I HATE YOU!!!! you are such a BIG LIAR!!!!!

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! ol u know is to make LIES & PROMISES!!!

you can go hell!!!

when we love someone so much, we become part of that person, and when that person leaves us, he will always take a part of us with him.

 

we have heard so many people who decide to take their lives when they feel hopelessly alone & unwanted. Sometimes we are tempted to hurt ourselves to make our partners feel sorry for us and to make them feel bad about what they have done. Sumtyms, pipol go beyond juz hurtin themselves and put an end 2 the life God has given them.

 

it is sad 2 think that sumtyms, we can be capable of takin away a life dat doesnt belong to us, but was juz leased by God 2 fulfill our purpose here on earth.

 

any person who have been so hurt badly dat decided to quit life "¦. That was their choice"¦ it is sumting dat they will have to be responsible for on Judgment Day.

 

we dont have to blame ourselves for their death "¦ remember, everyday hearts are broken and lives are shattered. but many of the victims of love choose not to give up and lose hope, for they know that God  doesnt give us a test dat we cannot possibly bear "¦. no matter how difficult life may seem, there is always hope "¦. there is always a promise of redemption. all we have 2 do is trust God.

 

always pray & learn to let go of the guilt that imprisons you! we have to forgive ourselves and accept that letting go of their life was their choice not OURS"¦ do not make the same judgment they made. Let us be strong and live our life in faith and hope "¦ teach ourselves to love agen "¦. juz remember that we hold in our hands the capacity to make people happy or sad "¦. we shud make the RIGHT choice, and be instruments who brings JOY & HAPPINESS to the lives of the pipol around us"¦.. 

When I saw you, I was afraid to meet you... When I met you, I was afraid to kiss you... When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you... Now that I love you, I'm afraid to lose you.... loveyou so much honey!

tears in my eyes were juz waitin 2 fall down... wanted 2 cry but i couldn't ... am holdin back these tears 2 fall coz i know, once it'l fall - can't stop cryin  

my heart is really bleeding ryt now .... am very much worried of what is happenin to 'US' .... things were flowing so smoothly with us for the first month. but a sudden change occured ... it started when you found out that ur wife will be taking ur kids with her ...  which i know it's one of ur FEAR .... losing ur kids. I can feel & i can see it in ur eyes how much you love them & u dont wanna lose them .... and at that very moment (the last time we were together - May 3) - i can feel how bothered & troubled you are - i know! nevertheless - - - you stayed with me.

however. you juz dont know what am feelin dat tym ... i can feel that, that will be our LAST moment to be together ... remember i told you, i have a feelin dat i can't explain??? was so scared dat i may not c u agen , that u myt leave me & give up bec of what is happenin in ur lyf .... and i dunno wat else is in ur mind .... wanted to comfort you but i dont know how coz i know watever i do, i can't take whatever feelin u have at dat moment ..... you know sometimes, been thinkin' this will not gonna happen if i didn't came into ur life & entered the scene ....

time passed ... am tryin 2 absorb the situation & the scenario .... but little by little - am losing my patience & understanding since there's so many changes. And that I CAN'T ACCEPT the FACT that u have a very limited time for me that it came to a point i was thinkin - am already competing with wid ur kids & wid ur wife. I became so PARANOID and i admit that. That is because - am so SCARED of LOSING you.

That is why whenever we have the chance to talk - we fight because at the back of my mind - am starting to lose you .... because of the CHANGES .... change wid ur tym & ur attention for me. No matter what assurance you gave me - i feel - it's nothing, it's useless & were all LIES! Because it's diffrent from what is happenin!

I admit, it came to a point - wanted to give up! i was so SICK & TIRED of arguments & everyday fights! not to mention our 2nd MONTHSARY - t'was a distressing experience not only for me and i know for you also.... it was supposed to be OUR DAY but it turned out to be a NIGHTMARE to both of us. Really! I was supposed to surprise you with the news that OUR PLAN of going to Dubai will now be PURSUE! Was so excited to divulge it to you but it didnt turned out as to what I have planned.  Wanted to end what we have started .... but i can't! i really can't!  I ask myself - how come i can't leave you to think i have a very peaceful though not so perfect life & family but i know at the end of the day - i have a HOME & a FAMILY to come home to.

One thing for sure - am not ready to give up this early! Am still holding on to OUR PROMISE & PLANS. And how can i say no when my heart say so??? I know this is an act of SELFISHNESS .... but i really can't let go! Its a stubborn thing but - really - it's the hardest thing to do .... with our situation - a friend of mine said - he don't see anything wrong with what am feelin' towards you & for what we have ryt now .... but he wants me to be STRONG to accept the 'would-be' consequences from you, from your family & my family .... for the 2nd blow will always be harder or probably not anymore for the second rush of pain and disappointment could easily numb of body. But i don't think so. For as long as you have 'feelings' & 'emotions' --- your heart & body will never get NUMB!!!

HaPPy 2nD MonThSaRy honey....

am missing you so much honey ..... i really can't afford to lose you ....

it's been so long since the last tym i update my journal ... t'was really my intention coz i really dont know what to write here ... i dont know what to say & where to start ....

honestly right now, my heart is BLEEDING! Bleeding for what am feelin'! wanted to explode ... the tears are juz wait waiting to fall down from my eyes .....

LOVE is PAIN. LIFE is PAIN, you can't protect anybody from it even your own self. It's always going to get you. But sometimes life could also be good. But you got to be open. You got to TAKE CHANCES. You gotta LET GO!  How do you know when how much is too much? Too much too soon. Too much information. Too much fun. Too much love. Too much to ask... And when is it all just too much to bear?

well ... sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing.

At the end of the day, despite all the hardship we encountered during the day, we always go back to that person because we could only draw our strength to move on for the next day in him.  Always hoping that when we wake up again, all we see is the new sunrise.

i knew this day would come,
With what is going on.
I hoped it wouldn't happen,
Since I long to hear you voice,
Feel your touch, and kiss your sweet lips.
Its only been a week but I miss those so dearly.
Sit and wait I do,

I'll wait for the day we don't have to hide.
The day we can go out and about,
Without the fear of being seen and caught.
I love you there for I shall wait.
I will wait as long as it takes,
I love you so dearly and care not to lose you.
Here I sit and wait longing for you.