We heard through the GrapeVine that MommyDearest was in town this weekend for a day trip to NY with her friend.  She did not bother to call me, or to stop by to visit her granddaughter.  I always knew I wasn't her favorite child, but why should my child have to suffer for her inconsideration?  I've lost 2 children, and she pretends to care.  I have a child that actually survived birth and is (thank goodness) in good health, and she doesn't bother to visit her every opportunity she has.

Her priorities are not the same as mine.  We value different things.  She's glad to not have the responsibility.  I value family and wouldn't dream of not visiting my daughter if the situations were reversed.  Esspecially knowing that this time of year is terrible for me.  Having lost both of my children (Xavier and Abby) in the month of November.  She didn't even bother to spend Thanksgiving dinner with us.  Christmas is always difficult, and now Grandpa is gone and he's been a pivitol figure in my life for as long as I can remember.

I don't want my daughter to ever feel second rate.  I want her to know that she is my #1 priority.  I want her to feel like my life revolves around her even if it doesn't.  I want her to appreciate me, and know that even though I may seem like I'm a bit 'smothering' that it is all because I love her so much.

So I have a new mantra to live by...

"I will never be her," I tell myself.