So I am reading this book and it has me thinking. I read it years ago before I got in an overly abusive relationship. I mean I was in a few little ones but they are like piddly nothings. So the book didn't make much sense to me because all I could think is why didn't she just leave him? Well now I understand the answers to it way more than I ever wanted too.

It is like relating to something completely. I get the whole trying to make yourself small so not to be noticed. I get the fact that the things that make him mad on one day are going to be the things that make him smile on the next. I get the not leaving because the time was never right. And now I get he was mad and I got hit but he was never mad at me. He was just mad.

I am not sure how good it is to relate to that...to realize you are dead and not even care. To push the buttons on purpose because that is the easy way. I can remember right before I left getting in his face and saying before he had a chance to touch me "Go ahead and kill me while your at it because it is the only thing you have left to do to me." The rest didn't hurt anymore.And I meant for him to kill me because then I didn't have to do it. How crazy is that?