After much neglect, I finally went to see my PCP Wednesday evening 8:10pm appt. I went into work early, traded shifts, and spent a little time with the birthday boy. He's 31 now. Old man. *laughs* Unfortunately did not do anything special for his birthday, I had an appointment. After being gone for work all day, he still had the kids, and they were awake when I returned 2 hours later. Praise to the 24hr CVS.

Anyway, cried a little. Dr yelled. no not really, he's such a soft spoken guy he could never be mean or cross (well, that I've seen personally). He more liked, scolded me and showed concern, and that made me cry and feel demeaned. I know better than to go without my High Blood Pressure meds, but I've been so maxed on other areas I have been neglecting myself. My health, but I can't be there for my children if I neglect myself. Heaven forbid something happen to the breadwinner, not that they wouldn't miss me for me.

Anyway, a bit dizzy today, day 2 on my new meds. Lotrel for the HBP. Effexor for the depression/anxiety. Yeah, I went off my Zoloft too. I was doing so well, or so I thought. Honestly I'd just lost the interest in everything. Obviously neglect.

We'll see how that turns out. I've been just feeling a bit sick to my stomach and lightheaded. I hope that passes. I don't like to feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I shouldn't have gone off my meds. Just so much going on, I thought I could juggle it all without feeling the rip. Now I can stop a minute and realize what I thought was better was not. I was fooling myself. I let myself go. In several ways. I just stopped. Or rather, neglected.

I, *sigh,* am just tired. I was so scared and out of my mind a while ago I bought an accident/injury policy for the entire family that I cancelled a week and a half later when my mental stability returned briefly. I actually did something good though and lowerd my car insurance in half. That I'm keeping. Let a few other hundred things slide, but I'm trying not to sweat the small stuff.