I don't feel like recapping the day. I suppose my headache is over ruling my body at this point. I say headache, but its my eyes. Yes... those wonderous things that allow me sight are again aching into the base of my cranium. Not just one, both. Hoping I can sustain before I have another flare-up. Hoping the auto-immune doesn't rear its ugly head again... Waiting for insurance, again. This time, I guess I'll finish the lupus testing. I have nothing else to lose.

I have a temp job. Wed 1-5pm, Thurs-Sat 7am-9:30pm at $15/hr. I get free food, and paid parking... but ugh, the long hours. I need the money. Bills to pay. I want to go up to NY 10/22 if I'm not on another assignment. Visit some friends. Jim'll have the girls until Nov 5th. Its gonna be hard on me. I'll probably cry every day and want to call every 15 minutes... but I have to be strong. I don't have the security I felt when I was in Australia. My family is broken. 

I will handle it like I handle everything else right now. Thank goodness for good friends. So the 22nd made plans w/ Terra to celebrate her 30th birthday, and hopefully Manuel's stay in the states. Plan on crashing at her place b/c will be out drinking a ton. Maya can't come-husband said no, but Dan plans on it. Should be a good time. 

Hoping to get a part time job vs a full time job. sure the money would be better full time, but i'd lose the other benefits. is it my decline? moral decline? i don't see it that way. if i was given $100,000 would it change who i was? my severance package from Verizon didn't change me. And that was 1/3 of that. Its all gone, mind you... but so isn't the complications. Still complicated w/ the house though. Still complicated with Jim though.

God, why did I bring him up? There's that feeling again in the pit of my stomach. "Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead" (Adele, 2010).