beautiful day

today was the most wonderful day. i'm sorry to tell everyone that was rooting for me dat me and my ex made up. i thought about it maximum and realized that fuck! i love him. no reason 4 loving him especially after all that happened. at first i thought that i was afraid to be alone and just afraid of life. but after i've adapted to single life and actually enjoy the lack of burden of a relationship, i realized that i DO love him. its real love. shit. and i decided that, even though i know there's a high chance he'll cheat again and i'm just setting myself up to fall so so hard again, i'm going to give him a chance. fuck the consequences. we both did alot of talking, not only today. for the past 2 weeks, it was like talking, just talk talk talk and i was so confused, so terrified of making the wrong decision. but yesterday, we decided to not just give it a try, but to put our maximum effort into it. because it IS a long distance relationship and only love is never enough but with hard work and effort, it could be wonderful. Nothing comes for free rite? the best thing is that, i didn't need to tell him all this. he already thought about him. he seems to have REALLY matured. he thought of everything and really did some serious self and life analyzing. i was amazed and touched.

' i am the cause of all your pain and sorrow. i want you to be happy again. and i want to be the one to make u smile again. and i want to be there to see it." those were the words that was my undoing. i know it might be sweet talk. but it doesnt seem like it. and actually, no matter wat, i'm willing to take the risk anyway. just pray to God that we will be ok. pray to God that we will be together. because, today, our first day together after the big break up, i finally felt like i belong again. and so did he. we didn't do anything the whole day, just roamed the city, talking, having drinks and 3 mcD! went shopping, did alot of walking coz we wanted to save money, and after discussing and talking serious stuff, we took breaks. we had a beautiful lunch date. actually we didn't do anything much at all. but it was so beautiful and i feel so much joy radiating from inside. i think it will be ok. we will be ok. both grew up and realized alot of the mistakes we made. and both love each other enough to want to try our very very best to work it out. both are stronger now. and both matured.

i pray to God. Help us to be strong. Let us be meant for each other.

11:16 PM - August 15, 2006 - comments {1} - post comment

buzy weekend, happy heart

i've had a great weekend the exam that day went great! i never thought i would be 4th highest in my class! i seriously expected to fail. i think the examiner was too lenient. anyway, thank God i didn't fail but i'm not gonna let the high grade lull me into a false sense of security. i still have a long way to go and i'm raring to go! it's a new posting now. i'm currently in general medicine which is thought to be the toughest coz there's so so so much to learn! the field is unlimited! went to St Anne's Feast Day in the weekend and also had a family holiday. btw i'm catholic. messed up but trying to be a good catholic 

oh and btw bout that guy... i decided to give him half a chance. i agreed to help him change and try to work things out...but only 1-2 days after we agreed on that, he went from extra caring and worried bout my wellbeing to ME ME ME. everything was about him.  he only msg me once a day b4 he sleeps and every msg was about how bad he feels, how depressed he is, how worried he is about his future. so i decided enough of 'self-sacrificing'. he loves himself too much. i guess that was the root of the problem. he loves himself too much to deny himself anything including sex if he wants to. so i just gave up. i'm tired. i hope i didn't make the wrong decision. but i just feel so tired of supporting him. maybe he does love me, but i come a poor second to himself.

btw, if any guy reads this, he msg that when he was having sex with her, deeply buried in his mind was that he wanted a child of his own. he didn't care who mothered the child as long as he got HIS child. he just realized that. it sounds very weird to me. any comments? do guys really think this way or is he bullshitting? i replied that it was plain lust. he said it was lust but also because he wanted a child.sigh... he doesn't even think of my feelings. he just wants to get things of his mind. imagine a guy telling his gf that after he cheats on her.

anyway... new posting, new beginning, new life!

New Beginnings

It's only the beginning now ...a pathway yet unknown At times the sound of other steps ...sometimes we walk alone The best beginnings of our lives May sometimes end in sorrow But even on our darkest days The sun will shine tomorrow. So we must do our very best Whatever life may bring And look beyond the winter chill To smell the breath of spring. Into each life will always come A time to start anew A new beginning for each heart As fresh as morning dew. Although the cares of life are great And hands are bowed so low The storms of life will leave behind The wonder of a rainbow. The years will never take away Our chance to start anew It's only the beginning now So dreams can still come true. ....by Gertrude B. McClain

11:04 AM - August 1, 2006 - comments {1} - post comment