It is now 5/11/07, been out of work since midday 5/1/07, no money coming in because of disability waiting period, and now I'm even more in the whole than I initially thought.  Had to borrow money from Sis to help with rent until I can get my disability, and then today I find that a check a friend wrote me bounced leaving me with several overdraft fees because of the mishap. The check was from the end of April and it just reversed from my account yesterday. Great. Not really, It was money that was owed, and was a month behind, and now I have overdraft fees to boot.

Ugh, let me count the ways I feel I've been screwed up the butt sideways lately. How do I bring up to my friend now that I need the overdraft fees paid, plus what she still owes me for April, and May's portion of rent/utilities from her next check. She's having finacial issues too, but it comes down to this:  if I don't get the money, we'll have no electric or place to live. Then I'm left feeling like a - <drops off>

I can't find the words anymore. Can barely find the hope. I need to return to work, I need the money. I hate this, but I tried to make the better choice when I was having pre-term labor symtoms 5/1/07 when I left work... aparently, God does not want me to have this child. Unfortunately, after having lost 2, I know my odds. I lost my Abby when I was working the same type of job I do now, only it was far less stress... now it looks like I don't have a choice left but to return to work with the dread that I will probably lose this baby. I have the applications for FoodStamps, TA (Public Assistance), Medicaid/PCAP, but I have no paychecks for disability or a reliable landlord to complete the landlord portion of the application for rental history.

I press and I press, and I know life isn't hard. I've had my fair share of ups and downs, and now... I think the hardest struggle of all is about to come full circle. *sigh*