9/22/2006
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My OCD and the things it makes me do...
1. All the things on the coffee table (which are two candles, two coasters, and an ashtray) have to be faced the same way and be the exact same distance from each other and the end of the table.And they are in an exact order...coaster, candle, ashtray , candle then last coaster. To beat that, the coasters have pictures on them and so they have to be faced in the same way, not picky which way because there are couches on both sides of the table but they both have to be facing one or the other. 2. When sleeping any place I have to sleep on the left side on my left side and it has to be the farthest from any door, window or other opening that could let "something" get me. At times that means sleeping backwards on a bed to accomplish that but if I don't I will not ever sleep. (It is a wonder anyone can ever sleep next to me) 3. When people outside of my "comfort people" touch me, I feel incredibly dirty...I mean to the point it is almost like I can see some invincible handprint or something they have left behind. I can point out the exact place they touched me and I have to shower ASAP. The place I got touched (even if there was clothes between and no skin to skin contact) has to be repeatedly scrubbed until I feel like the "print" is gone. This applies to anything...people bumping me on a bus, brushing past someone at the bar, or people who think they are "comfort people" but really aren't touching me as a form of affection. I am like a maniac in the shower trying to erase the "evidence" someone had been near me. I mean I even look at the spot they touched repeatedly like I expect it to fall off or just start growing some kinda funk because someone had the balls to accidently touch me. 4. I have a fear of forgetting things, so I have three calendars to write things down in plus keep two journals to remember the things I deem important. This is for the fear that things will get lost, misplaced for a time, or will get stolen. (I mean c'mon who steals a calendar?) These things are looked at a minimum of five times a day EACH and that is a good day. Damn if it is a bad day. It can get up to like 20-25 times. Like I don't know what is gonna change on there or who else is gonna write something in it, but just in case. And GOD FORBID one of the kids accidently move them. I will get in a panic and tear the house apart until I find it. (Are we having fun yet?! This is my therapy...why pay someone when I can point out things for my damn self?) 5. When doing Birdy's hair, it all has to be exactly even. I mean all of it exact, which for Jay can mean having to re-do re-do re-do until it is perfect. And the really crazy part is she hates her hair being up so I may work on that poor baby's hair for an hour getting it perfect and a few hours later she will pull it down!!! (That is one of her OCD problems) We go through all that hell for nothing. 6. I never sleep. It is a fear I have of waking up to the unexpected...except for Wednsday. I sleep almost all day on that day. I for some reason feel like it is the middle of the week and nothing can fuck up then. For the days before then and the days after two to three hours tops, if I sleep at all. But man I look forward to Wednsdays. I warn people not to call or have a breakdown on that day for I will be out of commission...Sorry folks can't help ya none! I do not have any clue how it ended up being that particular day but it did. Ok that is as far of the list I want to go becasue I am getting bored with this...that is why therapy never works for me. I get bored with something and I just quit doing it. Take my drug habits...never mind we will cover that in another entry. |
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