14 March 2009 - everyone's a-twitter
I've added a twitter account. :)
If you have it, do add me..
http://twitter.com/laydeemadonna
Or if you don't, make one? it's actually a preeeetty good idea.
Umm, I'm exhausted. Uni has been HECTIC. I handed in a 2000 word essay yesterday. I had only started that day too.. haha. It was about body image and how the media influences it. bla bla.
Im so tired. :(
12 March 2009 - bla
I don't understand. There have been numerous boys hsowing interest in me. But not one of them appeals to me in the slightest. Why can't boys I actually like, like me back??? I figured it out, apparently we meet 6000 boys in our lifetime, a third are too old and a third are too young. SO, there are 2000 boys within my potential age group. Of those 2000, I may only be attracted to 30 of them,of that thirty, ONE has to like me back for it to go. DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKED THAT SOUNDS?!! Statistics aren't favourable. And the hope that one of them is Irish, I'm dreaming... hahaha..
What if I just never find anyone worth it?
I got 80% on my internet advertising essay which I started 5 hours before it was due. HAHA, thought it was the worst thing i had ever written... There's this really hectic chick in my class who has the most boganest accent ever. It's amazing, Lia and I laugh about it ALL THE TIME. Why was that important? Don't even know...
I'm going all out with the caps lock tonight.
Rudd's $42 million surplus got sent out today, i think I'm eligible. I don't see why so many people are crying about it.
I found out today that 55% of all content on tv must be australian. I don't understand that whole nationalistic pride thing. Personally it annoys me...
Rah this is the worst post ever, Im really tired.
I got out Wuthering Heights and Animal Farm from the uni library today, I decided I needed to become more educated. Haha self-education...
Wasn't even funny.
NIGHT TIME
10 March 2009 - Back!
It's been too long... I almost feel like I have too much to say and my brain is getting overwhelmed at where to start!
I haven't been writing due to the fact that I moved places and internet only just got installed... I was feeling really disconnected from the world so I'm relieved that it's back!
I've started a diet... The Tony Ferguson diet. It's my thrid week tomorrow and I go in for my third weigh in. Last weigh in I'd lost 2.5kg's to date so I'm naturally very excited. It's amazing how different I feel after a few kg's loss... My jeans feel better and I have more energy. It's amazing.
Ummm....Me and matt fizzled. It's sad. I don't even really want to talk about it right now... I see him maybe once every two weeks, he hangs out with his room mate all the time. I miss him so much, but at the same time I'm also annoyed at him for just letting it go. He's asked me if I want to go for beers on Saturday, I'm even considering not going.
Lia and I are better than ever, although she never ended up moving in with me I see her everyday and talk to her all the time, so it's great. My younger sister may be moving with me to this place, fingers crossed!! I should describe the house though... I get my own bathroom and bedroom and living area, even my own entrance! It's great and I'm enjoying it, my sister and her husband have their own side of the house identical to mine and only come around when they need help lifting boxes and the like. It's pretty sweet at the moment.
Diplomat and I have a hung out a few more times. Sometimes I look at him and think he MIGHT be attractive, but then that blows away with the wind and I just like talking to him. I really should like him but don't... I don't know.
Xman and I got into a massive fight because he had a party and didn't invite me yet invited one of my close friends, Centy. Centy and I have been friends for awhile, I met her at work and we became best friends.. She went to the party, which I figured to be very infaithful, especially since the whole time I was with Xman she hated him and never supported us. Blehhh, I have also gotten into a few compromising situations with xman.. No I didn'tn have sex with him but lets just say it wasnm't exactly G rated either. Sigh. I'm not even into him, I just hadn't gotten anything in a long while.
Which brings me here, Lia and I are scheming to crash other uni parties to find normal boys. For some reason they don't exist at my uni, which instead spouts boys who brag about the 0's on their dad's paycheck (NO ONE CARES).
Uni has been a bore... I got 2 distinctions and one credit for my last 3 photography assignments, the only subject i've been okay in.. I've been messing around too much in my other ones, not even a joke, I may fail them on purpose as to not mess with my GPA...
ALSO, (I feel out of breath, haha), I was thinking of getting twitter... Anyone on here on it?? I don't know if I'd have any followers...Fuck, I doubt any followers on here even.
I'll write some more later... I'm sitting in a very uncomfortable position and need to strecth.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
3 February 2009 - Handling it. Maybe.
I have been way too slack with uni. Way, way too slack. I handed in my photography assignment (my first one, I am very nervous) and I don't think I tried hard enough.
Ive hung with matt twice already. Both times he has asked me over... It's the same but not. The same being that we act the same, but towrds the end of the night he ends it with an "okay ill take you home now" or a "you can sleep on the couch". Which I fully don't mind but it makes it awkward. Pretty sure that tonight when he mentioned the couch I answered with "no i can walk" a little too quickly and with a high tone. Which would have been funny otherwise. I don't think I will ever get the same chance ever again. Ha ha ha, chance. I have no chance. I'm stupid and need to stop liking him, now. It's insane. He doesn't want me. Emotions suck balls...
I'm getting lunch with bandsie tomorrow which will be interesting.haha.. We will see how it goes...
Xman is leaving my uni because he failed all subjects last semester so he wants to transfer... I'll see how it goes then.
The biggest news for last, I am moving back homw with my older sister. She has gotten a house thing and yeah, it will be cheaper for me. I dont know if it will be better, but we will find that out too. sigh. I'm very worried that I will hate it! Lia has been offered a bedroom so she will need to decide if she would like to come too...
You know what annoys me? When people say "would of" instead of "would have". It annoys the shit out of me. Yes you say would've but never ever do you write would of.
Lady madonna, children at your feet.
Wondering how you managed to make ends meet.
Goodnightt
31 January 2009 - Youre like an indian summer in the middle of winter
Sigh. I'm a wreck. I went to 2 classes all week and didn't hand in one of my assignments. I don't even understand why I've let myself get this far. I want to see him again. Fuck. I want to know he isn't lost, that all isn't lost, that I still mean something to him. That I am still his friend. I don't know what to do as I refuse to contact him first, but I doubt he will do first.
Maybe I should just be with diplomat, he is actually a very decent guy. he wouldn't fuck me over. I was with him the other night and he's actually pretty cool. Not my type (ha. all of a sudden I have a type) but very nice. Sure, he isn't who I want and maybe he isn't matt at all. But, "comparisons are easily done once you've had a taste of perfection". Sigh. Nice is boring, Lia said to me. But who said boring was bad... boring is reliable, boring is loyal, boring is trouble free... I'd be doing a good dead?
Lia and I finally finished Gossip Girl, season 1. We are very very excited for season 2. haha, we have truly gotten hooked onto it. Personally I was attatched to dan from the start, but he got very annoying and self riteous. And surprisingly Chuck got very hot.haha..
I have work tomorrow, another 5 hours of standing and pretending to be interested in the daily chatter of customers. I had one lady argue the total on the screen saying the computer was wrong. sigh. (whoa what is that, sigh number 3??). After is my older sisters birthday party for friends. I am sooo broke, so I may have to ask lia for that money she owes me. PLUS, I still need to pay my car insurance, I got a text from them yesterday about how mine has expired, useful but maybe a little creepy? haha..
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
Nighty night...
29 January 2009 - I was damned by light coming over
I may not have lost him after all. He sent me a text saying sorry and that the ball was in my court (which it most obviously was not). But I gave him a call and he is sorry for what he's done. Sorry that he made me look bad and sorry that he thought of me like that. He said he hopes that I will forgive him and will probably be saying sorry for awhile. I was surprised and shocked, I thought him and I would no longer be able to be friends. He said that after she leaves, which is tonight, we could hang again. Nevertheless, she absolutely hates me and sent me a nasty text. But I decided not to reply to her. I don't really care what she has to say to me, quite frankly. nless it disrupts my relationship with him, I won't reply. So we will see how that goes...
On a much much lighter note. I hung with some old school friends last night. One of my old best friends, Felix and (unfortunately) diplomat. I spoke to diplomat, I told him that we can only be strictly friends. As much as he may hate that, but it's all we can be. I think I did a good deed by doing that, Im not so sure ignoring the poor guy did much help. We went and saw yes man. Which was pretty good. But whoa, how old is jimmy getting... I like how being optimistic leads to optimistic things. Maybe that's how I should start looking at life.
"I will wrap you in my arms and keep you safe"
:( I've listened to "Let me sign" on repeat for the past 2 days straight.
Uni is going fantastic. I'm thinking of getting a second job. Or leaving my first job. It's tedious and tiring and yeah, I'm fully over it. But apparently it's hard to get jobs at the moment. How depressing is that, especially since I'm leaving uni in 1 year.
Today is my older sister's 30th birthday. I got her a gift voucher and a cake tester, a thing to stick into your cake to see if it's ready. It was cute and just had to get it.haha.. We are going to sukiyaki which I love. I love how they charge extra for lettig you cook your own food. It's such a fantastic idea and we have been sucked in so hard it's funny.
Lia got her taken dude last night. She handles it :(
28 January 2009 - yeah
I know, I know, I REALISE that I may have said that he has a gf and I don't care and want him (in or not in his bed), but SERIOUSLY, I was never actually going to make a move. I don't make moves on single guys, let alone taken guys. I wasn't really ever going to try and compromise the relationship I already have with him.
I totally got jinxed, hey. By saying those thingss
Haha it might actually be funny. But not really. :(
28 January 2009 - Oh wow
The worst thing that could happen actually happened.
Matt totally kooked it and dogged me hard core. Last night Lia and I were on facebook talking shit. Lia likes this dude who has a girlfriend and I was paying her out about it (being fully hypocritical). I mentioned how dishonest she was and how wrong it all was because he was taken. She forwarded it to me with the name of some psychologist dude (referencing my quote. haha) and proceeded to burn me about xman and his crying episode earlier on. Today was just any old normal day until I get three texts, one from Matt, one from xmas and one from matt's gf. Fuck.
I read the one from xman first, asking me to ring him because we need to talk. The next was from matt saying he had just had to convince his gf he wasn't sleeping with me and I know what he's talking about and bla bla bla. The one from the gf was about how next time I should sleep on the couch and not in matts bed (haha.ouch).
So to cut the story short, matt read the thing Lia had written to me, assumed it was about him and spoke to xman about it (yeah, wtf. for 1. xman is my ex. and he hates him too). Then he went home, told his gf about it AND about me staying over that night.
I rang him after he texted me and when he went all "what the fucks up with facebook" I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He had literally shot himself in the foot. Both feet. Dogged me in the process and made himself look fucking stupid. I absolutely am so off him nd angry at him. It's unbelieveable. He hadn't needed to say anything. So much for being all self riteous.
I may never see him again. She will totally not let him see me ever again and I have lost one of bestest friends.
AAAARRGHHH. This is what I get for being mean to diplomat. :(
To make matters worse I can't even think properly let alone write properly.
Nah fuck this.
26 January 2009 - Mirage
It may seem like my life revolves around boys. In truth, my life otherwise is very boring. University has only reached the end of the first week and the most exciting thing that happened was me missing 1 class and the second hand booksale. Lia and I spend our days watching fake movies from bali, attentively imerse ourselves into the lives of those on gossip girl and talkabout the dudes we like who happen to be in a relationships. I am so off matt that I dont even want to write about him but hey, since it is the only issue that holds any interest to it, here I go.
Last night I went over to his and bandsie came over with some pot. Ive done pot maybe twice before and it has never really done anything for me, but last night, I was thinking some weird stuff. I felt like I could see everything suddenly. Matt was annoying and highly unnatractive, bandsie was a liar and very rude, roomie (who is matts roomate) was like some highly intelligent dude and tony (the dude bandsie brought) was some silent guy who was like having secret facial convos with bandsie. It was weird, and I freaked out because all of a sudden I was no longer attracted to matt. At all. His voice annoyed me so bad and I hated it. So I wanted to leave full time. I ended up walking home and woke up really late. But I dont understand. Surely it wasnt the pot? Like I was awake, like its not like when I get drunk, I could see myself. But my brain was thinking some weird shit. Am I really no longer attracted to him?? I haven't seen him today and although I tried to get him to have lunch with me, he declined. I'm freaking out so much it's scary. What on earth happened???
Then I found out that his gf is coming up to visit him for 4 days, which means I won't see him for those four days. Which is also annoying me. To make matters worse, she came online and suddenly started talking to me and told me that she is coming up again for his birthday next month, as a surprise. Yay. Don't know why she felt the need to tell me beacuse if I could I would book out all flights that week. hahaa.
Uhh, I need to stop liking him. But I can't. At least I think I can't unless I actually have stopped liking him.
I told Diplomat to get lost the other day. Which wasnt pretty. I went to a party and turned down his offer of coming with me, but he showed up anyway. SO I told him I was over it and I didnt want to talk to him. Now, Tony (bandsies mate), as it turns out, is actually friends with Diplomat too. So when he was over at Matts, he told me that the night I told Diplomat to leave me alone, Tony drove him all the way to where I live, came onto my floor somehow and banged on my door for me to come out and see Diplomat who was crying. Unfortunately I was at matts... But small world hey?
Sigh. My mopther may be coming to visit us (being the family here) next month. So I am actually very stoked and excited about that. I miss her so much at times, it's strange because we don't get along 100%. But she's still my mother and I love her to bits.
Anyway.
24 January 2009 - hmm?
I have had a very different night at Matt's place. It's so different I'm even having trouble remembering it because I feel like I have maybe made it up. So writing it down will be awkward, for my brain, kinda. No, we didn't have sex, or even kiss for that matter.
Lia knowing how I feel about him let me get dinner with him last night. Dinner and 2 movies at his place. And a few beers, I think I had 7 before I don't remember much. Matt drove me there so obviously couldn't drive me home, as I found out in the late hours of the night when he woke me up on his couch asking me if I wanted the bed. YES! - my mind screamed and yeah.. - is what came out. I practically collapsed onto his bed with him also drunk next to me and we spoke about the ending of the movie and how much I'd had to drink and which pillow I was getting, before he asked me to come over. So I did..
At first It was plain hugging, him on his back me on my side cuddling into him. But then he turned me over and put his arms around me, oh my god, getting spooned by him is amazing. I'm pretty sure I started to talk a whole heap of crap. From "please don't leave for sydney" to "didn't you miss me at all over the holidays" to "i like your hair long" and "i like how you feel" (uhhhh). We drifted in and out of sleep a lot, I was starting to wake up and I think this kept him awake but he didn't really complain.
There came a point where I started to stroke his arm that was around me and play with his fingers. At first i think he just took it as it came but then he took his arm away and started to run his hands up and down me. Now I was pretty stuck, I was half drunk still, tired and surprised so I didnt do much as he ran his hands up and down my back, my sides, my legs and even the inside of my shirt over my tummy. His fingertips barely touched me and even thinking about it now gives me the goosebumps. It was electrifying, I almost told him to stop it was that intense on my skin. The most I did, horrifyingly, was turn over and look at him as he continued to touch my tummy. And once reach out with my fingertips to touch his.
And that was the night. He stopped and cuddled me more and I woke up pracically moulded into him. Then his room got uncomfortably hot and we drifted apart. That was it, I had my one chance to try and make a move and instead I throw it away. What was I thinking? Seriously, I think I thought he was being plain friendly but I remember how his breathing got really ragged and his hate rate got faster, so why didn't I move in?? This morning wasn't weird but we didn't talk as much. I let out a "uh I feel gross" in the car and he sharply answered with a why. But I felt really hungover.
I wonder now if he thinks I wasn't interested, if he regrets what he did, if he hadn't meant anything by it and, most importantly, if it will ever happen again. Knowing my luck, no. but I am going to do what it takes for he to be in his bed with him again.
The smell of him and the feeling of being so close to him. The way I could play with his hair and it wasnt weird, how he suddenly wakes me up with a "hey" and "i think you should come back here" and how his hands were on me. I need it all. he is amazing. damnit, I hope it wasn't just alcohol that influenced last night. If it was, hey, give me some more. haha
Yeah i know he has a girlfriend, I don't really give a fuck.
22 January 2009 - Thursday Morning
Lia: I'm just going to put it out there... Have you been hooking up with Matt for the past 9 months??
So this started the wonderful conversation that ended with her finding out I like Matt. At first she didn't understand why him and I have been meeting up late at night for the past 9 months and why I was reacting so strangely to the conversation. But then she worked it out, she is a fairly smart girl, it wouldn't have been too hard. But she feels completely betrayed that I hadn't told her. "You havn't been giving me 100%". She still knows me more than anyone else but I do see where she is coming from. Oh dearr. I feel slightly relieved which is strange. Perhaps it is just the thing I needed, give me more flexibility for when I can see him since she knows.
Bandsie knows how to count cards and he is going to teach both Lia and I. The movie 21 has gotten us very addicted to blackjack (enough that I blew 250 at the casino the other night playing it. Oh, I know). And he happened to be our dealer that night. I think he is going to try for Lia.hahaha. Good luck?
I have class today and after I'm thinking of going to the chemist to buy tony's slimming stuff. I reeeaaaally want to lose some weight... Yes, I am your typical girl who worries that she is too fat. Sue me for living in this world.
21 January 2009 - bleauhhhhh
Lia and I have not spoken about the incident which was at first awkard but now seems alright. I just expect her any moment to ask me about it. I almost said something to her last night. I drank a bottle of baileys and almost had the courage but didnt. I just sat on the floor infront of her door tapping it with my fingertips and gave her some strepsils and went to bed.hahaha. :(
But she is in my room now and yeah. I spent the whole day yesterday sitting in my car at the beach with my windows down and my ipod on with the twilight soundtrack (yes I am addicted). So I missed class and avoided her all day.
I realised today that i am glad I never did journalism at uni. I have to do a journalism subject this semester for my media major and the people in it are all journalismers and are all very intimidating. They are very opinionated and are not afraid to argue, whereas I avoid all conflict I can (look above if you think I'm lying). The subject itself is very interesting, my tutor is also my photography tutor and very wispy and soft spoken, she's nice enough I guess.
Lia and I are going to go out for dinner now so I'll come back on later with other goss. hahaha
My life is so boring.
20 January 2009 - I don't like pickles
And I have gotten myself into one very nicely.
As you know matt asked me to go to his place for a movie, and since Lia was out with her friend i decided to go. We watched 2 sci-fi movies (what is it with boys and sci-fi I don't know) and I fell asleep during the second one. When I woke up it was 230am and he was going to take me home... I had 9 missed calls from Lia and a text asking me where i was. Now, xman and Lia constantly told me last semester that my friendship with matt was not normal, that we were too close and every time I would hang out with him Lia would heckle me about it. So i decided not to tell her where I was. Especially since she had obviously rang xman about my absence since I had missed calls from him too... :( When I got home I snuck into my unit and tried to go to sleep. She started throwing things across her balcony onto mine.
One of the reasons I have loved moving out is the freedom I have gotten from my very strict mother and older sister. I had limits to the ammount of hours I could use my phone, the internet, i had a bedtime at 18 and wasnt allowed to go to boys houses. So imagine my anger when I had my best friend lecturing me on how late it was and where I was. Lia called xman, diplomat, her mother, everyone. Now, Lia is a very outgoing girl and there have been numerous times I have walked into her room to find her gone. We are both 20 and I never expect her to report to me her wearabouts. For her to expect me to is absurd and very annoying. I know that if she is not home she is out and will make it back fine.
So I walk into her room and make up this sob story about how my sister came and picked me up. She texts me later saying matt rang her and said he'd dropped me home. Nice. So now I have that explaining to do. Don't think I'll tell her I kinda like him. Uh, I hate awkward times when you've been caught lying. But I dont care, she is not my mother and yes, she cares about me, but I feel like she doesnt give me enough credit for surviving in this world this long. Damnit I have class with her tomorrow. I dont know if I will go :(
It's 421am and I have had no sleep and I have to wake up in 4 hours. I am so tired. ANd annoyed. And irritated. And uncomfortable.
I am not over reacting am I? I don't need her heckling me about my doings at night just as I don't heckle her about hers.
19 January 2009 - derrm
Pronounced like damn but not like damn.
So matt just texted me inviting me over to his place for a scary movie. Which would be fine if he hadn't invited Lia over too. He has never done that before :(
I think I need tips on "how to stop liking a boy and thinking about them and wanting them very much".
19 January 2009 - oh the first day
So photography was very intense and frightening. Not only did everyone claim their cameras and their already gained knowledge on the subject of photography, but the lecturer put up a bunch of photographs taken by past students that were breathtaking. One past student hired a baby and a dark-skinned woman to be in her shot. Very intimidating. Made me wish I had listened to Dad all those years. You'd think I'd realise that I could be getting some good out of lugging his tripod around for him.
I forgot how much I despise a lot of the people at my uni... Everyone is so materialistic it's hilarious. I wonder sometimes why I am here, it is not as if I fit in or anything. Oh, and who knew you could do an actual bachelor's degree in photography? Weird.
Diplomat rang me a couple of times today and wrote me a text: "I'm watching the SBS news, what are you doing". Okay, not only did he text me to tell me he was watching the news, but he texted me to tell me he was watching SBS news. Uhh.
Lia has gone for a semi date with her friend, flurohatman. He wears a lot of fluro coloured hats... So I am at home, feeling very sick. I knew my lack of sicknessity in Bali was strange. Especially since everyone else in my family was sick. Dearrrr me, it seems I may be out for the rest of the summer.
And I will not mention "you know who" because I am trying to stop thinking about him and so not writing about him will keep me focussed into not focussing about him. Oh damn, he is so amazing. Arh. But yes, that's all I will say. There's nothing to say anyway though...Havn't heard from him today :'( Not that I really care anyway.
18 January 2009 - I'm back!
My holiday was amazing, thank you, and I had the time of my life. I spent most of my time hanging with my little sister and laughing a whole lot. Seriously, my first few days I practically lived with hiccups. It was amazing. Rejuvinating. Enlightening. Eveything. But now I am back and all moved into my place again and ready to start university tomorrow. Semester 4 here we come.. I decided to go with that photography course. Dad was stoked when I told him and he actually went out and bought me a camera. A Canon 400D. It's beautiful and probably one of my favourite things in the whole world. I havew suddenly seen everything is beautiful and have started taking shots. Maybe one day I'll put them up.
Living with Lia is good. Living with, because although she lives nextdoor, she is always over. Which is great but may annoy me in the future. I love her to absolute death and would do anything for her, but I'm a bit of a home bum and enjoy space.haha.
When I got back I spoke to nextdoor (who is now to be known as "xman". haha, it was funny to me) and told him that him and I are totally out the window. I said that "I still love you a lot" and he replied with "I'll love you forever". He cried and since then has been calling me every day convincing me I've made a mistake. Last I checked, breaking up with cheating, abusive boyfriends is never a mistake.
Mr. Diplomat gave it a shot 2 nights ago. I was drunk and rang him from the casino asking for a lift home (tip: when drunk never call boys who you arent interested in but are interested in you). He bought me maccas, gave me more alcohol and took me to our highschool field. It was like 12am and if I didnt have my coggles on (Casino goggles), I would have never condoned to any of it. As it was, I was there with him drinking beer. He was getting very agitated and kept brushing his hand on mine so I came up with the brilliant plan of "spoke to xman yesterday". He replied with a very shocked "oh" and I said ,"Yeah, told him I didnt want to be in a relationship with anyone". Bingo. Stopped him right there. Well not really because he did a whole "but ive been alone for a whole year" and "but I thought I had a chance" and "but not all boys are like him" and (wait for this, this is the most magical bit) "does this mean we can't make out?". Uhh, at least it gave me a way to say no. Then I said I needed to pee and walking back he held my hand, which was annoying because he doesn't do a very good job. His hand is all clammy and awkward and just doesn't cradle my hand very well. And he didnt get it when I kept pulling it out of his grasp. Anyway, we came back to mine and he came in and sat around with me for a bit before leaving with a nice hug from me. I think I handled it pretty well. True, he couldve killed me on the field or something but hey. It's kinda over now.
Mr. Band (who now works at the Casino) has been ringing me wanting to catch up and upstairs (now known as Matt, because 5-minutes-away is too hard to type) doesn't understand why. Speaking of which, I hung out with matt last night and oh my god. The time I've spent apart from him may have just made me like him even more. Like I never really noticed that he sometimes does this little crooked smile, which I literally have to look away from because it is that amazing. And when he finds something unexpectedly funny, his face lights up and his eyes crinkle slightly and his face, which was previously attentive, suddenly has this smile that makes me smile back to, it is that addictive. I never noticed how cute his laugh actually was, how it actually makes me want to be a stand up comedian so I can keep seeing it and hearing it. When he isnt smiling, when he just looks over at me, I feel like I could just give up everything I have for him to keep looking at me. Even for him to just keep looking at me.
Okay then, that's all I have for the time being.
12 December 2008 - freedom, beauty, truth and love
Ahhh.... First year of uni done! Only 3 more semesters to go!
Had my last exam this morning after 2 days of frantic cramming. Unnecessary frantic cramming because it turned out that the exam had none of that theory in it. Which was alright because I wouldn't have remembered half of it anyway. How does it feel to be released? Amazing. Although now the packing up of the room begins as I move out over the holidays. I've folded some clothes and they are all on the floor. Have not had a very productive night...
I have to say I am slightly sad to be leaving... I will miss out on a very western christmas.. I will miss my best friend Lia and my older sister so much... Also, I will not see upstairs (who has officially turned into 5 minutes away) for awhile and have a feeling next semester will be different for us...And I'm not so sure if I'm happy with it at all. Next door may be changing unis too, so I may not see him ever again (which actually kinda devastates me).. :(:(:( But I do get to hang with my younger sister for a bit, I haven't seen her in so long...
Mr Diplomat rang me earlier to ask me if I wanted to go to the casino with him... Then he rang again to say he was outside... And then rang another time to see if I wanted to dinner it when I got back from overseas. I already told him I wasn't interested so Im not really sure what he is on. Maybe alcohol.
Maybe he is what I need to get over upstairs-five-minutes-away-er. Just for funsies. Or maybe it is a bad idea.... He isn't very attractive and talks about politics a lot.. He would be terrible in bed..
Anyway, I should probably get to sleep, I need to wake up early tomorrow and resume packing :(
Oh I hate change and facilitating it.
9 December 2008 - waiting for my laundry
Sometimes I wonder about the lives I have touched. If anyone has suffered or rejoiced from one of my actions or decisions in life. If I have ever done anything to somehow even killed someone, I wonder how many people I have killed. I wonder if, when I die, how many people will truly mourn me and what will they remember and miss. I wonder if I have given anyone true joy and if I will be remembered as a certain kind of person. I wonder if I will be forgotten and talked about.I wonder who will miss me. There are so many people who have touched my life in someway and I am certain half of them dont even know it. It's weird, this life. So much happens and takes place we all don't even know it.
9 December 2008 - nose
I am definitely getting a cold... :( and 4 days before I leave too... I don't know how I am going to survive the flight at all. I find with my flights, I never get to sit next to anyone interesting. I always sit next to really annoying people, hopefully I get an aisle seat though. Window seats freak me out. I was given the option of choosing my seats when I booked the flight. I found it creepy and almost sickening. I wanted no way to be able to choose my fate. I hate flights... It's not even the flying bit, I just hate flights over seas. Like the literal bit, over the ocean. I always feel like I have a higher chance of dieing when over the ocean. Which is stupid I know, but I am terrified of the sea. Tried snorkeling once...Te boat drifted out a little and I couldnt see the bottom, oh I thought I wasn't going to make it. Ever since I was little too... Weird.
I never told work I was leaving. Probs got fired.
The new song by lady gaga, poker face, is amazing.
9 December 2008 - ohyeah
The holiday will do me good. I failed my last group assignment by .45. That is not even half a mark.
So generally I am not really happy. Upstairs has been getting on my nerves due mainly to the fact that I can't have him. So he is annoying and I can't stand him. I fucking want him to just put his arms around me and deal with it, but he fucking had to be taken and I am not having any of that. Not at the moment anyway.
Nextdoor got slightly drunk tonight and seems to have an idea in his head that he and I are getting up to something before I leave on my trip. No thanks.
I know I am being unreasonable, but I am tired and getting sick and cranky. I slept 10hours last night, had an hour nap during the day and am still tired as fuck. My nose is making me sound like a 12 year old boy.
This holiday will do me good.
Oh, I should probably choose another subject. Was thinking of doing a photography one. Sounds interesting.
Okay nah Im way too tired.
