*i'm typing this entry in advance since esok cuti. i set this entry to be posted exactly at 2am, ada sebabnya. keep on reading..

ini entry khas hari merdeka lak. rajin banget aku wat entry2 khas ek. kenapa ada entry khas jugak untuk hari merdeka? sebabnya, ada mender significant yg happened to me on 31st august 2003

aku kenal dia awal tahun 2002 kat mirc (lagi?) time tuh memang gler chatting pasal gayat skits, ada connection dalam bilik hostel kat kampus baru

memula kawan2 besa ajer, pastu tetiba slow2 jadik luar biasa. i think we really connect with each other bila dia menjadik hero, menyelamatkan aku dr zaman gelap. offer solution. siap tak ikut member kluo minum, rela dikutuk kerana layan jiwang ngan awek irc

maybe i'm a fool, to believe in cyber love. well, banyak proof kata cyber love berjaya. but maybe i forgot, or chose to look d other way around when speaking about statistic yg gagal plak

 <-- pic innocent bekas "yg tersayang"

anyway, bukan ada kelebihan pun dia layan aku kan. bukan dapat apa2 insentif bila mengucapkan "i love you" pada aku. bukan bertambah banyak duit dia bila dia koling2 aku. bukan bertambah masa dia bila melayan aku. bukan tambah menyenangkan dia bila aku mintak tolong itu ini

start perasan dia agak2 lain macam masa dia cuti antara semester around april 2003 rasanya. b4 that ada gakla mender2 yg suspicious tp minor2 jerla. by june ker july memang dah chronic abis dahla. he wasn't answering my call. even off his handset time2 yg memang aku suka koling2

actually, ada ajak dia untuk celebrate my convo. siap tempahkan bilik hotel kat dia - using my own money. yerla, nak book hotel kan kena cepat. awal2 tahun dah book, mana tau nak jadik camnih.

dah dekat2 nak convo - still tokleh contact dia lagik. a day b4 my convo, went back to gemas, with my 2 bestfriends menemani coz nak bertolak reramai dr kg ngan my parents and along's family. pastu singgah kat r n r sg perak, made a call to him using payphone kat sana. since dia tatau it was me, dia angkat. but when i gave salam, dia kenal my voice, terus dia putuskan call. i was like, terkujat, tergamam kat situ. there n then it was confirmed, dia tamau dah becakap ngan aku

then, continue journey nak ke penang nih, i was unbelievably silent. then, dah lama2 skits, i opened my mouth, n ceritakan what really happen to my co-pilot aka one of my bespren - nob. time tuh, air mata memula slow2 jer mengalir, pastu dah mencurah2 cam air terjun niagara. panik minah tuh, since farina sedap2 tak sedarkan diri kat belakang, ehehehe

my convo was on 10th august 2003

 <-- wat2 hepi masa konvo

after that, even dah terasa, i was rejected, still tak puas ati. aku cuba gak sedaya upaya selamatkan hubungan yg ada tuh, because i really loved him.

maka sampaila ke kemuncak cerita, pagi2 buta 31st august tuh, pukul 2 am, aku terjaga dengan bunyik sms masuk. aku wat tatau, masuk lagik satu. so, aku pun bukak sms itu

sorry, tak ingat exact word dia, but lebey kurang camnihla dia kata:

"u are not my gf. u r just so-called irc gf, but in time u make me sick"

sms no 2 tuh plak:

"don't contact me anymore"

hmmmm, terkujat time tuh. berderau darah jap. so, i just replied

"fine"

that's it. berakhirlah kisah cinta pertama saya itu. really hurt actually. pastuh tak boleh tido dah. surprisingly, tak nangis lagik time tuh. guess that time i was in shocked. the tears came out later. lama gak nak menyembuhkan diri

surprise2, it was not me yg contact dia balik, but it was him. about 3 days before puasa that year, he called me. maybe his 1st intention nak mintak maaf, but last2 cakap selamat puasa ajer. hmmm, lepas tuh sms2, dia kata "can i be ur friend" dan dengan gelojohnya aku jawab buleh

not a smart move from me. and a zalim move from him (kata besprenku si wadie), since he obviously knew, i loved him and still was. kawan2 la ngan dia. sms2 selalu. email. kol jarang2 sekali la, tak macam dulu. but kalau dah sebulan senyap, sure dia initiated contact tanyakan khabar

n hujung tahun lepas (18/12/2004), he got married. dia ada jemput. tak dapat nak tunaikan. masa tuh laaa final yg teramat final laa dalam hidup. nangis lagik skali masa dia confirm ajak tuh. mata bengkak jer g office balik lepas lunch. and since he got married, not once did he contact me. and aku pun tanak contact dia lagik dah. but still got his hp number dalam phone aku

to naaim: thanx for everything. saya doakan awak berbahagia selalu....

obviously not yours (telah kusimpan balik ati nih untuk diserahkan kepada kekasih hatiku di satu saat yg tepat nanti),

-muna-