7/6/2007
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All by myself...
I am starting to feel better. It sucks that I had to be mean and run everyone in my life off to get to be by myself but I am and I am kinda loving it. I think it is just a matter of minutes before I am over run with people trying to bring me back up...(Fuck the peppy. Do I look like a peppy kinda person?I'll answer that for you...NO!!!) I am just so damn crowded these days. Someone always wanting to be in my space or touch me or something. That's all good in moderation but as a full time thing I just suck so bad at it. I like me by myself. Then I don't have to protect anyone's feelings or take care of them. Even when I think I have the alone time there is a text message or a call...something to let me know they are just a few numbers away from me (why did we all get the damn cell phones?) It is just so damn hard for me. I have walls and even if I attemp to take them down, they are still there enough to let me get these panick attacks when I know they are being climbed over. And climbed over they are these days. If it isn't the man, then it is the girl. If it isn't those two, it is one of the twelve kids in and out of the house on any given day. It is always something. How do they expect me to know how to breath if there isn't any air in the damn place because they have taken it all? Help me for real...I am awful person for feeling like that but that is just me. You can take it or leave it. I can't change. Trust me I have tried and it wasn't a lot better for anyone. |
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