My mind, the only one I will ever have.
Home | Profile | Archives | Friends
My biggest fears.....
My heart is sore and I don't know why.....or maybe I do.....I guess out of all things in life my biggest fear is one of growing old alone. Sitting in an old age home, listening to the memories of strangers or worst the same stories over and over again. No kids to bring you chocolates and run your errands for you. Fix your broken tap and help you pack your cupboard. No husband to hold your hand. Only memories of times gone by. Good times and sad. And what have I got anyway......
I work really really hard and get very little thanks. Some understanding from my boyfriend, but when will he stop to understand? I reckon he's already reached a point of great irritation and maybe already thought of how tired he is of the situation. So what keeps him here? The fact that we bought this house together. Does he love me? Yes, I believe so. But then. He's been divorced twice and heartbroken. Who says I'm not just the someone to not be alone. He said in the very beginning that he will never get married again. My thought was.....Great, here I go again. Another man with issues. Well, who doesn't have issues? I have plenty. But out of this chaos of thoughts I do know one thing for sure. I DO want to get married and have kids. He doesn't want that. And I knew that since day one. I stayed. I guess I should have left then. But I couldnt. How does one deal with a situation where your partner doesn't want to go further than living together? I've given him all of me. Body, mind and soul. I love him with all my heart. I honestly dread losing him. It scares the hell out of me. But when do you decide that you will give up having kids, having the pleasure of someone that loves you so much that they want to spend the rest of their life with you and doesn't care telling that to the whole wide world and making you his bride. His precious bride. Displaying you as his wife because his proud to be with you. Not caring what the rest of the world thinks. Not having thoughts like...it's embarrassing to marry AGAIN. Who cares... I love her, she's important to me and nothing else matters.................
Share and enjoy
<- Last Page :: Next Page ->
