First off, training the first day was rough. My brain skipped a few words while reading to the class on the microphone. Embarrassing, but survivable. Day 2 was better. Feeling the crunch now, as with any new job there is some nervousness. Only a few more days until I hit the phones. Hit the phones running! Hoping I can manage my stress good enough to do my job. Its emotional, and I'm emotional. Hard to keep distant even if it is just data. Keeping my head in the game.

Think I will like aspects of what I am doing. Think I will dislike some aspects. But that comes with every job. 

He's out looking for jobs. Finished work on his resume, approvable, and sent a copy to my recruiter at GRI. Who knows what will happen now.

We are communicating better, in general. He's taking a lot of the parenting role again, which is helpful with work and school. I still admit my doubts, my insecurity, and I understand I will continue to have the doubt for a while. Its not a switch I can just turn off. Not after years of betrayal. 

Apparently, like most things, hadn't even realized he had a 'song' for me. That was interesting. Or maybe that was another part I blocked out because there were things I blocked out to manage the pain I had felt. Even good things that went with the bad so I could detach myself from feeling for a while. 

I love him. Trying to trust him. Trying to open myself up to him as he has been doing with me. How do I know he is honest? I don't. Does it kill me that I can't see inside his head, monitor him 24/7, and trust him not to lie to me again? Yes. But I forgave, and I know I will never forget. He seems to have a better respect for me, although part of me wonders if it is all an act. Its the part of me that doesn't believe him. Its the part of me that feels he's just using me. Its a small part of me that sees what happened happening again. I don't regret my choices. I hoped he would see the err in his ways and He has said his apologies. 

I'm scared if I trust him too soon he won't change. Scared that if I smother him, it'll chase him. I like the honesty. I like the open dialogue. But I also know we all have limits. I am realistic. I AM TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE! There is no going back. Its all or nothing baby. All or nothing.