9/25/2006
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Watching the train wreck...
| Over the weekend, my boy had a breakdown. It is not very often it happens to him like this, and when it does it is usually drug induced. WHen it does happen, it is like watching a train wreck. BIG LOUD AND HORRIFYING!!! I can't look away, I can't do anything to stop it, and I can't help to pull the people out before it happens. All I can do is pick up the broken pieces and try to put them back together after it is over. His apparent reason for the melt down was because everything in his life sucks and he cannot get it to quit being shit... but at the same time he knows he has caused a lot of this so it is harder for him. The other bad part for him isb that we are seperated and he doesn't know when we are going to see each other again. That fact that he is mad and the fact he knows I don't judge him makes it easier to take it out on me. I end up being made to feel like shit though we both know I didn't have anything to do with any of the things going on in his life. Yes I walked out but that was a long time ago and it was for good reason. We were going to kill each other eventually. And the fact is, he wanted me to go more than I did so fuck him. Anyways, after he spends an hour screeching and bitching at me, while all I can say is "I love you babe" and " I am sorry it is so hard for you" he finally confesses to the fact he is drugged up...Aha now I get it. He is trashed, taking the kind of pills that make him be an ass and of course it is all his fault. But to his side for a minute (I know I make excuses for everyone) he is stressed out. The "grandma" dies the day before and then there is the fact that his bitch ass mother is in town. She pops in every few years to treat him like shit and make him feel useless. And that is all he kept saying..."I am a failure" "I am a fuck-up" "I just wanna die" ...it freaks me out when he hits bottom like that because he is never like that. He is usually hitting something, not crying. It was a complete change in his personality and made me completely happy I was hours away from him. Luh ya boy but I can't help you anymore...do your own thing and get your life straight. I wish I could save you but I have to save my kids now. Holla at me later in life and I will see what I can do. |
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