Today I woke up with a feeling of acceptance. For the first time in over a month I felt happy. Well... yeah. I can say that. I realized today that I will be okay. I no longer need to feel depressed about what is happening and what has happened. I can accept the events as they are and move on. 

I don't know for sure what's going on with my temp job and apparently neither does the staffing agency. lol. I will find out at the latest at 1pm. Apparently they will call me after 10am and tell me what the plan is, which will likely entail going to the Convention Center and figuring things out from there. *shrugs*

9:00am I have to go to Target for an interview, that Megan tried to reschedule-but couldn't because I cannot come in any other time! She forgot about a meeting they have, but she told me to come in anyway. lol. Okay. Things just didn't seem to add up today... but I was able to handle the ups and downs! Hooray.

I think this is a sign of a positive future. I even managed to go to the mall without a panic attack. I went to Macy's makeup counter... and can I tell you, I haven't worn makeup in 10+ years... this was quite an experience! All for a tattoo cover up I may not need after all. Hahah, but what an experience!

They did not have what I needed, so I called Trade Secret on my way out. They recommended a store call Ulta which was amazing. The specialist tried on different types of foundation and concealers, different shades... and ha, that was difficult! I don't know how people do this all the time. How do they do it for a living?! It was quite an experience, and $78 later I got outta there, and that was cheap compared to everything else. Its Dermablend, and I'll need like 4 coats, but it does work.

Not something I'm looking forward to when my kids get old enough. I'll have to bring them to a makeup specialist to do it for them. It was a nice treat today though. And I needed a treat! Apparently I have 'suntan' skin tone. LMAO, depends on the brand, of course. And my skin color is more golden than pink. Seriously though, with how mixed the American population is... I didn't think finding a foundation would have been so hard.

I understand things better today. I understand that Jim can't be alone. And I'm okay with that. I am also okay with the fact that I am becoming a better person. I also don't have to feel broken. And I am okay with that! I felt bad for not feeling bad, and then I realized that I am over it. He hasn't given me any of the money he was suppose to, and well... it hurts him. It will hurt the children more when they can't see their Dad... or when he stops calling, but they will always have me. I am making changes in my life for me. I am being better for me.

I have have a GREAT day! And I deserve it. Thanks to Sis for checking in on me. I appreciate it. *smiles* 

Is this what Acceptance feels like? If so, I can do this! I have so much to offer in this world and I won't let these changes stand in my way. I am amazing. I am wonderful. And I deserve to be happy. And I don't feel guilty. 

Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and then Karma comes around to straighten things out. Things happen for a reason. Jim helped me through a portion of my life journey and now our paths separate. He will go his way, and I mine. And I am okay with that. No tears. No reservations. Just acceptance. A calming peace. A calming knowledge.

If he asked me today if he could come down... my answer would be No.