An old classmate posted something wonderful on Facebook today... The quote is as follows:

"The reason she finds it so hard to let go of something that makes her sad... is because its the only thing that once used to keep her happy..."

This really spoke to me today. In ways that I could not have verbalized because my pain is to personal. It would be great if I could just turn it off. Turn it off like I had so many other things in the past. I finally let myself fall in love, and I get this. *shakes her head* 

*Deep breathe* On another note, I opted not to go out driving today. I had enough issues with the panic attack yesterday, and with his status update I did not trust myself. I'll be honest. I seriously thought I was doing so well. And then he breaks me. Every step I make forward, one move from him and I feel defeated. This separation is completely demoralizing. 

I cannot let him control my life like this. I cannot let him win. I love him, yes. But I deserve to be happy. In this moment, he is not making me happy. He cannot control my life when he wants to be separated. Why am I letting him control me from 600 miles away? Why am I letting his actions affect the choices I make in my life? I love him, yes. But I will let myself let go.