9/1/2006
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In charge of the adults
It is so sad...my son knows I function on a lower level than most people so he tends to just "randomly" take care of things. At this point, all the good moms are thinking "Poor kid. He has to take care of his mom." and you are probaly right. But i do the best I can which is the most important part of being a parent, right? I mean no one gets it all right all the time, do they? Last night, my wonderful man calls me into the bathromm to give me a list of things that we need from the store when I get my check today. I mean the kid knows that I can not remember things all that well and I am more of a impulse shopper than an actual list-writer. So he tells me to get some paper and write it down. I am amazed everyday by this child who takes care of me, loves me, looks at me as perfect and never complains that things aren't perfect for him. If I was to ever to believe in the Christian concept of God, it would be because of him. This absolutely beautiful child I carried within me for nine months than brought him home from the hospital like I had any idea in the world what I was doing. Many times in the last almost nine years I have thought "What where them nurses thinking lettin me be in charge of someone so perfect. I am just gonna ruin him." but I haven't yet. Actually, he seems to thrive all the harder for it. He is loving, happy, and well-balanced (so far) and I did that. I really never thought the love I would feel for this baby would over ride all the things in my life but it does. I live, breath, eat that child. He is my savior in all things like he knows when things are that far down that he will come in with his loving, funny self and fix me without ever realizing (or maybe he does by now) that he did it. He has saved me more times than I can count in his eight and a half little years adn never once did I say thank you. He has always been my best friend and even from the first month of his life, he has been "taking care" of me. He knew as a baby when I was over stressed and would not cry, but just play in his crib until I could get a grip. He never pushed too far, like he knew I couldn't handle it. He has always protected me from myself (because I can do more damage to myself than anyone could ever do to me) without any thought to it. He is an old spirit and I would swear he is like my gramma reincarnated. I have tried to hide so much from him but he always seems to know. I would give my life for this kid. But instead I keep my life for him (which at times can be harder for people like me). He was sent to me for a reason and I am in love with my child like only a mother can be. I may suck at being a mother a lot of times, but what I lack in stability and knowledge I sure make for with love. That counts for something, doesn't it? |
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