What you do with your life is your own problem. I hate to hear about the troubled times, but its honestly no longer my concern. I care, I do. Its not that I will ever stop caring, it is that it is no longer my priority. You don't know what you had or what you left behind. Don't concern yourself with this, just keep your end of the bargain. If that is too much to ask, then maybe you have bigger problems than you realize. 

Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side. Sometimes a way to look at it is that it is just grass. You still have to mow it, maintain it, water it... but its still grass. Everything takes effort and you get what you give.

I no longer have an open door policy. I no longer have that open heart to you. I can still feel pain, but I no longer let it control me. 

I can plan for the future. I can accept advances from other men. I can lift my chin and start to open my eyes.

I know there will be rainy days. I know there will be days so bright my eyes will burn. I know that, and accept that. I find more respect and love in the friendships I choose to cultivate. I find more fun in the moments of laughter. I find more peace in the simplicity. I find more appreciation for my situation. 

I know some day there will be someone that will accept me for who I am. That will love me and my children like their own. I know that what I thought was a dire circumstance is a chance for improvement. Not a new beginning, because beginnings entail a concrete end. I understand that I will have to maintain civil contact and as much as I'd like a friendship, I understand that I cannot be that friend to you. Not right now. 

This is a silent soliloquy.