The Guy Who Turned My World Upside Down

This is the guy who caused everything. He was my first boyfriend since 6 years ago. We were a high school couple and when he went overseas to study in ukraine, we were so in love that we decided to keep on trying to make the relationship work.

That was 3 years ago. the first 2 years was hell. both were depressed. Both were frustrated with being apart. We quarreled more often then we talked. but we still loved each other. and as time passed, we became more matured. We worked through our problems calmly and were more open with each other. This past year was wonderful. We still quarrelled but only 1-2 times in the whole of the year.

Then, 2 months ago, he suddenly said he wanted to break up with me because he couldn't face me. He had sex with a ukranian girl?he was going out and keeping in touch by sms and phone with her for the past 3 months. He said they were just friends but things got out of hand. However, according to a friend of mine who also studies in the same uni, they seemed to be more then friends when he saw them on one of their 'dates'. The thing is, in the past 3 months, i kept feeling that something was wrong and kept asking if he was hiding anything from me. He was adamant that there was nothing. He even got irritated that i kept asking him the same question. So i thought i was being paranoid. He was lying to me directly. It wasn't just hiding. He directly lied when he was confronted!

But on the other hand, he did tell me the day after they had sex. He didn't hide it for ages first. And he seems to be really regretting it. He keeps saying that he will never let it happen again. he said that he will change and will never lie to me?again. According to the net, 60% of men cheat. That's a lot. Even if i forget him and try another guy, that guy would most prob cheat too rite? And other than the lying and the cheating, he was and still is very caring towards me. He worries about my studies and my health now because both are failing because of him.

The thing is,? now my eyes are opened to his weaknesses. i realized that he is weak.Very weak. and needy. He does not have much of a willpower and he is dependent on me. He also habitually lies. He does a lot of stuff behind my back and lies about it becoz he knows he knows he'll get into trouble if he tells me. e.g he goes back to smoking after quitting, he chats with strange girls who were interested in him for sex, he went out with this girl.. there is a pattern to his lying. He would lie for quite a while, then suddenly, his conscience will catch up with him and he will confess to me. i dont know if he confessed the whole truth but he does confess quite alot. it has never been about girls until this confession where he confessed to chatting up strange girls (but not doing anything and not keeping in touch after that) and to this girl and the sex. btw, he was a virgin because i didn't want to have sex while still studying. i didn't want to be faced with the need of an abortion.

Now he's saying that he won't lie again and will?never cheat again. But he'll be there another 3 years!?now that he's back on holiday,?he seems to be 100%?regretting. But how do i know that he is not lying again? or just trying to change but when he goes back?to ukr,?he will cheat again? he has said many times before that he will never lie again?but he always goes back to lying. And what if i accept him back and he takes it as a passport. He already can see that even if he cheats, as long as he regrets later i will take him back eventually. Aaarrgghhh!!! so many questions.

i'm not even sure if i love him anymore or i only think i love him because there is no other guy in the picture. i think maybe i'm scared of the future with another guy who might cheat on me. What if a new guy cheats too? what if he won't cheat again but i let him go and my new bf cheats on me? i'm scared that he is the best already?and i give him up.?What if there IS no new guy?! and i end up an old maid! i know i'm only 24 years old but in malaysia, for a chinese, by the time you're 27, if you still dont have a steady bf, you're an old maid

sigh... life...

I Cry For The Times That You Were Almost Mine,
I Cry For The Memories I've Left Behind,
I Cry For The Pain, The Lost, The Old, the New..
I Now Cry For The Times I Thought I Had You

1:28 PM - July 26, 2006 - post comment

The Guy

From what you said it seems this guy has a pattern, and from my experince and just human nature, it is not a pattern that is suddenly going to change overnight. It is the same thing with men who abuse thier wives, after they do it they apologize and say they are never going to do it again, but then they do it again.

I think you are just making excuses for him becasue it is scary to try and move on and let go of something that you had for so long. I know that feeling, but if you are going to stay with him you will simply have to accept the possiblity of more affairs in the future.

It can be scary trying to go out and establish a new relationship espcially after you have been hurt, but you cannot judge every other guy you meet on the same standards of him, it will be a new person and a different situation, and there are still good guys out there.

Sometimes we just have to stumble over a few fuck ups to get to them.

SilverWind - 2:37 PM - July 26, 2006

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well

well u gota give em a chance cuz if u dnt then u maynever find the right guy i know its hard and all but every time it happens u just gotta pick urself up and try again i know its eayser said than done but i know how it is but u gotta give others a chance to or u'll never know but hey what ever choice u make im behind u 100%

HappyYetBrokenGirl - 2:49 PM - July 26, 2006

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