As per my usual. I've been absent trying to sort my priorities and start to feel like a normal person again. I try to smile. Try to be happy. Try to feel calm. I love my children, but it's not been easy this year. It's only May, and I can't say it's been smooth sailing. As nothing in my life ever is. Tai Chi has helped me learn to focus. I've discovered I can try and be a person other than a mother to my children. I can try and have friends again, and feel comfortable in my own skin. Its hard. I lack the confidence I had. I lack the *deep breath* love of life I thought I once knew. I'm a sparkling wonderful human being and I radiate when I have self-pride. I'm learning to trust. Learning that I can close my eyes and not have a burning smoldering hell in front of me. It's taking time to feel again. I have been stressed, and trying to care for myself. Drowning myself in household obligations, trying to just get by day by day. I'm on new meds, and i'm letting them work. i'm letting this try. i'm letting myself go. *sigh* i have been broken, and healing is taking longer than i thought. longer than i would like. but it's progress all the same. as long as it's not regression, it's progress all the same.

And can i say, i hate when my friends are mistreated. i'm leaving it at that. i promised not to say more. i love her but i hate to see her hurt. as i know she feels the same. i just hope he's worthy of your devotion. i can tell you i don't care for a man who keeps you on the rear burner. who isn't willing to shout from the rooftops how much he loves you.

and i want to say hello to an old friend. it's was nice seeing you today. and i realized just how much i missed you L. you brought a smile to my lips. and a sad song played in my heart, but i remembered things about life i've lost over the years.

i've remembered i used to be someone. i can also say i'm glad to meet up again now that i'm in a different stage in my life then i was back then. it makes me realize that although experiences do change people, and time also motivates changes, i am still, at heart, the same person i have always been.