaining at one time and become hurtful on the other. see, ****. actually...i don't want to tell you all this. i really don't wanna tell you...but then...since you'll be far and far away from my life...and you keep coming and go whenever you please make me suffer. it's time to put a stop for it. it's time for me to say goodbye. this time...i'm the one who choose the time...not you. and that lend me a temporary happiness...at least at the moment... i can't hardly imagine my day without a simple thought of you...it's hard to live a day without a simple sms from you...but i'll try.i'm a survivor...i'm always be. it's better for me to feel suffer now...than someday in the future when i fall deeper for you and it's hard for me to rise from the free fall.you maybe angry with me...or whatever...it's up to you. i won't care less...because...as the mail reach you...i've put myself to a great distance from you.somewhere unreachable... i'm sorry for not being your shoulder to cry on in the future...or a perfect person to tease all day...i hope,you'll find somebody to be your best buddy. i know, you'll find somebody in no time.i'm sure of it.nobody is indispensable...i'm no exception. i hope,you'll find your perfect happiness and able to share it with the person who love you just the way you are.i hope,you'll able to get anything you wish for and having anything according to your own way.i hope,you'll get the best the world could offer... amat,i'm sorry for everything that i've ever done that hurt you or for being such a nuisance most of the time...(you won't have to 'kesian' at me again) ****, thanks for making me your best budy...for being there when i need you and for giving me the hardest lesson of all...by showing me what it's like to love somebody and get no love in return...but i've no regret...knowing you is one of the best things that ever happened to me...here's a poem to you... LOVE LETTER Dear love; tell me how should I start? To tell you the secret inside my heart I don't know how to put it nicely So you'll understand me perfectly Are you the person that I can confide? It's killing me to hold this secret inside Gosh! It's hard to find the right word I keep searching every second and every third So, I decide to write you this stupid poem Which is lack of good rhyme and rhythm I pray to the Lord for the strength tonight I really want to tell you everything right If I don't tell you everything that I feel now I'm afraid, I won't have the second chance, anyhow There's a chance that I'll make a mistake And I'll get myself a painful heartbreak I want to tell you that I love you truly The feeling is genuine and always will be The image of you stamped on my molten heart You shot my heart with your drugged darts Oh...! Such an addiction that I feel It's happening to me against my will! You're the one who can make my heart beats faster I'm breathless and that doesn't turn the situation any better I love you so much, my heart hurts bad I keep trying to forget you but that makes me mad Right now, my eyes are brimming with tears I'm desperately want to tell you but I have these fears I'm afraid that you'll laugh at my face And you'll leave me embarrass in such disgrace I'm afraid that you'll mock at my confession And accuse me being a girl with an incurable obsession I'm afraid that you'll never speak to me again And you'll turn my efforts in vain Why can't you see, you're the only one in my head! The last thing on my mind before I go to bed I tell you this; I fought this feeling before Oh! Such a excruciating pain I had to endure But in the end...all I got is a failure With a bleeding heart that is needed to be cured You're my sunshine, you're my blinking star I keep remembering you no matter how far I pay any price, I give my everything Just to let you understand all about my feeling I need strength, but now all I want to do is cry Why on earth, that I'm feeling so shy! You're the only one that I want to live with forever You're the only one that I want to spend my time with together You're the one who fill my head with sugary thoughts I keep trying to escape but I'm already caught! When your sister gives too many kisses to you I suffer greatly, I'm neurotic about you! As I'm sitting on my bed, crying alone The thoughts of you prickle me like thorn You cause me great suffer ness yet I love you still I forgive you, you're ignorant of what exactly I feel I'm lovesick, love struck and already weaken Help me! My bravery is decreasing each passing second I have all these sweet dreams with you in each of it I try to wear it on me but it doesn't seem to fit It grieves me greatly because I'm already aware of that fact But then, I'm helplessly in love...there's no turning back! I'm falling for you; will you come and catch me? Or...will you leave me in the black pit, trap and unfree Dear love, I know there are girls who love you to But I assure you, none of them could love me like I do I'll be by your side to bring you happiness I'll cry with you, to share some of your sadness I'll watch your back and catch you when you fall I'll come to you, wherever and whenever you call I promise you, I'll never leave your side I promise you, I'll never run...I'll never hide To live without you, my life will lose all it's fun As you complete me like no one could've ever done The one who'll love you till the end YOUR BESTFRIEND

to be honest, berpinar gak mata aku baca email dari member aku nih. tapi bila dah abis, memang move me nearly to tears laaa. yg menerima email nih lagikla sedih, menangis dia, kehilangan bespren. what would i do kalau aku dalam situation ini? something to ponder upon, hmmmmm. i said to this person yg menerima email nih, "i'll fight for him" tapi in reality, cukup ke strenght aku nak fight?

well, mesti org yg terlibat pura2 wonder, am i speaking for myself here? meh aku ulang balik "it's hard to confess our love esp when we really love that someone", tuh jer yg aku mampu nak type

p/s: i'll sleep this matter over, and hopefully i reach my decision tomorrow, or tatau la kalau dah bertindak sebelum itu, wahahahhaha(which is today, kalau ikutkan hari aku menaip entry nih, ehehe)