7/1/2007
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Grammy's Baby
| Here we go again. I was my grandma's baby for sure. Her birthday is on
the fourth, so yet again I made it through another year without her.
The thing is, it was easier this year. I realized I really don't care,
instead of the faking it like I usually do. I realized who my family
was and what it meant to actually have some. I realized that I am the
adult in my life (scariest realization EVER) and though I am not sure
yet I like it, I am definately coming to terms with it. I have found
that I can be as wild and crazy as I want. The ones who love me will
anyways and the ones who don't I'm not sure I really care what they
think. I found out I am a good mom even if I am not the most perfect
one. I found out that a lot of happiness is over-rated and that sadness
is good for the soul too. I found out running away doesn't mean leaving
the location you are at.Nad sometimes staying is a lot harder, but
better for you. The biggest lesson I think I learned this year is that
it is ok to love who you do without feeling guilty. That's just life
and it will be what it is suppose to be without your two cents by any
means.
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7/1/2007
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I was the SuperBitch last night.
| I was the SuperBitch last night. I am so tired of my girl not just
moving on. I am one of those that either fix it or leave it alone
types. I am not gonna sit and listen to the bitching for three months
while you continue to do the same thing with no movement in any
direction. HE ISN"T GONNA BE WHAT YA NEED!!!! End of discussion. Find
a new man for fucks sake. Don't send him repeated text messages from my
phone and your phone because it isn't gonna help him or you. You live a
"free" (to keep it tactful) lifestyle, while he is way more straight
laced. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him... he is just
that way. We both know the reasons why and we don't want to change him,
do we? Well last night, my bad day kept me from being tactful and I flat told her. He isn't ever gonna be what ya need. Trying to say these things to make him change aren't helping either of you. He knows you aren't gonna stick to them because you both know you are just saying them to try to make him. Not working, is it honey? MOVE THE FUCK ON ALREADY!!!! To top that, how are you gonna be mad that he doesn't show up until 10 if the night before he shows up at 6 and at 9 you bounce out to the TSC and leave him home? Same stunt isn't it? I am not one of those people who will automatically take your side just because we are friends. I am gonna keep my standards which means I am gonna tell the truth. I don't love ya any less... I just think you are gonna have to face reality one way or the other and it might as well be by someone that loves you. Sorry baby girl, you two weren't made for each other. Either be friends or make the both of you stay away from each other. 'Nuff said! |
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7/1/2007
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Lemme tell ya 'bout her
| She does so very bad with emotions that her best method of fixing the
broken girl is distraction. And surprise surprise...IT WORKED!!!! Who'd
a thought?! Not me... but by the time she finished distracting me with
antanea buying so that she can get more than channel 2 on her t.v., I
had stopped crying and was even feeling a little lighter yesterday.
Maybe that bitch is on to something that the rest of the world has no
clue about. Through the whole thing all I can think is that she is
straight crazy but then when I left there and was driving back to my
personal insanity I realized that I wasn't crying and wasn't even sure
I had the need to cry again. (Not to say I didn't cry atleast once more
last night, but it wasn't a five hour tear fest...just a few minutes
TWICE and then I was back to almost good.) She asked me a question the other day and now I finally have an answer for it.... Did I miss you? More than even I know but I am learning it now for sure. |
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7/1/2007
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It's Sunday
| This means that maybe all the negative for the week is behind me and I
can move on to a way better time. I am gonna see about the kids coming
home today and then they are suppose to go see Grammy next week (but
not until like Saturday). I get to do nothing but hang out with them
and see what kind of a good time we can have together. It is gonna be
so super great. Then there is the fireworks for next week!!! We all know what kind of great fun that will be. I am excited. Last year on the fourth the guy I was seeing fell into a bonfire and I was sure I was gonna have to stay with him forever. Ok sounded a little mean but I don't mean it that way. I was just in the middle of breaking up with him when he hurt himself and ya can't break up with someone as soon as they got hurt. (For those who don't know, the assigned time to stay is six weeks. I made it three and am incredibly proud of myself because I wasn't sure I would even make it that.) So hopefully a better fourth is coming around this year. We can all hope for the best and keep it moving. The good news I woke up this morning with enough of the depression lifted that I managed to get outta bed. Maybe it is slowly fading and I can find or way back to a good time. We shall see where the day takes us for sure. |
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6/30/2007
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And she isn't stopping
| I am a never gonna stop writing today. But at least I attempting to eat
at the same time. I know that the reason I am being this off today is
because I hurt so much and then there is just so much going on... the
pain in my stomach makes me feel all the bad more intense. I want to be
able to not hurt anymore but I am sure that isn't gonna happen anytime
soon. So for right now I am gonna take a few pain pills and hope for
the best. I wnat to feel better. As much as I am having to take care of the whole group, I am kinda glad that we are all huddled up in my room together. They are laid out all over the bed and in some chairs (not in my space) but they are all together and I know that no one is in jail or having any emergency I have to run and take care of. Lots better for the most part. Ok I think I got it all out for the most part, so I am gonna watch a movie or do something else less productive for the rest of the day. |
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