My first love finally gave in to the cancer that had been eating away at his body for the last few years. Yesterday at 4:30 in the afternoon, my Doug died. It was just a few short weeks until his daughter's birthday and just months before Christmas. I never made it down to see him because of the lack of a car but I was thinking of him nonstop in the last few days, wishing to get to him. I feel so bad for everyone involved, his family, my family (we had all been friends with him forever) and the friends he must have made in the last few years. I am so sorry to him for the things I didn't say to him in the past and the things I will never be able to say now. This whole situation brings to mind the same old questions of "Did he know I loved him?" "Where is he now?" and "How does everyone pick up the pieces of this mess?" I just wish I had some answers...but more than that I wish it would sink in already so I can just have the final breakdown and heal. I am sick of being numb already. |
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