For the past six to seven years i've suffered from severe anaemia and stomach pains to the point that last year i ended up in hospital twice for blood transfusions - which didn't help. Today i had an appointment at the hospital to see a very nice gastroenterologist to see if we could get to the root of the problem. I wasn't particularly looking forward to this as i was sure they were going to suggest having a colonoscopy - having had an endoscopy already, this wasn't something i was too keen to experience!

Result of the appointment - no cameras put in places i'd rather not have them and a tentative diagnosis of something called non-steroidal enteropathy (or ulcers in the small intestine! ) It would appear that having been on various NSAID's for 16 years has actually had side effects but as i like to be different, i couldn't get ulcers in my stomach which are easily treatable,  i had to get them in one of the most awkward places in the human body! It would appear that these little ulcers have been brewing since around 1999 and i'm suffering the severe effects of them not being diagnosed before. I have to take some heavy duty antibiotics for 3 months and have iron infusions once a week for six weeks. Hopefully this will settle them down to the point where surgeons feel it is safe enough to go ahead with my hip replacement - so keep your fingers crossed that this works!

I sold my first ever thing on eBay today! I got very excited as the minutes counted down to the end of the auction watching the number of bids going up and up! And what was i selling? This is the best bit! It was A.'s PSP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He kind of mentioned that he was going to sell it, so i took the bull by the horns and stuck it on everyone's favourite auction place. And it sold!!!!!! And i made £155.01!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you never hear from me again, you know he didn't take it well!

Last news of the day is that my sister has actually named the big day - September 9th, this year, and it's going to be at the Caledonian Club in London. Which means i have nine months to find a) a dress and b) a hat! Yes, a hat! It's going to be a posh wedding, with lots of guests and i am DREADING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Had one of those days when you just feel so fed up, it's unbelievable! A. is not helping matters - he was out til 2.30am this morning, got up at 12.30pm, got a text message grom persons unknown about 5pm and by 5.30 was out again. So his day off was obviously not spent with me. He got home about an hour ago and is now fast asleep snoring in the armchair. We never seem to talk about anything any more, not even really mundane things :( Unless it's money of course, and i'm being adamant and sticking to my guns about not lending him any more, i don't care if he is skint.

Tried to log into our library service earlier but it's not recognising my user id/pin number - seems my overdue fines may finally have caught up with me :)  Will take a slow walk down there tomorrow to see if i can get it sorted out - have decided to start using the library again in the vain hope of cutting down slightly on the amount of books i buy. No doubt it won't work out that way but you can't blame a girl for trying!

Turns out the 2 Tim Powers books i'm after are both available as fantasy masterworks - yay!!! - so i've obviously been living in a cave for the last 6 months. Have added them to the Amazon birthday run - btw, it's my birthday in 3 weeks :) Just don't ask how old i'm going to be! And it definitely looks like the best bookshop i ever went in has closed down :( Tried ringing them this morning and the phone number listed for them just cuts out, am not happy as they were a fantastic source of new & used fantasy, horror and sci fi. Ratty, it was called Andromeda and it was in Suffolk Street just round the corner from Birmingham New Street Station. This has really upset me as i used to love going there and even emailed a guy that worked there about books after i bought something from him on eBay inadvertently! Oh well, that's the nature of business. I can only guess that Borders opening 2 branches in Birmingham possibly had something to with it.

Book #3 If You Could See Me Now - Cecelia Aherne

Not my usual style of book - chick lit - but it was very amusing. The tale of how even adults sometimes still need an imaginary friend, and just what happens when you get one from Ekam Eveileb!

Yep, two days in a row! Outstanding! Although i've not much to say today and Bod is trying to sit on the keyboard :)

Have been trying to access the website for my fave bookshop for several hours and it seems to have disappeared! Am hoping it's just the website and not the actual shop that is no more :(  Will try ringing them in the morning - if they are indeed closed, it's a sad day in bookselling for this former bookseller/avid reader.

Book #2 Expiration Date - Tim Powers

His writing is divine - why is it so difficult to get his books in this country? I have 4 titles which i found in the Oxfam bookshop of all places but there are 2 titles i really want that i can;t find anywhere. I think i vaguely remember something about one being included in the Fantasy Masterworks series but i'm not sure. Anyway, if you ever see anything by this guy, buy it - you will not be disappointed :)

Aren't you all lucky? As a new year bonus, you get two posts in one day! Just saw this cool quote and thought it was hilarious! Am thinking of adapting it slightly though :)  See modified version underneath!

Well, i started with good intentions and then real life got in the way! Way too much has been going on and it's been difficult for me to get things straight in my head, so last year is brushed under the carpet and i'm starting afresh!

Christmas and New Year passed without any major incidents - best Crimbo pressies this year were some really funky socks & a big cheque from my mum and a beautiful fountain pen from Grandad, it's silver, easy for me to hold with my arthriticky hands and i got purple ink with it! New Year was quiet - we stayed in, me, A. and Grandad. A. made it to 11.45 and was so pissed he had to go to bed so Grandad and i saw in the new year with a nice glass of whisky in the company of BBC Scotland!

I never stick to resolutions made for new year so i've set myself targets instead! Which are to never lend A. any more money no matter how much he begs, to start reading more (books read last year were probably the lowest number ever! ) and to remember to take my pills properly!

Only other news is that Ratty and i may be going on a little jaunt - i say "may" because it depends on several factors which have yet to be sorted!

In the vain hope of keeping better track of my books, i'll be putting titles/authors on here to remind me! I'm also keeping a paper reading journal but as usual, when i need to find something, i can't! I suspect i'll be going to buy a new one shortly!

Book #1 Predator - Patricia Cornwell 3/5 A Scarpetta novel, still failing to reach the promise of the earlier books. If you want to read this, i suggest getting it from the library instead of wasting your money :)

All's quiet on the A. front - the last 2 nights he's been home early ie. within 2 hours of finishing work. Not because he understood that i was getting more than a little bit pissed off with him, but because he's skint. No money means no trips to the pub after work, and as i've flat out refused to lend him any more money, he'll have to wait til payday - which is Friday. Which probably means that we won't see him before midnight :( Oh well!

The thing that's bugging me - it has a name, Serena, 18 year old wannabe goth, who apparently has a bit of a crush on A., and whose house he was at on Friday night when he didn't bother coming home. Ridiculous i know, to let it bother me, but it does. I'm sure it's all one way, but she doesn't have rheumatoid arthritis and she can can do whatever she wants - and i can't. It's at times like this having R.A. really pises me off and i sink into that "why me" way of thinking. I was diagnosed when i was 18 but for the first 10 years or so, it never really hit me what i have. I went out and partied with the best of them, got blindingly drunk - a lot! - and even stupidly got married (won't be doing that again in a hurry) - but it never stopped me doing anything. Do you know what gets me most now? The fact i can't even put my own stupid socks on! And that i can't have a real bath but have to perch on a stupid board :(

Anyway, that's enough moaning, if i carry on thinking like this, i'll just get more and more down. And i can't be down, it's Christmas! Bah humbug! Actually, today is Winter Solstice, it's the shortest day/longest night of the year! From tomorrow, it'll start getting lighter earlier and darker later, which means my favourite time of year is only here for a couple more months.

Off to something Christmassy - wrap some presents and maybe even put the decs up! :D

It would appear that i've figured out how to add pictures on this blog - neopet related - that i can't figure out how to do on my neopets journal! Eeeek! Now what do i do? Do i start a fresh neopets journal on here so i can add piccies? Let's face it, i've been waiting nearly 2 years for A. to do something about getting cat/rat piccies on here or any blog.

Help! What shall i do peeps?

You search through the treasure and take back what you can carry.

You also stuff 1,133 Neopoints in your pockets!

The Neopet Fruit Machine

Congratulations!!!
You have won 15,000 Neopoints!
You also win a Fire Muffin and a Blue Paint Brush!

 

Still no idea what's going on in his head! He was late again last night, phoned at 4.30 to say he was going for a quick pint and came in just after 11pm. He couldn't understand why i wasn't too impressed with this. Since he started working at V., i've barely seen him. Tonight he was supposed to finish work at 7, it's now just after 8 - wonder what time he'll get in! Not holding my breath that it'll be any time soon.

I've also got this weird feeling about him - you know what i mean, you can sense something's not quite right but you can't put your finger on it. It's making me feel quite uneasy :(

On a related note, it was on the local news tonight that Yorkshire has the highest rate of alcohol dependency - 5% - which is nearly 2% above the national average. Hmmm, wonder if they talked to A. about his drinking habits. The presenter said he drank half a bottle of wine a night and the "expert" said that was too much for someone in his mid-thirties. A. is 26 and drinks maybe 3 bottles of wine or the equivalent a night. He'll think nothing of drinking 10 - 12 pints on a night out. He's killing himself and he doesn't seem to care.

He may not be my real Grandad but as i never knew either of mine, i've quite happily adopted him! He knows i've been a bit down lately so, when he was out today, he bought me a present! And what was this present? Nothing startling or expensive, it was a bag of aniseed balls! I just love aniseed balls! When i was little, there was a proper old-fashioned sweet shop near our house and i always used to get aniseed balls. So today i had a blast from the past, and it cheered me up no end :) Funny what makes you happy!

Why is it men just have no idea? A. went out on Friday night after work and didn't come home until nearly 8pm on Saturday night! He couldn't understand why i was just a *tad* annoyed. Apart from the fact both his Grandad and i sat up nearly all night wondering where he was! I also got a phone call frome drunken idiot he was out with, who didn't even know he had a girlfriend. Makes me wonder just exactly what he's told them at V.

Tonight he's done it again, he phoned at 4.30 to say he was going for a quick pint, and here it is, nearly 9.30, and he's still not back. Am really losing patience with him - why the f**k should i put up with this? His grandad has definitely had enough - tonight, after another phone call saying he was having a quick pint (4 hours after the first quick pint) that he's had enough and A. can find somewhere else to live after Christmas. I admire his stance on this but am slightly worried as to how this affects me, the only reason i live here is because A. and i are together - whatever the f**k that means just now!

The world just now, is a big pile of shit :(

He saw the surgeon, who is completely puzzled by the fact that his blood tests are showing something that shouldn't be there. His adamant he removed everything. So, now we wait again - Dad has to have another blood test in 3 months. If it's still showing something, then he has to have a bone scan and see what that shows. Have to admit i'm scared - the next 3 months are going to be hard on Dad, and Mum :(

No news yet about my dad :( Not sure what time he was seeing the consultant but i'm sure it was this morning. My phone is staying resolutely silent - it's fully charged and the ringer's on loud, nothing! Am hoping no news is good news

Good day

My crimbo box from my parents arrived, packed with goodies and a cheque! The cheque is safely paid into the bank and the pressies are all stashed away ready to open on Christmas Day :) Am off to brave the city centre tomorrow to hopefully finish my shopping, and to take Grandad to lunch - am hoping it's not too busy as i am definitely not good in a crowd.

Just dragged A. and Grandad outside to look at the moon. Not only is it full but tonight the moon looks like it's hanging directly above you. Apparently it's a weird phenomenon that won't happen again until 2023, so if you missed it, you've got a long wait!

Am desparate to get my hands on a DS - Ratty sounds like she's having so much fun with Nintendogs! I *think* i've got one for Christmas but if not, that's what i'll be buying in the new year!

Also found out tonight that Google have a book search site - http://books.google.com/ 

so will be investigating that further very soon. I'm always looking for good sites on books so i'll keep my fingers crossed it turns out to be useful!

Bad day

My pre-assessment for my hip op is cancelled :( I got a phone call from my rheumatology nurse at 4.30 this afternoon saying that my surgeon won't operate on me because of the chronic anaemia. My hopes of getting my hip replaced in January have been smushed into smithereens! The blood transfusion i had done a month ago seems to have been a waste of time - my iron level is up to 4 (still way too low ) and my hb is 95 (also still way too low) - so they won't operate until i've seen the gastroenterologist and had whatever tests he suggests to try and determine the cause of the anaemia. Not a happy bunny tonight!

Tomorrow is also the day we find out what's going on with Dad, if you can, please send a few good thoughts his way and hope that it's just a blip and not cancer - again :(

So it started off at 8am! I hate getting up early - i'm such an insomniac, i'm lucky if i'm asleep before 4am. Last night i started reading House on the Borderland and Other Stories by William Hope Hodgson. As usual, when i first start a book, i have to read until i'm too tired to focus so the light went off just before 4!

First stop of the day was the hospital to see the rheumatology nurse for a checkup on how i'm doing with the new pills - fine apart from a slight raise in blood pressure, which Leflunomide can cause. It could also be down to stress, which i seem to be stricken with again. Dad's blood tests are still showing funny levels so he's seeing his oncologist on Friday to discuss what happens next. There is a strong possibility that the op didn't remove all the cancer cells and it's spread - have to admit i'm scared, but, until we know for definite, there's no point in getting upset. Friday is not going to be a good day - i also have my pre-op assessment for my hip replacement. Looks like they're definitely getting me in on January 5th. My long wait is over!

After that, i had to face Tesco :( People are out in their droves doing christmas shopping and it's horrendous, way too many people but we have to eat, Have done absolutely nothing for Christmas except buy some wine, a couple of cards and a couple of small things for A.

Speaking of A., he's out for the night! I actually get some peace and quiet! Only thing wrong with this is i know he'll roll in around 3am so drunk he can barely stand, which he's done a lot in the last couple of weeks - since starting work at V., he's home late, a lot, and always drunk. His alcohol consumption was kind of normal for a while - this has always been a bone of contention between us - but recently it's off the scale again.

Too tired to write anymore, am going to curl up with my book and a mug of hot chocolate and enjoy the peace!

I just cannot figure out how come i've ended up with ads :( I've tried changing the template, still got ads! Anyone who's a seasoned journalhome user, do you need to upgrade to lose the ads? Or is it just down to the template you use?

Yep, it's me again! Having been updating my neojournal regularly, i feel the need to start blogging again! So, here we are, new blog but not nice & shiny! I can at least figure out how to add links on here, so that's a bonus over quite a few other blog sites which shall remain nameless :)