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Why did man invent birthdays?
Don't understand it though. What is a birthday after all. Just a time for you to remember your getting older by the second. I'll be 27 this year.
Somehow, the 31st is just always an emotional rollercoaster for me. Did it start when I was but 3 going on 4 when my dad passed away just a month before. Wish I knew. It's as if the day is always a disaster. It started in Primary school. I could never invite any friends over, because of the conflict situation between my mother and stepfather. Then, I didn't really have many friends anyway. I had a birthday on a public holiday, the old Republic day. I didn't go to school on that day so all my "friends" just kind of forgot conveniently, and I didn't remind them either. I had to stay home in stead where the atmosphere was always loaded. My mom always tried her best to make it great, but it still left a sour taste in your mouth when you sat at the dinner table and you know everyone's just pretending to have a good time for my sake. Then they took the public holiday away and I was a working girl. Ouch. Now I would've preffered to have it off, who wants to work on one's birthday anyway?!
I had a boyfriend after school. A real idiot. I guess I was just infatuated with the idea of having someone that cared. He did care, that I believe, but did I? I don't really think so. I was just tired of being alone. He was around all the time, and he never really asked me out, it was just assumed that the two of us was a couple. He forgot my birthday two consecutive years, the one he didn't remember at all, the second he came round 3 days after, with a bunch of flowers that lasted a full two days and that was that. Whatever!
I was working in a small town close to Hoedspruit in the North Province. Had my birthday there last year. The worst of them all. Me and my best friend had our last fall out on that day and the friendship of almost 8 years was over, a very painful experience to me.
At last in December 2005 I met a tremendous guy. We started dating and for the first time in my life it was a lifechanging experience. We're living together now and I cannot imagine my life without him. In a way I believed that this year's birthday will be better, and it already is even though it's not here yet. Already got a birthday present, and no.....I'm not gonna tell! I've heard today, he'll have to be in Mocambique. He knew for a while and I suspected it for a while. However, that's his job and he have to be there. I know and understand that. I just wished he could be here. Yet again I dread the 31st. I already know I'm not gonna want to get out of bed that day. Why it's always such an emotional rollercoaster I just don't know. I hope the day pass quickly, which never happens. Anyway. It's just around the corner. Had my first tears spent on it today. It was painful to actually hear that my boyfriend won't be here. I was with him in his car when the call came to confirm. Had to get out as soon as I could. He dropped me off at work. I went straight to my office and balled my eyes out. I feel better now. Just tell me why birthdays should always be so dreadful. I wish I understood that.
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