After much searching through a myriad of notebooks and scraps of paper, it would appear i have a blogspot account already and have had one since September 2004! I've never posted there and i'm certain it's because i tried to add links and totally screwed it up!

It can be found here -

http://mabraven.blogspot.com/

I will try and get it up and running asap but if anyone does feel inclined to throw a bit of help with some stuff my way, it would be truly appreciated! Journalhome has been lovely, because it's so simple to use, but it's just too unreliable, having been unavailable twice in the last week.

Can you see this post?  Where have all the old entries gone? *sobbing*  Do i dare to post again?

Well, today is finally meant to be that mythical thing called payday for A! Has he been paid yet? I don't know! There's been no phone calls - of either the outraged or ecstatic varieties - so i'm sitting here with everything crossed that it's in the bank. I don't think i could stand it if he hasn't been paid, i might just leave home!

Of course the big question is, will anything be paid off the national debt of the Bank of Mab? Although this facility ceased to dish out money at New Year, we are still waiting for £400! Oooh, and i nearly forgot, will there be a rare sighting of that strange thing we call a birthday present?

Will keep you posted!

Have been in a state of panic all day - journalhome has been offline with technical problems! And of course i started freaking that i would have to find another blog 'cause this one had gone kablooey! But it hasn't and i don't - happy now!

I've been trying to get to the library for the last 2 days but it's been so bloomin' cold, i haven't set foot outdoors. I'll have to tomorrow because i got a phone call saying a book i reserved had come in - nothing interesting, The First Man in Rome by Colleen McCullough. Not my usual sort of book to read but it's a group read for one of the online reading groups i belong and i'm trying to make a concerted effort to actually join in these things instead of just lurking!

Ratty, i spent my gift certificate!!!!! I just couldn't wait any longer,  i swear it was winking at me every time i checked my email and saying ' spend me, spend me, you know you want to! '  I think i got some good books, and i spent a bit more to get a couple that just had to be bought! A big thank you for a wonderful present!!!!!!

Forever Odd - Dean Koontz

Smile of a Ghost - Phil Rickman

The Enchanted Forest Chronicles Boxset - Patricia C Wrede

Alphabet of Thorn - Patricia McKillip

Winter Rose - Patricia McKillip

Inkheart - Cornelia Funke

As you can see, i went on a horror/fantasy binge and a couple of these have been on my wishlist for ages! Hopefully they'll arrive in time for me to take to the hospital for my first iron IV infusion on Thursday - think i'll need plenty of reading material to get me through that!

I managed to buy a grand total of 29 books in January but most of them were secondhand so i don't feel too bad *grin*   Am determined to stick to the 'buy no books' rule this month - only time will tell, and i do still have my Amazon gift certificate to spend! I'll spend it soon Ratty, i just can't make my mind up what to get - only definite one on the list so far is the new Phil Rickman 'Smile of a Ghost', apart from that i don't know!!!!!

A pitiful amount of books read in January - only 17! I think that's the least amount of books i've read in quite some time.

Dud of the month - Predator by Patricia Cornwell

Best of the month - Moonheart by CdL ( a re-read ) and Expiration Date by Tim Powers

Didn't get a chance to blog yesterday, let alone do anything else 'cause A was at home. Every 5 minutes he was peering over my shoulder and asking what i was doing! What the bloody hell did it look like i was doing? I gave up on the puter by mid-afternoon and read for the rest of the day/night. I finished off 24 Hours by Greg Iles, it was good but not as good as Mortal Fear. I think if i'd read 24 first, i would not have bothered with MF. Still, i'm impressed enought to look for more of his next time i go to the library *grin*

A was off today as well  - it's meant to be his payday but surprise surprise, he didn't get paid! This is becoming a habit with him - simce starting work at V he's either not been paid at all, paid late or not paid something but not the right amount. It's got to the point where i'm not sure whether to believe him or not, which is really sad because it doesn't say much about the state of our relationship. He still owes me £400, somehow i get the feeling i won't be seeing it any time soon.

The only reason i'm blogging now is because he's asleep, having drunk too much as usual. He's in a foul mood too, i think it's to do with the fact that he tried to talk me out of going to my rheumatology clinic appointment this afternoon and i refused.  He still doesn't comprehend - after nearly 6 years - that i have a chronic illness and i need to go to these appointments.

I'm glad i went today anyway, i saw a different doc to the one i normally see and he seems to be a lot more on the ball than Doc G. He agrees with me that the Leflunomide isn't working and it's time for me to try one of the biologicals. I've got 3 options, Enbrel and Humira which are self-injectable and Remicade which is an IV infusion once every 2 months. The thought of sticking needles in myself is just too scary to even consider so i'm thinking of going with Remicade - will do some research and try and make a decision before i have to go back in 6 weeks.

Am feeling a bit down tonight so i'm off to read - The Autumn Castle by Kim Wilkins - and try and forget about the real world for a while! See you soon guys!

Not really felt like doing anything at all today, probably because i'm tired! I stayed up til nearly 3.30am finishing off Mortal Fear, i had to keep reading it to find out who did it! I wasn't going to be able to sleep unless i knew! Will start the other Greg Iles book i have tonight, i can only hope it's as good as MF.

Thought i was going to be lucky and get away with a football free day as A is at work - no such luck! I'm sitting through my second match today and that was after suffering two matches yesterday! Just exactly why do men of any age have such a fascination with watching a bunch of men kicking a ball round a pitch?

Jack finally came home after spending the day/night at his furry friend's house. His breathing seems completely normal today so i guess i'll be cancelling the vet's appointment we had tomorrow. He's also eating lots again - he's taken over Merlin's role of finishing off the custard!

Don't worry, i'm not moving! I'm just changing the time of day i blog :)  It makes sense - to me anyway - to blog during the day when A  isn't home. I like being able to say (type) what i want and just recently he's taken to leaning over my shoulder sometimes to see what i'm doing, not always when i'm blogging but one day it will be, so i figure by doing it now, i figure i'm saving myself yet another argument.

I used to keep a paper diary and i wrote literally everything in it - good and bad! I came home from work one day to find it in pieces on the bed. There was a heated 'discussion' about this and A came out with 'you don't need to keep a diary, you can tell me everything'  *snort* yeah, right! So trust me when i say i was ecstatic to discover blogging - thanks to Ratty! I might never have anything interesting to say but it keeps me sane and i get to meet people. Being stuck at home is no great thing and i can go days without seeing anyone except Grandad and A - being able to blog and 'meet' all you great people is a life saver *big grin*

Anyway, enough of the doldrums! Back to my favorite subject - books!! I was going to read Mortal Fear last night but changed my mind, i wasn't in the mood for a thriller. I started Lammas Night by Mercedes Lackey - a book of short stories all linked to or inspired by a song/ballad she wrote. So far so good, light and fluffy, easy on the brain - excellent reading for when you're in a foul mood!

This morning. before A went to work, i asked him to do something for me in town. Sure, he said, do i get a tenner for doing it?! WTF! Anyway, the favour was done about 20 minutes ago, even though he's been out of the house since 7.30am. Oh, and it's after midnight and he's still not home - grrrr!

Men - feh!

In a bad mood and going to bed :(

*Update*  He got home ten minutes ago, he's drunk (even though he has no money), the first thing he did was open a bottle of wine - a glassful of which he's just spilt all over the floor, and he asked to borrow money. I have no money left, even my birthday money is gone - i've paid the bills, bought the grocery shopping and spent about £15 on used books. What has he done? Hmmm, got drunk, that's it really. Am definitely going to bed now, in a worse mood than i was in before!

from the library can get expensive! I last went to the library over a year ago, took out some books and then somehow never returned them! Today i bit the bullet and went to find out exactly how much this little faux pas was going to cost me! The conversation went something like this -

Librarian: Hello, haven't seen you for a while!

Me: *incoherent mumble*  might owe you some money  *mutter mutter*

Librarian: I'll have a look on the computer. *a bit of typing later* Hmm, yes you do. It works out to £111, did you want to pay that today?

Me: *on the floor in a state of shock*

Anyway, to cut a long story short, she worked a bit of magic and i now owe £59 which i can pay in installments, my library card is reinstated, Grandad got a new library card and between us, we can take out up to 40 items! I was very restrained today, only took out 2 books - Mortal Fear and 24 Hours both by Greg Iles - but i did take advantage of the library sale shelves! Well, who can resist 6 books for a quid? 5 books for me and 1 for Grandad :)

Currently reading 2 books - Dinner at Deviants Palace by Tim Powers & Once Upon a Time (She Said) by Jane Yolen, both superb!

Yep, another tag from Ratty :)

Target partner: Male

8 qualities of my perfect partner - if there was such a thing :)

1. Maturity
2. Intelligence
3. Creative
4. Understanding
5. Funny 
6. Tall
7. Must love books
8. Must love cats and rats

A was off today so it's been a quiet one, he managed to get home before midnight last night so he at least spent a little time with me on my birthday!

Some books i won on eBay arrived today, Lammas Night by Mercedes Lackey (which i've trying to get for ages ) and Return to Avalon, a book of short stories paying tribute to Marion Zimmer Bradley's Avalon books. They  look unread so i'm really chuffed and they've both been added to the evergrowing TBR mountain. I'm not doing too well with this 'no book buying' rule, oh well!

Roast chicken for dinner, a late birthday meal - it was yummy, and then more of the chocolate & vanilla cheesecake from yesterday's trip to Tesco :)

A bit worried about one of my older cats, Jack. For the last few days his breathing has seemed really laboured and today he's off his food. We'll see how how he is in the morning, if there's no improvement then i guess we're off to the vets again. Bod's dislocated leg seems to healing well, she's off the pain pills now and not strapped up but still limping a bit.

for the birthday greetings, it made my day and put a smile on my face :) It turned out to be quite a good day, if on the quiet side! Got lots of cards, dvd's, books, a cheque from my mum and best of all, a gift certificate to spend at the world's largest bookshop ( we all know which one i mean) I also got a text from my little sis saying a pressie is on its way when she can decide what to get me!!

Stayed up til 4am this morning reading - finishing off a CdL and then reading all of Seven Ancient Wonders by Matthew Reilly - Ratty, you'll like this one, it's a thriller very much in the style of the DVC and easy on the brain too! Next up is either Grimoire by Kim Wilkins or Moonlight and Vines by CdL, can't quite make my mind up!

Off to bed now as i'm tired out - it's hard work having a birthday and being awake til 4am has absolutely nothing to do with it *grin*

So it's 11.20pm and it'll soon be my birthday - can't believe in 40 minutes i'll 34 years old!! Ye gads!!

And am i spending the last minutes of being 33 in a good mood? No, i'm not! Same old story! Just got a receipt from itunes informing me that yet another £14 worth of music has been downloaded that A. informed me were free tracks and aren't. Again! This not the first time this has happened but it's bloody well the last. I informed him that if the tracks were indeed free then there was a problem with itunes and until he sorted it out, that was it, no more downloading. Now, in my eyes, that's a perfectly reasonable thing to say. I mean, who wants to keep paying for things that were 'free' or 'accidentally downloaded'? Not me! How did A take this? The usual way, went off in a huff, got narky and is now sulking. It's occurred to me over the last few months and especially the last few weeks that the age gap between us is becoming more and more apparent. It might only be 7 years but it feels like 17, i'm living with a petulant teenager who wants everything his own way and who sulks when it doesn't happen.

And don't even get me started on money! I'm finally sorted in that direction. My debts from my disastrous marriage are paid, unless the idiot has done things i don't know about, and i even finally have savings! Not much granted but it's a start! But A can't even make his monthly salary last past the first 3 days and who is it he comes to begging to borrow cash? Yep, you guessed it! Me! And if i say no, the sulking thing starts - or carries on! I just don't know what to do, i feel like i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Please Goddess, let my birthday be pleasant!

In honour of it being my birthday on Tuesday, i'm breaking my self-imposed 'you will not buy any new books' ban! I spent hours pootling about on Amazon and this is what i decided on -

The Fairy Godmother - Mercedes Lackey

Grimoire - Kim Wilkins

The Autumn Castle - Kim Wilkins

Giants of the Frost - Kim Wilkins

Someplace to be Flying - Charles de Lint

Moonlight and Vines - Charles de Lint

The Blue Girl - Charles de Lint

Still working on my CdL collection, with the 3 above i'll be up to 30 of his books with another 12/13 to go - that's if he doesn't release anything new anytime soon! I also got talked into ordering a couple of film books for A., he's gone from temp to permanent to sales specialist at V. in 3 months and from February 1st he's the new section manager of the top floor. The managers there seem to think the sun shines out of his arse, if they could only see him when he's being miserable, moody etc etc. Oh, and to make matters worse, not only is he working on my birthday til 7pm, he's then going straight on to a gig at a club and won't be home til after midnight! Since we've been together we've always spent birthdays together (is there another word for together? ) but i guess this year i'll be doing a Tesco run and having dinner with Grandad *sigh* And i'll not be getting a birthday present from A. either, he told me last night i'll get it on payday which is a week later. Hmmm, but he can still afford to go out to gigs and stuff. I think i'm missing something somewhere :(

Thanks for the tag Ratty - this is my first ever tag too *grin*

Four Jobs You´ve Had

1. Bookseller - for Borders, Ottakars, Waterstones
2. Nurse
3. Lab tech for PHLS
4. Barmaid

Four Movies You Could Watch Over and Over

1. The Wizard of Oz
2. Hellraiser
3. The Dark Crystal
4. Anything with Johnny Depp :)

Four Places You´ve Lived

1. Weston-super-Mare, Somerset
2. London - Uxbridge and Kingston
3. Edinburgh
4. York

Four TV Shows You Love to Watch

1. BtVS
2. Hex
3. CSI - any of them
4. Agatha Christie - Poirot with David Suchet & Miss Marple with Joan Hickson

Four Favorite Books

1. Faerie Tale - Raymond E Feist
2. Wuthering Heights
3. Pagan Moon/Dark Cathedral - Freda Warrington
4. When Marnie Was There - Joan G Robinson

Four Places You Have Been on Vacation

1. France
2. Scotland
3. Mexico
4. Australia

Four Websites You Visit Daily

1. www.neopets.com
2. www.ebay.co.uk 
3. www.sffworld.com
4. www.amazon.com

Four Favorite Foods

1. Pizza
2. Mexican Sausage Pie
3. Chicken Gorgonzola
4. French Onion Soup

Four Places You´d Rather Be Right Now

1. Melbourne, Australia
2. In bed
3. Scotland
4. Cornwall

Sadly, i don't know any different bloggers to tag to do this :(  Still, i had fun filling it out!

Just an extra note to say i've updated what i've consumed :) Done a lot of reading lately and watched a lot of very bad movies!

I know, i'm bad! I haven't posted for nearly 2 weeks but it's been a rough time in the world of Mab.

Thank you to everyone for the good thoughts and support, it's been appreciated :)

Will get back to posting regularly from tomorrow so make sure you pop in!

So, Ratty told me about this site and of course i had to sign up!! It looks good, keeps track of everything and if i can just remember to keep it up to date, will be a good reminder of everything i've seen/read etc. etc.

So anyway, if you want to check out what i've consumed, here's the link  -

http://www.allconsuming.net/person/MabRaven/

I know i said i wasn't going to buy any more but i'm rapidly running out of things to read and i still haven't managed to get to the library! To console myself after my hospital appointment, i accidentally went into the Oxfam bookshop :)  Here's what i got!

Discoveries in Fantasy - edited by Lin Carter

By the Pricking of My Thumbs - Agatha Christie (an original Penguin version)

Codex - Lev Grossman

Momo - Michael Ende (the chap that wrote the Neverending Story)

Dinner at Deviant's Palace - Tim Powers (yay!!!)

The Cabal Vols. I, II & III - Saul Dunn

The Return of the Sword - Roger Taylor (a Hawklan novel)

Best Fantasy & Horror Vol. 2 Demons & Dreams - edited by Ellen Datlow & Terri Windling

10 books for the princely sum of £11!!  8 paperbacks and 2 hardbacks! So that's my reading needs covered for another week :)

Book #4  The Glory Bus - Richard Laymon

The third book to be published posthumously after his too early death, it's classic Laymon with gore galore! A lot of people are dubious as to the origins of these 3 books but i believe that his family found many unpublished manuscripts after he died. If he had still been alive, no doubt he would have tightened up the few places in this book that were a bit below par. Here's hoping we still have a few more gems to come from the late Mr Laymon!