5/6/2007
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All that previous
| Let's start this way... This is what happened right after I posted about his birthday...I mean the very next day, on his birthday, this is what I found: (N is his girl, T is him) N:talk to you soon T:ok my love talk to you later N:ok cant wait T:better have my panties ready N:i will T:on wednesday N:thats your birthday present N:ok bye T:bye So what do I do to that? Ya know what I did? I copy it into an e-mail and sent it so he knows that I know and then I act like nothing happened until he reads it and sees. Then he wants to say thank you to me for not leaving him on his birthday. He should say thank you for the fact that this crazy girl didn't get crazy and kill him on his birthday. Instead I just said I am a good person who doesn't do that and kept smiling at him. What the fuck is wrong with me? I cannot possibly love him that much, can I? It seems to me that I am just overly something...I just can't figure out what! I don't know why I didn't leave. I mean that thought never crossed my mind. Even knowing I have got a bunch of other places to go and people who would treat me better, I never went over the possiblity of leaving until he said it. And even then it was in my head like "Why would I do that?" I know for a fact I am not that sprung to want to stay after all the shit I have went through. Really at this point, I probably want to leave. But why don't I? Tre said that we have nothing (like kids, marriage, or bills) holding us together just the fact we love each other but I am not sure we even have that... So what DO we have? That's the thoguht I am having today. Why am I doing this still? I need an answer so bad but I know that I can't get it outside of myself. It is one of those great answers that can only come from within and when you get it, it is gonna knock you on your ass. I can't wait for it. I just want it to hurry up and get here so I can connect my dots. |
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