6/30/2007
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I have to save myself?!
| The reality set in today when I realized that I was gonna have to save
myself. I have been waiting for the last few days for someone,
something somewhere to come and save my ass from the tears, sadness,
loneliness, and just outright depression I have been having and then it
smacked me in the forehead like a ton of bricks... I am the only one
who is for now and for the rest of my life gonna be the one to save me.
What do I do now? I am no good at saving me. Ask me to save the planet,
a friend, and animal...any thing am I will be right on it with a plan
and it might even be really good. But save myself.... BITCH PLEASE!!!!
All knowledge of how to do that goes right out the window and before I
have a chance to close the window, the panic comes in. How do I know
where to even begin and how in the fuck have people been saving
themselves for years without just throwing themselves off a bridge? I
know that is what I felt like doing as soon as I realized it was gonna
be all on me. BBBuuuuttttt.... instead of doing that I went to the house to bawl like the biggest baby in the world. I guess it made me feel a little better but I am still stuck in this whirlwind that is considered my life. It isn't gonna get better just by crying but it got out the pent up emotion that needed to be released so I don't feel like crying so much. Now I just want to write. I don't think at this point it even matters what I write about, just keeping my hands busy and my mind moving. Life gets easier once I get the junk out of my mind. It is like the whole thing gets foggy and then writing defrosts it and I can see think again. Some people run, some people fight, I write to keep the two inches of sanity that I have left. |
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