7/6/2007
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Overly Broken
| Fuck when it rains it pours..... more like when it rains, a tornado
comes by and take the whole damn house and just leaves you standing in
a basement. And lemme just tell you not a very big basement when trying to fit in this many people. First let me start with saying you can't save everyone (Thanks Melissa) but sometimes you can't save you from yourself. I am trying to save me and my relationships from me and from them but it isn't working out the way it needs to be. They are going to make the same mistakes no matter how many ways and times you tell them to stop. I am going to do the same dumb shit regardless if I know better or not. It is just the way these people are and I wish for the best for all of us but we are failing so very bad. Secondly, I can't stand my mother for the most part. She can't stand me either most of the time so it isn't like a very big surprise. But when I got the phone call today that she was in the hospital with some very serious shit, I got this weird feeling. Maybe it was because I just saw her yesterday or maybe it was because over the last few months we have stopped judging each other so harshly. Either way, I feel very bad she is sick and I can't save her. I am so sorry mom. I know your life is falling to shit but mine is a little off too and I can't or don't know what to do to help. But for the first time in public I will say for the whole world to see... I love you and I am sorry. As for the sound of my life...I am not trying to be mean. I am falling apart and you were suppose to be my man in the shining armor. Not just to get your black ass outta bed when I need pancakes but for all the rest of it too. You keep asking me what to do but it feels fake if you do it because I tell you to. Think for yourself. You are a big boy and know the difference between right and wrong, don't you? Fix it on your own this time. Live without me like I am not here. I can't save you. I did that already as much as I can. I did my part in fixing you, saving you and holding you up. Guess what sweetie? It is my turn! Either do it right or don't do it at all. I keep telling you these things, so don't be surprised. Just keep it moving.... I am exactly as my phone says I am.... OVERLY BROKEN |
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