9/21/2006
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Been gone a week...
| ...which, as we all know, means a lot of catching up on the bs that makes up my life for the most part. I dunno where to even begin and I am so depressed for the most part that the organization I need to make sense is gone right out the window. I will try to get al of the info to fit in here but it may not be in the right order of how things have happened. I have spent the last few days trying to figure out how to stop the break down and put my life back together. I am not sure where that begins so it is a distance I am not sure I can make this time. The positive side of this is that I am counting down the days until we are medicated (YIPPY) and can reduce myself to the fog that will become my life. Now I know that isn't the best way to handle things by any means but it is the best thing for my kids at the moment. For the time being, I am just trying to go from day to day (while trying to remember what day I am on) without doing anything stupid for the most part. No drinking or self-medicating. Dealing with this phase of my life stone cold sober (not that I am happy about it) which was a new lesson in reality for sure!!! I am, for the first time in a few years, trying to figure out the best way to deal with the turmoil without the aid of anything. Next week I will be put on mood stablizers and anti-depressants and anxiety meds and probably a sleeping pill. That will be about 4-7 pills a day just to sleep, eat and remember that it is ok to breath....Lawd I am screwed up. And to get off the subject, God...I hear from everyone that "God doesn't give anyone more than they can handle." Well that right there proves to me there is no God. More than you can handle, huh? Well than why all the suicides? Apparently their lives were more than they can handle, right? |
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