Wonton soup is like chicken noodle soup sometimes. felt horrible, eyes burning again to the point it almost felt like a flare up, constanr nose running/stuffy/sneezing, sinus headache and hunger pain. took a 600mg ibuprofen, had a cracker, came home and had some wonton soup. feeling much better.

sickness all around me and of course it will inevitably hit me. drinking a smirnoff raspberry burst right now, and i'm not much of a drinker. haven't taken my other pills in a few days and i should start again, so then maybe my chest'll stop hurting. i need to not play with my health conditions so much. it's just been hard lately for me to care enough about myself to do anything. i have my moments where i feel ok. i almost feel normal. i guess for people who don't know how depression feels, it's hard to imagine. i'm not self-medicating myself like i used to in the past.

i told jim, i'm past the drugs and alcohol drowing myself in a twister in my depression. i have tried to move on with my life. i don't know if i can really say i feel much lately.

i hate to be a disappointment to my loved ones. it delibitating sometimes. i feel okay today. every day is a challenge. a struggle. and every day is different. heck, every moment is different.

i was ranting last time about jim. he's trying. i don't give him the credit. he's trying. he's been working now for 3 months. about his normal span. when he's not at work he's at home, although not always doing what i would like. but then again, i get lazy too. i can't expect everyone to bend to my will. he's done more house chores than i have lately. although that's not saying much. i feel like a constant go-go-go. and yet i'm still not losing any more weight. stress can be a factor as to why i've been overreacting a lot lately.

my last few months have been hard. it's always a struggle being single with depression. then losing 2 kids and being depressed, then having a toddler and being depressed. now i'm a mother of 2 and still can't escape. it's been challenging to say the least and it's not always fair. but then again, life isn't suppose to be easy or fair. if it wasn't for the struggles then i wouldn't know what feeling ok felt like. not necessarily good, but tolerable.

i paid my mortgage payment today. actually felt good to see $688+ leave my account. have property insurance, another large payment soon to be drafted but at least i'll be insured again. oh yeah, i haven't even really blogged much, but shortly after returning to work in December found out the homeowners insurance company was dropping us because of the business next door. i've been stressed trying to resolve that, trying to get back to a normal working schedule and a real paycheck as i've had partial checks this entire month since i've returned. i was missing 4.25hr this check, but it's much more of an improvement. i feel a lot less stressed right now.

to top it off, i finally got my paper from Hartford STD confirming they extended my STD to 12/4/07, which is only another 2 days pay at 50% salary, but it's something! I am almost excited enough to write normally again.

jim's trying to make things less stressful for me. trying to help with the kids more, letting me have some alone time when i'm not at work or at home. helping me to feel like a person again. Sis helped fill the living room with furniture and has been generous enough to help watch my girls so i can get out again. i love my girls, but i also need to love myself again. i/we bought 2 kittens yesterday, Omen and Midnight. both boys. both to be neutered and declawed at the first chance.

well, Kara calls and i need to go make my girls smile and laugh so i can see the love in their eyes. it makes me so proud. i will leave you with one thought...

they say money changes a person. so doesn't the lack there of.