i just slapped minto in the face!  i'm mortified that i did that!  i'm so sorry.  i hugged him and we both cried.  and as you guessed, i didn't have a rest today.  i've been going all day.

and not that it gives me any reason to hit my kids, they have been such buggers.

they were jumping on the trampoline in the rain.  all wet and soaking.  i asked them to come in and clean the table for dinner and get changed and they immediately jumped into a pan of mud up to their ankles. 

then they came inside whooting and hollering, stomping up the stairs and running around naked and slamming doors.  all while tigerlily had a much needed nap.  at first i think, "i'm just going to have dinner by myself right now, while they hold a pow-wow upstairs.  but then i thought, "if tigerlily wakes, she's going to be ticked."  so i headed upstairs on the warpath.  i should have just quieted myself and then calmly headed upstairs...but no.

minto was but naked and running out of the bathroom, but just looking at my face sent him wheeling about and heading back into the bathroom.  he tried to slam the door, but i stopped it, fearing the noise would wake the baby.  then i reached around and slapped him.  orgulas and ruby headed to their rooms fearing they would be next.  i walked down the hall slowing my anger.  then i turned back to the bathroom and hugged the sobbing boy and talked to him, telling him of my mistake and of my sorrow. 

i don't know what to do with him.  why is he mine?  why did you give him to me?  he's so hard to understand and i'm so hard for him to understand.  we just don't match. 

i love him so much but he makes me so mad sometimes.

my palm is red.  mixed from the slap and peeling beets.

i need to go to confession.  i feel miserable right now.

o God, please show me how you see minto.  how you love him. 

and please show me how you see me, and how you love me.