I am past the shock. Ok, so it took me about 3 wks to get this far... but I am finally here. Needless to say, this process is taking some time. Many reasons to point at with the house situation (Just trying to get into the Short Sale Program is hard enough! And its been >1.5mo trying, still not approved)... The Flood, The Breakup, The Move, The Life-After....

This is where I am right now, the Life After. Where do I begin?

It is all finally catching up with me. Brokenness set aside, yes, I cried again today. Cried for the first time in a week. Today was definitely a bad day. I blame it on the fact that I'm still fighting my sickness. I have been sick since I came back from NY. I haven't taken my meds since before the flood... and I'm completely wrecked. I should never be off my Effexor, but I have no insurance. I guess this is what I get for trying to make changes.

I haven't felt this way in a very very long time. Longer than my last mental breakdown. Cutting point. But, I am progressing. Shock is wearing away and I'm struggling to focus, but even in my haze I want to wallow away. I will not. 

We were talking today about visitation, when he'll be taking the girls end of the month. Right after Kara's 4th birthday. The 22nd I'm suppose to meet him in VA. We debated how long he was taking them, as there will be complications during the next two holidays due to her school schedule. He chose to taken them until Nov 5th. Nov 4th is Abby's birthday.

It'll be a long Nov. I feel pain so deep right now there's no end. I fear that even if I had chose to bleed it, there would no longer be blood to bleed. Dry, empty, alone. Cavernous of wasted emotion. *sigh*

Strange, but old James Bond flicks have been my sustenance. 

I'll get through this wk. Lil Sis is visiting Fri during her vaca...

I'll room with the children then and they'll have a blast. They are actually sleeping in their own beds. They are actually adjusting better than I am. They look at me some moments, see the tears in my eyes as I watch them, and hug me. Tell me its okay to be sad, they miss Daddy too. They are so strong when sometimes I have trouble. They inspire me. I should inspire them. I will make it. I will make it because they deserve a happy life. They deserve every bit of opportunity I can provide to them. Every bit of positive to lift them up to their dreams and reach their potential.

There will be life after.

They are my life after.