It's because of this evil, young man that watching "Jenny" has become the world's daily ritual. I mean, look at him. Every trace of his face defines and magnifies his hidden evil side, and it also lures unsuspecting teenage girls from all over the world. Together with his again evil voice, he slowly gathers up power that will then be political, conquering the population of the world! Alas, this young man is very mistaken, though, because I assure you, I have not been lured, fooled or anything in between. I am a KYLE-PATRICK-FREE teenaged girl! I don't watch Jenny!

Oh nooooo, I am not victimized by his loveable big, crooked nose, his magnetizing large and beautiful eyes, his perfectly thick eyebrows, his luscious red lips, his deep and inviting voice, his enchantingly sweet smile, his ruddy-framed hair, and his gorgeous, tall build. NO! You cannot catch me sneaking up and watching their Jenny music video or watching his fan-made montage, or...or staring at his pictures or writing an entry on my blog named after him everytime I get the chance to use the computer! You see? I'm not just any ordinary fan girl, I'm not even his fan girl! I do not even dare thinking that even if it's a measly "Happy Birthday" song that he's singing could melt me! No! Pathetic! I don't declare Kyle Patrick, 21, Click Five's new vocalist, as my new Dan Rad! I mean, I will never be caught dead watching the show, "The Band Behind the Band", a show where Kyle was shown having a hard time dealing to be the "new guy"! Never shall you think that I ever symphatized him because he had a hard time adjusting! I mean, please, he's definitely NOT INSANELY GORGEOUS. Just look at him! He's not nearly attractive, compared to what hypnotized girls claim. This Kyle Patrick petty fandom world, I worry about! Open your eyes, people! Kyle Patrick? He's a sell-out! Forget about him! Open your eyes people, this is world domination, and Kyle Patrick's behind it! BEWARE! Be vigilant! Be cautious of the evil human in the form of the new Click Five vocalist, Kyle Patrick! Avoid him at all costs! Someday you will thank me for this, but for now, I do understand resistance.

*please do excuse my lack of parallelism while typing this entry, when it comes to writing about Kyle, everything just goes wrong. You see? Kyle's bad news. Ignore him! Ignore him, ladies!*

FOR HE IS MINE AND MINE ALONE!

*talk about issues*

Xerez. Surely, it isn't of any resemblance to some filipino names like Maria, Clara, and other names..I don't even know where it came from, and yes, even my father doesn't. He just wanted all of our names to start with X and end with Z, thus producing Xerez, Yza, and Zara. I also understand that 'z' isn't very ordinary when it comes to filipino names. It sounds a little modern..because I am modern. I'm a modern teenager, I'm seventeen. I do things people do today, I text, I surf the web, I watch the television, I fantasize myself walking with my crushes, I blog, I play..In a nutshell, I'm 100% normal. But that doesn't stop me from being like this.

My friends may see me as a killjoy or doesn't like hanging out with me when we hold flag ceremonies every morning. There's a simple reason behind all that, and it is quite obvious if you're like me; I completely ignore them. I don't know if it's right, but I told them through and through that I won't talk to them no matter what they say or do when it comes to those kind of ceremonies. Sometimes they even laugh at me, but it's because they were a bit embarrassed...well you got shoo-ed off, so that's enough a reason.

Of course, I'm not the biggest nerd in my class, and definitely not an autistic person. My whole class is bonded like glue, and we're all friends with each other. We do the silliest things every normal teenager would do, hang out a lot and also study hard. But there is always something that they really can't understand fully about me. I hold the deepest respect from my country. Something my classmates wouldn't understand, something my friends wouldn't understand, something that even my parents wouldn't understand. No, I'm not saying that they aren't proud being Filipinos, I'm just saying that there's something about me and the Philippines that they can't get. That includes being pissed off at your dad six days before his flight away from here just (for me it isn't just "just") because they think it's rubbish to buy a 200-peso Philippine flag to put in our house in the barrio. I didn't talk to them for two full hours, and finally, i spoke up and Tatay explained to me his side and then we apologized to each other.

When you're Pinoy and asked something about the Philippines, something very much obvious, like, "How many stars are there in our national flag?" and you answered it wrong, it's like you're stabbing me straight at my heart. I'm not exaggerating, really. There's something instilled inside me, something that's flaming. Sometimes, I want to cry. I want to cry because my fellow Filipinos do not feel the same way I feel about my country...some don't even care for our country. It saddens me because they cannot feel the pleasures of being  a Filipino.

The pleasures? I'm sure there are a lot of pleasures of being a citizen of your own country and the simplest of them still brightens up one's self. Be it that you're American, German, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, etc., right?

How about me? Let me share to you the wonderful things I feel by living every moment of my life of being a Filipino.

Do you experience having goosebumps? I do, I feel that everytime I am inspired or in awe. Whenever I hear a good song, a talented singer, or an inspiring movie, my skin goes like crazy, my hair stands up to its end and blood rushes to my head. It's a weird feeling, actually, but I got used to it as time flew by. But you know, it even gets crazier when we sing the national anthem. I'm not a good singer, really, my voice goes squeaky everytime I need to use it, and when I don't, it's perfectly normal. But when it comes to the national anthem, I don't really care if I hit a VERY sour note. I just love singing my heart away in that song. It traps me in some surreal dimension, where I feel like the people who do care about the country the same way as I do sings with me in chorus.

The rich culture of our country makes me fall in love with it ten times more. Our festivals, like barrio fiestas, Holy Week, Christmas, anything in between! Our manners, like kissing the hands of your elders, saying "Po" and "Opo" while talking to them, and the immense hospitability of the people! The food that we eat, yes, the wonderful Sinantomas, Adobo, Sinigang, (drool) and other Pinoy delicacies! Our dances, songs, traditional costumes! Ah, if only there were still as many people who appreciate these things!

Okay, so don't mistake me as the next Department of Tourism secretary. Politics or anything connected with that isn't my thing.

Back when I was in sophomore, I held great interests concerning the Japanese culture due to my obsessiveness to animes, or japanese cartoons. I badly wanted to be turned into a Japanese, fly away to Japan, speak Nihonggo, wear a kimono and stay there until I marry some chinky-eyed Japanese. I felt very guilty about that. Immaturity, how well do you embarrass me. Haha! It's not that I close myself from other countries and culture, it's just that I came to appreciate the foreign first before my own. Gradually, I learned my mistakes and changed as a better Filipino. Yes, I can still hold great interests concerning Japan, but Philippines will stay number one in my heart through and through.

Baro't saya is the women's traditional attire. You know, I always dreamed of myself wearing a Filipinana, or a Maria Clara someday. I wore one when I participated in my school's folk dance presentation, but it didn't even last for half an hour, and the wardrobe was literally falling off my shoulders. It was sort of too big for me. I really, really, really dream of wearing a quality or original Maria Clara gown. I even fantasize myself being with someone and finding me at my prettiest when I wear one.

Another pleasure that I have learned while growing up would be my appearance. Yes, I don't look like the next Miss Universe, but I completely appreciate my appearance. It shows more "Pinoy" in me and I want to show it off to the world. It may also be a reason why I don't like people dying their hair in different colors. It's something that I don't really understand. I grew to love my short height (it is normal here), my mocassined skin, my lowly-bridged nose, my black hair, my black eyes, everything that shows off Filipino.

The very unique happiness when I see our flag. I love our flag. Just a while ago, I got a free Mercury Drug flag from the market, and I was waving it inside the tricycle. Some people who saw me find me quite odd, though, but I didn't care. I love the design, I love the meaning behind every color, every symbol and every line. I love the way the people respect it. I love the way people look up to it. I just love our flag. I can sign up a soldier so I can have enough an excuse to salute it when I happen to see it just so I wouldn't be mistaken as a crazy person if I ever salute a flag in the middle of the road.

Original Pilipino Music! My mother and father taught me a lot about appreciating your own. I even learned appreciating Frank Sinatra because of them, even the Beegees, The Beatles, Spiral Staircase, anything in between. I also have some favorite foreign bands, singers and songs, too. Though I do admire them, nothing beats OPM! I love the way we're now appreciating our own music these days. It's a big improvement, considering that foreign hits have always dominated the charts some five years ago. Right now, 7 out 10 songs are OPM when it comes to hit charts. There are also a lot of times when it would be 10 out 10. My mother, eventhough she's quite old, appreciates that, too. She totally supports young, talented singers and bands eventhough they crack her eardrums. I find that amusing about her. Because of her influence, I came to appreciate some singers from her time, like Basil Valdez, Rey Valera, and the Apo Hiking Society.

I'm not that good when it comes to numbers, so it also includes a bit about memorizing dates, but I am very much in love with History. I love studying about the history of every country in the world, and my favorites include the countries in Asia, and some European countries and of course, American history. Too much for a seventeen-year old, really. I'm not saying I mastered all of these, I just fancy reading a lot about them and research as much as I can. Whenever I'm not busy, I skim on some of my old textbooks and some encyclopedias here, though I still haven't touched the "Annals of America" for my parents moved them out of the house. But of course, I especially love the Philippine History. If my old book back in high school freshman weren't transferred into our school, I would've read it five times by now. Okay, more like ten or nine..it's because I really like memorizing all about it that I oftenly used the marker when I use it. I can hardly read anything. I LOVE the Philippine History. I love the people who made history, who makes history, who tries to make history and who will make history. Eventhough I have right now, three full hours of Histoy lectures, I'm still alright with it. I just love reading the Philippine History. Nothing compares to Philippine History, and yes, this formal essay is now a drabbling entry.

I love the people in my country. I love my compatriots. Without these people, my country still wouldn't be a home. I love how we always smile and stay optimistic, how we adapt to different environments, how we improvise, how we shout to the world that we're alive, how we contribute to the human race, how we live our lives, how we pray, play and work, how we stay persistent and determined, how we diligently aim for achievements, how we sacrifice ones' happiness for the betterment of his family and people, how we are as Filipinos! Though as I have mentioned above, we could use a boost when it comes to nationalistic spirit.

I know that if some professional author happened to click the wrong link and lead him here, he would've told me off or said something about doing the things I said above by yourself. I keep on drabbling all around here, but am I doing these things that I am saying here? Yes, I do. If not, I wouldn't've had made this post this long.

I am a member of the International Order of the Rainbow for Girls here in our local town. I am grateful, for I have been given a lot of opportunities to show to my fellowmen the pride of being a Filipino at this young age. With this opportunity, I start with the improvement of myself, before I try to influence others. I can go to flower offerings and commemorate special events, read more about Masonic teachings, mingle with more Filipinos and learn more about the Philippines. Little by little, I am growing up, too. I am starting everything from myself first, I hope you will, too. I don't like holding tears or crying anymore, so starting now, I'll do something. I'm one of the youth force, too! Someday, when what I know is enough, I'll share the knowledge I have to everybody! MABUHAY ANG PILIPINAS!

Hi. I don't know, but a lot of people may consider me as the biggest nerd around, but I am very nationalistic but limiting to the extent of being reasonable. And you may know more about that in my next entry. Xerez as a Filipino.. it's not much, and it even isn't .092834019234092348 millimeters nearer to Rizal's pieces, but I just want to put in here my pride of being a Pinoy, because I'm extremely proud. My favoritEST subject would be Philippine History and my classmates find me very odd when talking all about it..anyway, i'm doing this also for a contest i'm preparing on, so wish me luck..! My dad told me to type in a few sentences, but it looks like I'll be typing two entries for today, one for the celebration of Independence Day, and one about Jose Rizal..^^

Thus, my thoughts flow back again.

Haha...Remember me?

*Bloggie shrugs*

it's been a veeeeeeeeeeery long time since I try updating my blog. XP I'm sorry.. There's just nothing to talk about, well, concerning my feelings and all..I'm trying as hard to find a crush so that I'd have a partner in my made up music videos that my brain cooks up before I sleep. Haha..

Well, I've been pretty busy, here are all the important events:

My father, sister, brother-in-law and older brother went home. Yay!!!

We've gone to the JS Prom, but of course, I didn't cry.XP

I'm right now, a FRIENDSHIP prioritizing machine, that's why I haven't any news about looovelife.

I graduated High School! Yay!

I'm busy working on my college application forms *nervously bites her nails*

I made the layouts for our academe.

I've been installed as the WAA for Rainbow.

I just went to Tayabas last Saturday.

I need to make an emblem now.

Well, a lot's been happening right now, that's why I can't find time to actually go emotional and all that crap.

I think I'm growing up to be a more organized person, and feelings and boys aren't exactly my thing right now.

Oh yea, I'm totally into Ouran right now, I'm an anime addict once again!

Actually, I am participating on forums, which I enjoy most!

I made a vid, wanna see it?

Well, I am a bit nervous about college. I don't actually know what is going on around me. I feel like I'm floating in a stable state of atmosphere. You know, like I don't know what's ahead for me..or maybe I still don't want to know..Like I want to stay in this time forever.

I'm missing my friends a lot. About that errr romance thingy that I used as a fuel to fill my blog up, well, that's nothing anymore..I'm having fun with all my friends!^^ Haha..I'm really missing those crazy guys..makes me want to go to high school once again.XP

I don't know..I was afraid that I'll change when I'll be in college..I feel like I'm totally changing right now..I mean, compare this entry to the others..I feel like a rock's typing this, and not the same ol' overly passionate girl I once was before. Is it good?

*Sigh*

Umuulit muli ang saklap..para sa ibang tao.

Siguro ang balemtimes day talagang ganito, pinasasaklap ang buhay ng ibang tao, pinasasaya naman para sa iba. Sa akin naman, araw pa rin siya, sa kasosihan lang niya siguro kaya inartihan pa. Sana sa May 25 araw nalang ng magaganda. Huwag nang magtanong kung alam na ang sagot ( EHEM, EHEM)

Noong nakaraang dalawang taon, sinusumpa ko ang balemtimes day kasi wala man lamang yung mga pate-arts na pabigay-bigay ng regalo, o roses, at ang masaklap pa noon, maaring ang katabi mo ay may nakuhang TSOKOLATE.

Yun yun eh!

Alam mo ba iyong damdaming ang katabi mo kumagat na ng kumagat ng tsokolateng isa't kalahati din namang mamahalin, imported pa. At hindi niya gumawang mang-alok! Kung alam mo..ang galing mo naman! Buti ako hindi pa.

Masaklap siguro ang balemtimes ko. Maaring ito ang araw na aalis pabalik ang tatay ko. Siya ang importanteng lalaki sa buhay ko. Tingnan mo nama't tiba-tiba ang tsokolateng dala ng tatay ko. Masaklap lalo kay nanay iyon. Pero wala na rin kaming magagawa. Hay.

Iniisip ko, balemtimes na sumunod na linggo ng susunod ng linggo. Kung sakaling hindi nga umalis ang tatay ko't nakapasok ako, paano kaya iyon, ano?! Sa tingin mo kaya'y babahain ako ng kagila-gilalas ng sorpresa? O baka wala ka lang nakikita, tulog ka na?!

Siyempre, ako din nama'y excited na, ngunit hindi rin umaasa. Ang balemtimes day ay February 14, at magiging Feb. 14 na siya hanggang sa nagkaapo na ang apo ng apo ng apo ng apo ng apo ko. Plus 2345677112345 pa.

Ikalat ang pagmamahalan sa kaibigan!

Ikalat ang pagmamahalan sa buong mundo!

Ikalat ang pagmamahalan sa pamilya!

Ikalat lalo ang pagmamahal sa Diyos!

Happi balemtimes day!

Gaya nga naman ng sabi ng maraming hayskul na estudyante:

"KEEEEEEEEEESS!!"

*sino yung 4a1 na may balat sa kaliwang braso?

*pakilala kita!

*miss ganda, penge naman ng number mo (sabay grab ng photo)

*ano yun, may crush sa'yo?

*ikaw, hinihingi niya number mo.

Kung sino mang kakilala ko o hindi man na napindot ang aking blog, huwag ka rin sanang magugulat. Yun bang papantayan mo pa ang hitsura kong nanalalaglag ang panga at kahit malaki na ang mata ay nagagawan ng paraan pang lampasin ang kapasidad. Kung isipin mo man na ako'y nagpapansin at nagyayabang dahil ang aking mga pinagsusulat ay mga sinasabi ng ibang tao para lamang ipagpahanga na ako'y may hitsura (weh?!) na wala naman talaga, ay huwag mo nang aksayahin ang oras mo.

Oo, alam ko namang hindi totoo yang mga nakikita nyo sa ibabaw na may kakirirayan pa ng asterisk. Siguro ay wala lang mapagtripan yang mga taong yan. Inabot na nila siguro ang kalingkingan ng pagiging desperado, at dahil lagi lang naman akong naka-anga sa langit, ay nabingwit nila ako bilang isang walang kamala'y malay na biktima.

Nakakatawa lang naman. Kasi tinatanong ko din naman kung bakit ako pa, pero nasagot ko rin naman yang tanong ko (at maaring tanong mo rin). Kasi ang mga kakilala at mga kaibigan ko mga taken na, kaya ako ay ang kinikilala ninyong "last resort". Siguro ang tingin nila sa akin ay ang huling swimming pool. Nyi, ang corny, huwag na lang.

Ansaklap, ahooo. Pero ang sarap ng feeling kapag humahaba ang hair mo. Pero babalik at babalik din ang saklap. Bakit? Dahil ang mga taong sasambit ng mga bagay na ninanais mong marinig ay hindi rin pala kapwa may hitsura..O, sige, hindi mo na mapagtitiisan.

Tamaan ng kidlat ang mapanlait na pandak!

Siguro iyong isa, mapagtitiisan pa. Iyong iba...huwaw ang sarap ata ng ulam!

Ang lahat ng kasama't kaibigan ko, magaganda, at kapag isinama mo ako sa grupo nila, nagmumukha akong nagmumurang kamatis sa gitna ng isang katerbong nagagandang singkamas.

Mayroon din akong magnetic shield, at napatunayan kong hindi lang si Jenelle ang nagtataglay ng isang natatanging kapangyarihan na iyon (huwag mong tanungin kung kamag-anak ko siya, kahit kamukha ko siya, dahil hindi ako magsasalita! Hindeee!) May magnetic shield ako na nagpapatalsik paalis ng mga katagang, "Hindi nga, ang ganda mo!" o kaya naman, "Bakit ba, eh sa nagagandahan ako sa iyo!",o "Maganda ka nga!". Aaminin ko, naaliw ako 'pag naririnig ko ang mga salitang iyon. Tumutuliling ang tainga ko, sa totoo lang. Kaya siguro kalahati ng dahilan ko na ako'y humihindi ay nasasarapan ang tainga kong tumuliling. Pero huwag ka ding mag-alala, dahil magigising muli ang ulo ko upang ipaalala sa akin na iyon ay hindi totoo.

Huwag mo namang mamasamain, hindi ako masamang tao. Okay lang naman. Siguro medyo maayos naman ang loob ko, pero ang labas, ay masasabi kong hindi talaga ako maisisiksik sa kategorya ng "magandang babae".

Malaki ang tiwala ko sa mga kaibigan ko, pero kapag sinasabi nila iyan, alam ko naman na iyon ay dahil pinapalubag lang talaga nila ang loob ko.

Kaya kapag nakakarinig ako ng ganoon mula sa ibang tao, asahan mong tumuliling ang tainga ko, tapos sasabihin kong hindi, at kapag inulit mo pa, tutuliling ulit. Pero asahan mo rin naman hindi nga ako naniniwala.

i skipped a month! gad!

sorry, dear bloggie. january was a busy month, i was condemning it already. the ncae, the college entrance exams results, the science fairs, the contests and a whole lot of crap! haha!

lemme see, here is an update of whazappen (i am initiating a word revolution, mind you.)

jan 1: course this was new year..i jumped dozens of times..it was supposed to be only three. SO THAT'S WHY I'M NOT GETTING ANY TALLER!*laughs goofily*

jan 2: killjoy school started this day..bakero.

jan 3: i no longer remember what happened..Xp

jan 4: this was jennie's bday.

jan 5: weee, it was Ian's bday!

jan 6: it's tatay's bday! wooo!

jan 7:mmmm..

jan 8: more mmm's.

jan 9: ooh..this was gianna's bday, she treated us with pizza! woo! pizza!

jan 10:TATAY WENT HOME!! YATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

jan 11: it's all about friggin' ncae tension..for the teachers, that is.

jan 12: haha, we planned on giving mam p a bday surprise, and though it got a little mixed up, it got through! haha! it was so fun! i read our letter for her in the quadrangle with a crap of a number of audience *ears go red* then we gave mam p our gifts and our cake, and it was uber fun!

jan 13: this was a saturday..^^

jan 14: a big duh, sunday..

jan 15: fiesta time! bes and I slept at the same time that night, after watching spongecola's concert in tv! weee! o yea, today's mam p's bday, and kua pau's bday. we went to kuya pau's bday and we totally had a blast! wahoot!

jan 16: preparing for the ncae with the rest of the class! it was uber exciting!

jan 17: the big ncae event.

jan 18: preparing for economics mind gaems contest..and don't ask why it's spelled like that. it's all in the head..Xp

jan 19: i competed in the essay writing for the said event. wooo! i won 2nd place! supposedly, i was tied in the first place with rural, but i guess her essay's better..besides, 2nd's still good^^

jan 20: i went to uplb with mam tabo, elena, dionelle and paeng for the said genecamp where i am supposed to compete for my first ever extemporaneous contest..this was the best best best held event i've ever attended! the genesoc people were so warm, though that day, the contestants were a little tense, but they managed to break the ice..it was fun! we had a tour and i learned sooo much! i loved it! it was all about genetics..haha! wouldn't you believe! lc, as far as i remember, won for the division basketball team..and the girls' volleyball team?! sue me.

jan 21: the best part of genecamp! i knew a lot of people! the contestants were closer than ever, and it was a very friendly and healthy competition. imagine wishing another contestant good luck! weee! it was so much fun! i gained a lot of friends! i won 3rd place for the extempo! haha! thank you God! ^^and this day was prince's bday..

jan 22-26:i was always absent these days, studying for my special tests and making up for my missed works..tsk.

jan 27: we finished our summative exams, which is the visuals for our investigatory project..^^ i met minky, gennina's siamese cat, and she (or was he a he?!) was so cute! this was cham's bday!

jan 28: a sunday, still studying for the examinations..elena's bday!

jan 29-31: Science fair! i was quizmaster for the regulars contest and quizmaster for...uhh...lemme catch up..uhh..*forehead wrinkles* ah! chemistry! at the average round..now i remember, darren! and my crush won! woo! you go...man?! haha! i was so proud, i felt like i was his mother! i as the flagger for the clash of the titans, then an emcee for the clash of the teachers! it was uber fun!

that ends our daily update for january! geez! it was exhausting! if i didn't leave you satisfied, think again.

many happenings..

i just got from our christmas party, rainbow and demolay's, with a few moms and dads..it was fun, though..XP

insanely tired. i am reading the five people you meet in heaven..and i hafta make a comic strip within a short length of time.

and then a lot of people died because of some fire incident in ormoc..T--T it was a dumb department store illegally selling fireworks and the dumbasses that they are, they locked the fire exit..i hope you have a good year. and about the fireworks stuff, oh, it is goin' insane..i think it is a lot better without having any friggin' fireworks at all. i agree with america.XP

i am wearing a pink blouse, a skirt and doll shoes to boot for about two consecutive times. aiya!

anyway, i hope we do learn from our mistakes..and quit being dumbasses and then laying other people who don't actually care about you being a dumbass in the line.

may they rest in peace.

i better pray.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I PROVE I AM NOT A ROCK!

For someone who has read The Notebook, no one can actually blame me for writing like this. I am even scaring myself, honestly. You go, Nicholas Sparks! XP Love it, love it, love it! wootwoot!

Once again, I am back to pursuing my dreams and my passion!

I believe I have lived a thousand lives before this, I believe I feel something I felt back then...I believe that I will fall in love that one perfect day, that I no longer would ask myself whether I am pretending or not. That I would know that it is pure.

"I remain to feel strongly about someone whose identity I know not,

Somehow, I know I have fallen in love with him,

That eventhough romantics never triumph over my heart of rock,

And that my logic overcomes with idealistic passion,

I remain to feel something inside which is pure and true,

That forces me to tremble for the fear I never knew,

Or maybe, just maybe, did not want to know,

That that someone, with equal passion as I,

That someone whose eyes I can read,

That someone who can easily read mine,

That someone who can see how beautiful the sky is,

The opportunity to meet him that one, perfect day,

The one chance, I obtain not."

I forgot to mention that I won in the Rural Bank of Seven Lakes Maiden Essay Writing Contest last November! I was soooo happy!! The moment they mentioned my name, Mam P. shouted that it caught everybody's attention and mine as well, that I almost forgot why I was about to stand up! Haha! THANK YOU GOD!!! The announcement was made before Kapnayan, though I have gotten over it, I remain strong! THANK YOU THANK YOU GOD! FOR THE WISDOM AND STRENGTH YOU GIVE ME THROUGH THE PEOPLE CLOSEST TO ME! TO MY NANAY!TO MY TATAY! MY SIBLINGS!! I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU!!!

and last, last week our school held an essay writing contest and I won first place!! i expected a second or third, but still..AYIIIIIIIIIII!!! I AM SOOOO HAPPY!! THANK YOU GOD FOR THE BLESSINGS YOU GIVE ME! FOR THE OPPORTUNITY AND THE TRUST!!! I LOVE YOU! LONG LIVE GOD! HAHA!!!! MWAH! MWAH!!!T__T

I AM SO GLAD TO BE ME.

THANKS TATAY!

THANKS NANAY!

THANKS MAM P.!

THANKS ATE,

KUYA JAY,

KUYA KIM,

HIRAM!!!

THANKS, 4A1!

THANKS 4A2!

THANKS BEST!

THANKS BESPWEND!

THANKS BESPREN!

THANKS BES!

THANKS BES!

THANKS BESSY!

THANKS LIZ,

KIM, YVETTE,

TET, NIKKA,

PRINCE, GENZ,

DANIEL!!

I LOVE YOU GUYS..!

It is only in this point when I started not to doubt my friend, that I begin to be right.

Ah, and my suspicions ((in which was eventually shrugged off after I wrote "Oh no.")) were perfectly perfect. Hah. Knew it. Though at first I didn't actually think that she's actually fallen for him, let's just say, it is a woman's intuition to predict these weirdo predicaments.

You know perfectly well what I am talking about ((which of course isn't true..if it is, I would be freaking out right now)), and I suppose you must have raised your left brow in the doubt whether I am all right about all these. Actually I am. I just got surprised. I didn't really expect any of these to happen. But the weird thing is, when she shouted his name, it's like it entered the right ear and off the echo goes to the left.XP I actually didn't care, I just smirked. WOAH! *clappers!*

I am speaking of the truth. I do not act like everything's all right when it is not((at least not now)), and well, I am happy to report that I am all right.

Okay, that right brow of yours is arching up.

Why am I making such a big deal about being all right?

I cannot deny the fact that I felt something back then, but I cannot deny the fact that I did change. I am happy, that I get to know him better, that he gets to know me better as well, but as best friends. Actually, at first, I did feel quite sad, thinking that nothing would grow any further from this relationship, but as time flew by, ((refer to "Othello")) I got over it. Ah, maybe we are just friends and are meant to stay like that. And you know what? I am so happy arriving to that conclusion!

I am acting quite odd this afternoon, and it's not about being mad and all that crap I would've felt if I were myself back in junior high, it's just that I was just very, very shocked. Of all the people, it was her. Though if I were just a distant friend, I would've expected it sooner or later. But we've been together and she is one of the closest friends I've got. I learned to trust her words, and I did. But she kind of lied, and I understand that. Actually, that was long ago, but the thing is I dared not to further question about her and him. I figured it out. I just have to ask her in a straight question, then I will no longer ask if I was given an honest answer. It is up to her if she wants me to end up believing in lies or the plain truth. And because she is my friend, I knew she wanted me to know the truth. That is why I didn't doubt her anymore.

As a normal senior highschool, I got excited about how it all happened, begging to her knees to tell me some details and how the heck did she ever arrive at such a jaw-dropping assumption. It surprised me that I actually acted like a friend, and not a friggin' green-eyed monster as I once were.

*Teardrop*

I am so proud of you, Tsewet. You have moved on!

A year ago I was a very sad person, and I didn't actually know why. Maybe it is because of the insecurity that the people around me have a reason to be sad, that is why I created one to be sad as well. I quote;

"The lie i do is when i smile. Mostly, i smile because i am happy. But there are times that my smile would be noticeable that it's practically fake. I am generally a happy person, i admit. But what kind of person wouldn't have sadness clinging by the sides of your intolerable brain...?! i really hate it. I am sad too. I don't know what to think anymore, and i honestly hate it."

Overly dramatic, I daresay. How did my brain ever generate such a convincingly corny phrase?!

I am happy right now. Well, of course, as I've said, I get these moments when I get melodramatic, but I am generally happy right now. I am against these emo whatevers for an excuse for teenagers to act cold and dark. I hate being so touchy about things that are not worth the fuss. Not that I deny that I once liked being dark and emotional, but sheesh. They still have to wake up as fast as possible.

Right now, I am happy with my family and my friends. I get the sudden uplifting feeling after praying. I think I am growing closer to God, though still not a very good progress. I am happy because of the comfort and laughter my friends and newer friends give me. Though we are still in the stage when we still need to get to know each other better, it is still as fun. Ferlyn! ^^ She manages to make me laugh out of the blue. She's uber fantastic, I feel like I can easily be myself when I am with her, and the comfort she gives me, uber unique! XP And Ella!She's just one of the most trustworthy people in the entire universe. Though we don't get to be together like the way we used to back then, we still are bestfriends! I love her so much! And my family!! Oh how they manage to keep their sanities by taking care of me. My Tatay! My Nanay! My siblings! Though far, I feel like we are always beside each other, and I am happy. Their support, their care and their love are responsible to my being here. *sigh* I LOVE YOU!!!!

I do not mean to laugh at myself a year back then, because I would've hated that. But the thing that i like most about it, is that, I HAVE CHANGED INTO A MORE SATISFIED AND HAPPIER PERSON. *sigh*

I LOVE GOD, I LOVE MY FAMILY AND I LOVE MY FRIENDS. ^^

"mahal ku na ata xa..d nmn cguro.."

My heart skipped a beat. As much as I do not want to drive myself to another conclusively embarrassing and stupid predicament, I cannot avoid it. I do smell something fishy. As a loyal and trusting friend, I will eventually shrugging off this statement the moment I am to stand up from this ancient seat in front of the computer, but as a normal teenager, I couldn't help but doubt it. And since I care about her, I'll shut up and decide that it would be better if I wouldn't make the same mistake that I did last year.

My trust will be put to the test.

I would want to ask myself when the time comes that I know myself far better than I do now, that if...

I am really insane.

You are allowed to call me insane in any better way than that, I mean, who would ever thought of asking himself whether he's crazy or not.

In general terms, what are crazy people anyway!?

• they see things most people do not
• they fancy things out of the ordinary or common standards
• they see gazing empty-minded in mid-air as a daily routine
• they hear things others don't
• they murmur to themselves
• they hide secrets that they think would be possible to end humanity
• they think more than other people don't

Then if that is the case, I could drive myself with a possible conclusion. All of us are crazy people. We see things other people do not. Like for example, I do see how beautiful the sky is, even if I just got out of school having flunked every other subject, and I do think it is really not objective to further argue whether most people see this as well.

Everyone of us likes something or does some things that are really not favorable or pleasing to others. Everyone of us fancies some things most people think are weird. We do things others don't. We think the way others cannot. And maybe that is why we are individuals. We are people, we are as equal as hell...But, we are also very special in our own ways. That would be a better way how to put it, and not the way of telling off a person that he's insane already, 'cause that would be insane.

If I were another person besides me and I have stumbled upon this entry for the first time, I might as well be asking myself why the hell did I arrive at this topic, and since I am not, I might as well answer that possible me looking at the other side of the mirror.

Well, you see, I've been very interested in books eversince I was in my childhood, though I wasn't really up to reading novels and alike. But since the division contest about literature and the like popped up last year, I've been an avid fan of the novels and the authors, though it must have been late that I have discovered that most of them got coo-coo's up there, and I guess that would be more than a century too late.

I got a little bit afraid. To be a writer was one of my greatest dreams, and maybe I am serious about pursuing it. Do I have to be crazy to be called one? I admit, I get caught with pensive moods often times than not, and that scares me. I have been really thinking a lot lately, and a lot of people do not always do that, even I don't back then. It is as if my life took a humungous U-turn that arrived me into this eerie momentarily routine, THINKING.

I find myself staring in mid-air and thinking. Just thinking. Thinking with a background music of Suneohair's Waltz Piano Version to match, and though it makes me feel melodramatic, I still find it very pleasing. To be able to pour my heart talking to myself. Maybe it was all I needed all along. I am not saying that I like being like it, half of it makes me feel sad. There are a lot of things in life that I want to do...or selfishly want to have.

I don't have to lose my head to become a writer. I don't think I lost it already at this tender age, and my father and mother, I proudly say, haven't either. I've come to a conclusion. I can proudly say I am a WRITER.

And all of us are. We live to tell a story, a story that has been there all along, and a few of those who are brave enough to talk about or WRITE about it only begins to discover his own legacy. We write our own story, OUR OWN LIFE. And would you imagine, God happens to be our editor, and the people we love and help us grow are our publishers.

I am crazy, the same way that you are. I am sane, the same way that you are as well.

I may think a lot, see things others don't, and I don't care. I am a WRITER, and I promise I won't lose my head nor chuck it into a microwave.