Well, lately my blog has been an 'update free zone,' meaning, I haven't updated or posted the ongoing saga.

Some quick tidbits:

1.) Being someone's friend requires lot of time, energy, and patience. I hope no one ever gets as frustrated as I have been with a 'friend' having me be that burden. This is not to elaborate more than to say, one phone call a day will suffice, and/or when I advise I will be unavailable temporarily respect me enough to not call all known contact methods for me. My parents will flip sh*t when they see the cell bill because of the Text Twitt. Luckily that has calmed down.

2.) Baby Girl (not Olivia, my actual in womb female fetus) has been pushing her luck with me. Ultrasound on Monday night was routine. Follow up apt today with Kasis very normal. Her leg length is longer than gestational age. So apparently she has long legs. Not too far off, but puts her in a bit overweight at 3lbs 2oz estimate based on the ultrasound Monday (was a little over 29wks). Will be 30wks tomorrow.

3.) Some news was advised not to be too alarmed about: Cervix has appeared to started funnelling. Still measuring at 4.75cm which is an excellent length (as of Monday), and Kasis was not too concerned to pull me from work yet since I have not been having contractions or leaking. Suppose to watch closely though. Stitckes definately are holding since, for those that don't know, the cervix starts openning (funnelling) from the top (inside where the baby is) downward.  And the stitches for my McDonald's procedures/Cervical Cerclauge are at the bottom of my cervix to help reinforce. Common procedure for anyone with an incompetent cervix.

I'm less worried this pregnancy than with Olivia, but I've had some harder complications thus far. I'm not going to complain too much, I insisted on going back to work. For my own sake and sanity.

3.) I am off my anti-depressants and some things just seem hard to handle. I know things can always get worse. Seeing another friend go through a living nightmare, having to work through a separation is hard. No matter what the circumstance sometimes. I want to reach out, but am trying to keep my distance and just lend an ear or supporting shoulder. I can't use one more bit of stress. I'll topple over.

4.) Speaking of stress, I have been last minute struggling with planning Olivia's birthday party. She will be 2 this year! I normally would have invitations and everything planned out by August 1st, and the past wk-2wks have been struggling attempting to gather dates, location, time, and supplies. Jim finally had to take over the reservation for the picnic shelter September 1st. I literally was driving myself bonkers. Too much on my plate.

5.) Jim's b-day in Sunday. Oh yeah, I turned 26 on August 2nd. 26. How time does fly.

6.) Trying to keep my head afloat without feeling like I'm drowing in overwhelming pressure. Was struggling hard to get out of this apartment, frustrated with searching and dissatisfaction as much as double-talk and high pressure sales approaches. Wanting to pull at my hair and scream, "Just leave me the f*ck alone and let me make my own God d*mn decision!" Wow. talk about cussing a lot in this post. Maybe I still needed a few days to cool down!

7.) No names for Baby Girl, and the way things are headed I should get something lined up. Who knows when she'll be coming. May be early. But Kasis was not concerned mainly based on the length of my cervix. My history dictates I tend to go into labor fast, but he's the doctor and knows more about this. As long as it's over 3cm, I think I can work. When it starts getting any smaller, then I have to really really worry. Gotta start re-taking my meds. I've been so absent minded I barely know my name, let alone remember to take my pills and do my bi-nightly cream. I can remember to feed Olivia, but too overtired and stressed to think half of the time.

8.) I think that's it. I hardly sleep at night. Have trouble sleeping for numerous reasons, and working all day with Olivia when I'm home... I'm overtired because I'm exhausted. Exhausted too the point of exhaustion. Depressed because I'm tired and have no energy to function, but I still manage to open my eyes and sometimes I'm amaze myself with that simple act.

That's enough b*llsh*t for now. I appologize for my foul mouth today.